Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Incident in play centre

71 replies

Setsailwithallmylove · 25/04/2017 23:36

I was going to an exercise class in a local play centre. It is held at 9.30 before the place is officially opened - small group of perhaps 6 or 8 mums led by an instructor. The kids play while the mums exercise. The owner walks around keeping an eye on the kids but mums keep an eye on them too. I have a son who is 3 and a half and a daughter who is 2.

The class was excellent and my two kids seemed to enjoy going there each week. They would run back to me regularly throughout the class and I would go and check on them a few times during the class. Class was about 45 mins.

Last week the class had only just started when I heard a child crying. It wasn't my child but I realised my child might have caused the crying so I ran over. The other mum said my son had bit her daughter. I was really shocked and apologised immediately. She was really angry and said I had no control over him and her child had being having nightmares about my child!! This was complete news to me - she hadn't said a word before this (we've been to about 6 or so classes together). I haven't noticed her child being upset the other weeks? No one has said a word about my son before this and I hadn't seen him misbehave at all in there. I'm not saying he didn't do it - just that I can't understand how she can say he's been causing her child to have nightmares? This means he's been bold in the past but she said nothing?

Neither of us saw the bite happen- both kids were on the top floor of the play centre. Her child is 4.

She walked away and I followed her to get my son to say sorry to her child - she then gave out to him.. saying don't go near my child,etc. I again said how sorry I was and that I would take him away. Even though I had just paid for the class I walked out immediately, taking my younger child too.

I've been so upset about this. My son has bitten his sister before but not in more than a year. His preschool says he is getting on really well there. I am so surprised and disappointed he did it. I can't go back to the class now as I don't feel I can leave him out of my sight at all.

My husband thinks I should go back to the class - that the woman completely overreacted.

I think I would be too worried about it happening again. Also anytime I go to a play centre the kids often go in opposite directions - how can I watch them both every minute?

OP posts:

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 26/04/2017 16:17

Ex nanny here. Biting in preschool children I very normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Did you ask you son what happened? Did you see the bite mark. Did you explain to your son that biting is bad? I would not miss out on your class if he hasn't bitten before or since then it sounds a bit odd to me! (sounds like a fab class btw wish there was similar local to me!)

drspouse · 26/04/2017 16:17

If it's like the soft play areas I've been to then you can't always see every child on every area unless you follow them around (not particularly encouraged to have an equal number of adults to children on all the equipment). You watch them go into/out of a tunnel, so you know where they are, but you aren't following them every second.

Biting is not that uncommon and children at the toddler age that most commonly does it are not going to stop just because someone is watching them! Whoever said it was really rare and clutched their pearls over experience of their child's nursery class - go back and ask the actual professionals. My DD was bitten (just once) at her fabulous nursery where supervision is excellent. It's mortifying for the parent but fairly easily dealt with.

It's probably got nothing to do with the play structure itself, OP. Probably won't happen again but if it did it could be at nursery/in the park/at someone's house.

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 26/04/2017 16:23

I thought biting was pretty par for the course? DD hasn't bitten anyone but she was bitten. Nursery told me, I said "is she ok?", they told me what they'd done and I said "ok, no worries, it happens".

I can't imagine going batshit like some of the posters on here have said they would. Why would you? You comfort your child, either tell the other child not to bite or tell the childcare provider/parent what has happened, hopefully receive an apology which you accept, and move on.

Yes it can trigger the mama bear instincts but going ballistic and accusing another child of giving yours nightmares over a simple bite is waaay OTT .

Original poster

Setsailwithallmylove · 26/04/2017 17:18

I did ask my son if he had done it and he seemed really sheepish - he has a severe speech and language delay but he understands everything. I think he probably did do it or he did scare her in some way - I know he's not perfect.

I thought the class was a great idea - doing squats and lunges, etc. The class faces the play area and each mum does check in with their kids throughout the class. But I suppose it's only suitable for small babies or kids you can 100% trust won't do anything bold.

OP posts:

CassandraAusten · 26/04/2017 17:40

Biting is pretty par for the course, yes, in that it will happen every now and again. But that doesn't mean you should just let it happen! A potential biter should be closely supervised until he or she grows out of it, which just doesn't sound possible with this set up.

CassandraAusten · 26/04/2017 17:42

I think you're doing the right thing OP. But don't let it stop you taking your DS out to other places. When my DS was in his hitting phase I stopped taking him to soft play, but there was a music class he loved and he never hit anyone there.

Shopkinsdoll · 26/04/2017 17:49

I would go back with your head held high! These things happen and she had no right to say these things. I would not have anyone speak to me like that. You apologised and got your son to do the same. You dealt with it very well.

ludog · 26/04/2017 18:16

Just to say when dd was 2 we moved to a new area where I knew no-one so I started going to a mother and toddler group. There was one little boy at the group who was a terror and his poor mum was constantly apologising and trying to head off trouble. He took a dislike to dd and used to make a beeline for her every session. One day, despite us all supervising he managed to whack her with a toy and split her lip. That evening, his mum arrived at my door, almost in tears, to apologise again. It was the start of our friendship and she is my closest friend for over 20 years now. Dd and friend's ds are well rounded and functioning adults and actually quite good friends too!
I think bitees mum overreacted but that's her problem. Keep doing what you're doing and he'll grow out of it in time. And you should definitely go back to the class.
Ps I spotted you were Irish too

Sonjae · 27/04/2017 17:56

Has the mum been watching Big Little Lies? Sounds like it!

Fif · 27/04/2017 18:17

Catsarenice, "to give out" is an Irish term and means to scold or tell off. In Ireland children are bold not naughty.

lucyandpoppy123 · 27/04/2017 18:38

is this in Farnham by any chance OP?

WhooooAmI24601 · 27/04/2017 18:43

DS2 was a biter and I spent months trying to teach him not to shark-bite folk. Fortunately he only really ever bit DH and DS1, so it wasn't as difficult as it could have been. In the end he bit DS1 so hard on the belly that DS1 bit him back and DS2 never bit again. I wouldn't advocate the "bite them back" thing at all, though.

There's no reason not to go back; the other parent sounds slightly loopy and overprotective but that's her issue, not yours.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2017 18:53

This woman was totally out of order, op son is 3, not 13, sometimes 3 year olds will bite. You did the right thing, if there are issues with your child, why did she not raise it before! Go next week and ignore the woman, her behaviour is totally ott. My son who is 5 occasionally it when he was at preschool, I read him a toddler about about no more biting. I got it from Amazon

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2017 18:54

He liked it and he stopped biting

Jessikita · 27/04/2017 19:00

Set sailwithallmy love - totally irrelevant but can't resist asking. Are you Irish?

Jessikita · 27/04/2017 19:01

Ah fif I hadn't read the whole thread and I noticed you picked up on the Irish turn of phrases!

Sara107 · 27/04/2017 19:17

OP, I too spotted that you're Irish! Isn't it strange how just a couple of words can give it away! I think the other woman has probably over reacted. Lots of pre-schoolers bite and I think it unlikely that it causes any lasting trauma. My dD was bitten a number of times! Its unlikely that a pre schooler would have sufficient understanding and verbal skills to know why they were getting nightmares, and explain it to an adult. So I think that's just the mother projecting something onto the child. Was there a mark on the bitten child? In any case, I think you should go back to the class and see how things go. Has anyone else complained about your child? You've already apologised, and unless anyone else says your childs behaviour is unacceptable I would leave it at that.

Yettilegs11 · 27/04/2017 19:27

My daughter went through an awful phase of biting, so much so she was 'shadowed' at nursery.

I think you should go back. As the instructor said the other woman over-reacted. She sounds like a bully though.

SemiNormal · 27/04/2017 19:47

Perhaps the woman did overreact, it's hard to say without being there. However I think posters calling her 'crazy' is disgusting.
Personally I think everyone going to that class sounds a bit unreasonable, unreasonable to expect no incidents happening and unreasonable to leave such young children unattended and out of view for periods of time.

erudiostressed · 27/04/2017 22:11

Can totally relate to how you feel. I have a six year old waiting on diagnosis ADHD and autism not that it makes what happened today at after school club ok. Picked him up to find out he has point blank range spat in another child's face over a minor issue of being in a space on a bike and the other child just asked him to move back. He can make a hissing noise pretends to be a dinosaur if he feels threatened but never spat and certainly not so viciously before. I am really upset asked him where did he learn to do this and it looks like he picked it up off some cartoon so will be getting TV content a lot more closely now. The staff were ok but could tell they thought I was letting him run riot. Told son it is never ever ok to spit at anyone but still feel really upset over it.

Charlie97 · 28/04/2017 09:07

Have you considered a muzzle (poor joke I know!)

Seriously, IF your child did bite, then these things happen! Ignore the woman that brings her child to a place that gives her nightmares.....yeah right, like that's true!

Go back and hold your head up high!

Flip

1 2 3