Help please for a witty comeback...

[Butterscotch1989]

Not strictly an AIBU, but I'm posting here for traffic, please.

I have posted in "What would you do?" Earlier today and had no answers.

There's a lady at work who keeps harassing me about whether I am pregnant yet or not. I have asked her to stop.

When/if I announce, she will turn around and say "I knew you were, I just knew it!"

What would be a good comeback for this, to let her know how annoyed I am regarding her hassling me, and then her claiming she knew?
Thanks in advance

I love the idea of turning the tables and asking her if she is pregnant - at every opportunity and before she can ask you! How annoying :)

Or whisper to her " yes I am but it's our line managers/bosses baby so don't say anything to him." Then see how long it takes to get around the office, and deny it! (Might be an idea to tell your boss first!)

Glad to help!
Congratulations by the way!

I'd also report the cheeky cow!

'Do you want to see my fanny pad?'

Tell her that yes you are pregnant, let her tell everyone then deny it all.

Thanks kittykatclaws, I'm only a couple weeks away from announcing and after I told her to stop today, I don't think she'll ask again, but if she does I will definitely officially report it. I will quietly mention it to my line manager when we next have a meeting, regarding having a word with her, incase she does it in future with other people (which she likely will).

I feel much better now that I'm armed with a load of witty comebacks!

"Yes, I'm pregnant. I had to do it just to shut you up!"

What age is she OP?

If you don't stop asking me I am going to make an official complaint
You are really upsetting me, it's intrusive and none of your business.

I had this. I told others but not her.
Every time she asked I denied it. Even when I was 8 and a half month, huge, waddling and could barely get out of my chair.
Are you pregnant?
No
Yes you are
No I'm not
You are, I know you are.
No I'm not.
Watching her get angrier and angrier as my colleagues played along was wonderful.
When my boss finally announced that I was leaving for maternity leave she pointed across the room Cruella Devillestylee and screeched
"Ha, I knew you were"
The whole room gave her a round of applause!

When you do announce it make sure she's the last to know.

I'm not sure of her age exactly, but I'd say around 50?

Winky

That sounds like an amazing idea! Well done you for going through with it! I'd love to try that, I don't know if my colleagues would support me though! I think someone would let it slip to her, and the game would be up!

And yes for sure, I'm planning on her being the last to know.

I was introduced to a lady once and as part of the introduction my friend mentioned that I was just back from honeymoon. Lady I'd never met before immediately said "congratulations, so when are you planning on getting pregnant?" This was in front of a room full of work colleagues and I had a bottle of beer in my hand. After spluttering for a few seconds I looked at my beer, grinned and said "not right at this minute".

DH said I should have looked at my watch and said "Gotta go, DH is primed, ready and waiting to get right onto that in about 5 minutes"

Shame, it needs everyone to be in on it.
I had great fun telling her that I had stopped going to the gym, could you tell? Also that I had started a diet and that it was really paying off.

Find out what age she is, and then asks her things like "have you written a will yet?", "have you thought about setting up a funeral plan?", "Are you going for cremation or burial?".

Personally I wouldn't bother with trying to think of witty comebacks - there aren't worth the headspace and will be lost on her. The best thing is to be really direct with her.

Her
'are you pregnant'
You
'that is an extremely personal question and I do not want you to ever ask me that again. I do not like it and find it rude. If you do then I will make a complaint about you to XXX manager. Do you understand? I'm going to follow this up with an email so there can be no doubt as to what I am asking you, is that clear?'

Whenever you announce it you will get people who say "ah I knew it!"

They said it to me I was like err wtf?? How??? Because I'm 30??? We had been trying for 3 years and hadn't told a soul. People talk utter shit.

I'd go right now for the "OMG you are so STRESSING me!! Can you please just stop asking me as it's beyond distressing!"
Either way, have a word with your manager to tell her to pack it in! If he/she doesn't then that's what HR is for!!

Then, if /when you are pregnant and want to tell... (are you already? I couldn't work out but it's not relevant to her behaviour).., then if she a anything a "Jeez woman, I'm surprised the pregnancy took with all your hassle of telling me i must be pregnant by now over the last 7 (or however many ) months! You really need to butt out! It's too personal!"

*then if she says anything (sorry mistyped!)

So she's distracting attention from your professional role, in favour of having everyone concentrate on your fertility. And she's done it to others. Blocking you in is a further escalation. This person is no friend of your career (or that of the other women she's harassed), and clearly won't respond to anything less than disciplinary action. HR, now!

I always wonder HOW these people manage to be quite so interfering at work. Why, why aren't they too busy working, as everyone else is supposed to be?

'Oh didn't I already tell you...must be none of your fucking business then!'

A woman I distantly worked with kept asking me the same thing just after I got married- went on for months.

I had another reason to raise a grievance against her, and so there was a meeting with her, her boss, my boss and me.

Not only did I absolutely blast her for the grievance (backed up entirely by the management), when the bosses asked each of us if there were any other issues, I brought this up. Told her it was entirely unprofessional and inappropriate, that I did not appreciate her line of questioning especially in front of colleagues, and that as we both worked within gynaecology (I was in infertility) that questioning in front of patients was particularly unforgivable.

She didn't do it again.

I found out (by accident) that my DSIL was pregnant very early on.

She's 15 weeks now and they've only told a few people so far.

Did I shriek 'OH-EM-GEE I KNEW IT!!!' when they told me? I did not, because I am not a twat.

That woman is awful. As PP have said, definitely make a complaint. She will do it again.