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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help please for a witty comeback...

75 replies

Butterscotch1989 · 27/04/2017 20:54

Not strictly an AIBU, but I'm posting here for traffic, please.

I have posted in "What would you do?" Earlier today and had no answers.

There's a lady at work who keeps harassing me about whether I am pregnant yet or not. I have asked her to stop.

When/if I announce, she will turn around and say "I knew you were, I just knew it!"

What would be a good comeback for this, to let her know how annoyed I am regarding her hassling me, and then her claiming she knew?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
KC225 · 27/04/2017 21:23

I worked with an Australian girl who was constantly asked a older colleague 'if she was pregnant' 'when was she planning to get pregnant.' Eventually, Aussie girl cracked and said, 'Husband's going through a phase of waiting it up the arse so it's gonna take time but I'll keep you posted'

The other woman stormed off and refused to speak to her for months. Told everyobe who would listen that she was coarse and vulgar and it was 'typically Australian'

Applebite · 27/04/2017 21:23

Is she trying herself or single and worried about her biological clock? Not that this would excuse it, but I just can't see why else she would be so interested!

I was a bit guilty of speculating when I saw certain friends not drinking. Then I got pregnant myself and realised immediately what an utterly utterly massive twat I had been - it absolutely wasn't meant maliciously but it was totally dickish and I should have seen that earlier.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 27/04/2017 21:24

Reminds me of all those 'how's married life" comments at work. I used to say "just the same as pre married life except now I am red raw McGraw". That shut them up!

Ellisandra · 27/04/2017 21:25

I love icklboo's aliens comeback Grin

floraeasy · 27/04/2017 21:26

The sperm is just passing the tonsils at the moment, but ask me again next week

Husband's going through a phase of waiting it up the arse so it's gonna take time but I'll keep you posted

Grin
Original poster
Butterscotch1989 · 27/04/2017 21:26

She is quite forceful, and insistent and tries very hard to not let me get away without giving an answer, but I have managed to avoid giving an answer, with great difficulty. She's pretending she's doing it in a "funny" way, like ' oh, I just thought I'd ask,.....!' With a smile, but she's deadly serious underneath the smile. And sooo persistent, as I said it's been since Oct. I don't even know her that well, just professionally I have to work with her from time to time, but never socialised/long chats with her, so I don't know why she feels she has the right to ask. She is such a gossip and I suspect it's because she wants to be the first to know. I just want a comeback to take the wind out of her sails. Like a "thanks for ruining my announcement by telling everyone you already could tell I was pregnant" type comeback, only better!!

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 27/04/2017 21:28

You should just say, "You must have known every time anyone was pregnant, going by the number of times you've asked."

bimbobaggins · 27/04/2017 21:28

I would just say I didn't know I was under surveillance. Usually works

Original poster
Butterscotch1989 · 27/04/2017 21:28

These last few are hilarious! I couldn't say those with a straight face, that'd be the problem!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 27/04/2017 21:29

Yes. I'm pregnant and telling you first because Twitter's down.

floraeasy · 27/04/2017 21:30

She sounds a bit deranged, OP. She's obsessed Shock.

I'm not sure you can take the wind out of the sails of someone like this TBH.

Original poster
Butterscotch1989 · 27/04/2017 21:31

Trifleorbust, she apparently has said this to people before, and she told them after they announced that she knew all along.
In fact, it was her questioning that caused another colleague to take a test, and then colleague announced, only to be told, "I already knew!"

OP posts:
Kittykatclaws · 27/04/2017 21:33

I'd come back with

Well since you've been asking since October you were bound to strike lucky eventually.

MadamePomfrey · 27/04/2017 21:37

I'd go Along the lines of Jesus if I have been pregnant since you first knew the baby must be nearly due!!

Lynnm63 · 27/04/2017 21:38

Could you lean in all conspiratorial and whisper in her ear, "mind your own fucking business" then wink.

picklemepopcorn · 27/04/2017 21:39

Tell everyone else, then deny it when she speaks to you about it.

Or

Ask her if she is pregnant first. Every time.

Calphurnia · 27/04/2017 21:41

"Why do you think I should tell you?"

GiraffesAndButterflies · 27/04/2017 21:41

"Why do you want to know? No, really, why do you want to know? There must be more to it than that. What's got you so interested? Seriously, I need to know why this is so important to you. Please, tell me why you want to know. Tell me EXACTLY why you want to know. But why do you want to know SO BADLY?"
^^ I'd question her incessantly, interrupting her every time she tried to close the conversation or finish answering.

Well, I wouldn't, I'd complain to HR, because she is fucking out of order. But I'd want to try and make her feel really uncomfortable herself first!

If she does do the "I knew it!" I'd do faux-concerned "X has been really obsessive about when I'd be pregnant, I'm not quite sure why..." and then change the subject back to how excited your DH is or whatever.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 27/04/2017 21:44

If you're not pregnant (and preferably if you're not yet ttc either), tell her you are, but not to tell anyone. Deny it when anyone except her asks.

chocolateworshipper · 27/04/2017 21:45

"Oh my God - that was YOU peeping through the window?"
and look genuinely shocked.

gettinfedduppathis · 27/04/2017 21:46

Lynnm63 Grin

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 27/04/2017 21:50

"I may be...I have an appearance on JK booked to find out whether I'm the biological mother".

"Nope, I'm just faking it to get a seat on the bus" (this works when I'm asked if I'm "really blind"

Or...

"Fuck off, you fucking fuck"!

Personally, I like answer 3 the best! 😂

Original poster
Butterscotch1989 · 27/04/2017 21:50

And I think kittycatclaws is the one I've been looking for!!!
Although i might add in some others too, I knew Mumsnet would help!!! Thanks!!

OP posts:
TheMysteriousJackelope · 27/04/2017 21:51

Seriously?

'Why don't we go over to HR and talk about this right now' seems like a good response to me, especially if she is trapping you in corners and stopping you from returning to your work area. 'You need to leave now as I have work to be getting on with' also springs to mind. What is she going to do? Complain to your boss that you refused to waste company time by gossiping with her?

'No you really didn't know whether I was pregnant as you've been asking me every chance you got since October. I expect you do it to everyone. I heard that according to you Bob's due in August'.

Seriously, tell your boss to have a word with her, she'll do this to someone else and it really is not on.

nocoolnamesleft · 27/04/2017 21:52

I do remember a colleague (tendency to faint) announcing that if one more person asked if she was pregnant, she was going to pee on a stick in the middle of the corridor, just to prove she wasn't.

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