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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Incident in play centre

71 replies

Setsailwithallmylove · 25/04/2017 23:36

I was going to an exercise class in a local play centre. It is held at 9.30 before the place is officially opened - small group of perhaps 6 or 8 mums led by an instructor. The kids play while the mums exercise. The owner walks around keeping an eye on the kids but mums keep an eye on them too. I have a son who is 3 and a half and a daughter who is 2.

The class was excellent and my two kids seemed to enjoy going there each week. They would run back to me regularly throughout the class and I would go and check on them a few times during the class. Class was about 45 mins.

Last week the class had only just started when I heard a child crying. It wasn't my child but I realised my child might have caused the crying so I ran over. The other mum said my son had bit her daughter. I was really shocked and apologised immediately. She was really angry and said I had no control over him and her child had being having nightmares about my child!! This was complete news to me - she hadn't said a word before this (we've been to about 6 or so classes together). I haven't noticed her child being upset the other weeks? No one has said a word about my son before this and I hadn't seen him misbehave at all in there. I'm not saying he didn't do it - just that I can't understand how she can say he's been causing her child to have nightmares? This means he's been bold in the past but she said nothing?

Neither of us saw the bite happen- both kids were on the top floor of the play centre. Her child is 4.

She walked away and I followed her to get my son to say sorry to her child - she then gave out to him.. saying don't go near my child,etc. I again said how sorry I was and that I would take him away. Even though I had just paid for the class I walked out immediately, taking my younger child too.

I've been so upset about this. My son has bitten his sister before but not in more than a year. His preschool says he is getting on really well there. I am so surprised and disappointed he did it. I can't go back to the class now as I don't feel I can leave him out of my sight at all.

My husband thinks I should go back to the class - that the woman completely overreacted.

I think I would be too worried about it happening again. Also anytime I go to a play centre the kids often go in opposite directions - how can I watch them both every minute?

OP posts:

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 26/04/2017 07:13

Kids do go through a biting phase, and pinching and pulling hair. It's when it becomes the norm and not a phase when you should stay away from places. Teach your son, he is not too young for consequences. Naughty step/time out, removal of toys, whatever works for you. The naughty step worked with both of my two. You must absolutely go back, you can't stay away from places because you are worried what he may (or may not) do.
That mum sounds mental, to say her LO had been having g nightmares about your LO! How ridiculous! Unless your LO is the clown from IT or a rabbit from water ship down (5 year old me....weeks of crying) I doubt very much he has the power to cause that!

HDAM · 26/04/2017 07:19

Jesus wept.

If my child had been bitten by yours in these circumstances and you had apologised as you've said I'd have said something along the lines of 'kids will be kids' and told mine to play nice too. End of.

This woman obviously loves drama and is a bit precious.

WateryTart · 26/04/2017 07:25

The supervision is inadequate. I wouldn't be going back for that reason alone. The woman was OTT, though.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 26/04/2017 07:46

The only people who make sweeping generalisations about kids being biters and hairpullers tend to be speaking from personal experience.

I have taught for 25 yes and no, they don't. Some do. Very few. And it's bloody awful for their victims.

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 08:06

If the OP's child had been the victim of the biting this thread would have very different responses.

Actually, I don't think they would. I've seen many biting threads and they all seem to go the way this one has.

Mulledwine1 · 26/04/2017 08:14

And if my child had been bitten I would be furious and maybe would even give the biter a harsh word or two

These are tiny kids.

And I can only infer from your comment that your little angel has never bitten anyone.

There but for the grace of God and all that.

The only people who make sweeping generalisations about kids being biters and hairpullers tend to be speaking from personal experience. I have taught for 25 yes and no, they don't. Some do. Very few. And it's bloody awful for their victims

I find this comment astonishing. What age groups have you taught? Presumably not pre-schoolers? I think it was a fairly common occurrence in my son's nursery and then in his infant school. And hairpulling was very common in my primary school! Maybe it's jumped on very quickly these days but I don't believe for a minute that it's a very tiny minority who ever do it.

londonrach · 26/04/2017 08:17

Sorry but they all too young to be left alone. Was it the gym or the mums idea. For that reason i wouldnt go back.

Peanutbutterrules · 26/04/2017 08:37

Don't run away because your son bit another child. Don't let her guilt you into leaving. It's happened once. You've apologised. Make sure your DS knows that biting = leaving, no fun.

Mind you, it doesn't sound like adequate supervision

RedStripeIassie · 26/04/2017 08:47

She sounds lovely . Giving out to a tiny child for something hers could very well do next week.

That said the set up sounds doomed for incidents like this. I couldn't get into a class like that as I'd be listening out for the crash/scream/crying that would inevitably be my dd!

Funnyface1 · 26/04/2017 08:58

If a child bites it should be supervised fully around other children. If somebody bit my child I'd lose my mind. Op said she ran straight over in case it was her child that caused the crying. That speaks to the child's behaviour, i would never hear a child crying and have to wonder if my child was responsible. I think some are being a bit too harsh on the other mum. The nightmares comment is a bit OTT though.

Flossimodo · 26/04/2017 10:26

I have taught for 25 yes and no, they don't. Some do. Very few. And it's bloody awful for their victims

Exactly. It appears to be a belief that..

Kids do go through a biting phase, and pinching and pulling hair
But they don't. Most children really, really don't. As you say, some do, but very few. It's not the norm.

Flossimodo · 26/04/2017 10:44

And I can only infer from your comment that your little angel has never bitten anyone
That's true. None of them have.

And having been a regular helper in my dcs nursery class for a couple of years, in a group of 15 toddlers over those 2 years there was never such an occurrence. Nobody was bitten. That is what informs my opinion. (There was one occurrence when a child got punched on the nose and it involved a lot of blood - and a bit of petty bickering and fighting over toys) But no bites. Of course I have come across toddlers who have a tendency to bite, but they have been few and far between.

EineKleine · 26/04/2017 10:45

You must absolutely go back, you can't stay away from places because you are worried what he may (or may not) do.
In most situations I would agree with that - you go back and watch him like a hawk. But don't keep going blithely to places where you can't supervise him properly.

That mum sounds mental, to say her LO had been having g nightmares about your LO! How ridiculous! Unless your LO is the clown from IT or a rabbit from water ship down (5 year old me....weeks of crying) I doubt very much he has the power to cause that!
So you're ridiculing a preschooler's fears - they're only allowed to find the same things scary as you did when you were 5, and anything else is ridiculous?! DD had nightmares about a specific child at age 2, and I got advice from HV on how to deal with it. Why is it "mental" or "ridiculous" for a child be scared of someone who physically hurts them? If anything it makes more sense for them to be scared by real things than abstract ones.

Barbie222 · 26/04/2017 10:50

Children don't bite if they are supervised. When I had a 3 and 2 year old together, I'd have run a mile from any such setup as you describe. You're going to have to find a way of exercising which works around your kids.

Wolfiefan · 26/04/2017 10:55

None of mine have bitten. Not all children do.
This situation sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Small children let loose in an exciting pay zone without proper supervision.
I would not go again.

TheVeryHungryDieter · 26/04/2017 11:12

I think, not having had a biter (but friends have!) that it's relatively occasionally that a child starts biting but very hard on the parents and peers while they work through this phase. I felt worse for the mortified parents than I did for my bitten child, who was usually doing something to provoke a less-verbal child.

To the PP who didn't understand her, OP is Irish I think from her phrasing, we say "give out" for "tell off" and "bold" for naughty. But "giving out" is more like, scolding, not correcting.

OP, I understand you got a shock. I think what other posters say is right. Go back, have a word with DS about behaving and no biting, check on them regularly if you can but keep your eyes on your own family and let the other woman alone and she can mind her own business. Try to brush it off if you can, but speak up if she approaches your child again - smile and say pleasantly that you're handling him and you'd appreciate if she didn't interfere with your children. Life is full of people getting wound up too easily and sometimes they'll lose the rag at you and yours - so you do need to brace yourself and steel up a bit but don't let it get you down or throw you off.

Original poster

Setsailwithallmylove · 26/04/2017 13:31

Thanks for all the comments - I was expecting more people to say I was awful for not watching them properly!

I am Irish - well spotted!

It's a small play centre and at the classes I've been to there are about 6 to 10 kids, some of whom are less than a year and are often asleep or on mats, etc. I loved the idea of the class but I suppose there are times when you can't see your child if they are in the main frame part. Mums are just outside this part - they clear away tables and chairs to one side as place isn't open to public til later.

I don't think I could go back... I felt so humiliated the last time. The instructor has been in touch and she said has said it was a massive overreaction on the part of the other woman but that the woman stayed for that same class and has been going since. The woman never talked to the instructor or owner at any point about any of this.

It's a fun class that often involves pair work.... I've been having nightmares about being paired with her!!!! (Joke)

And thanks to whoever said it was bizarre that she would let her child play in a play frame area where you can't always see them if her child was having nightmares about him - I think he probably did bite her child but that she is exaggerating how traumatised her child is.

I think I'm going to avoid play centres if possible for the next six months and review before the cold, wet weather is back.

Now I'll have to try and lose the weight some other way..

OP posts:

pinkie1982 · 26/04/2017 13:50

But why should you go without. Don't be embarrassed, go back and hold your head high, stand your ground. Doesn't sound as if there was evidence of a bite from your child anyway. Did he say he did it at the time? At 3 he would be able to tell you presumably.
Don't let this pushy woman put you off!

anotherdayanothersquabble · 26/04/2017 14:21

Now you are over reacting.... go back to the class, ask the instructor to speak at the start of the class and explain how it is the responsibility of each parent to ensure the safety and the good behaviour of their own children.

TheRealPooTroll · 26/04/2017 14:29

I would swerve that class as well tbh op. Purely due to the weird childcare arrangements and crazy woman. But not taking him anywhere to socialise is only going to make any issues he has worse. Just get him to stay where you can see him and keep an eye out for biting or other unwanted behaviour so you can see what is leading up to it and teach him what to do instead. When you feel you can trust him a bit more give him a bit more freedom to roam.

Allthewaves · 26/04/2017 14:48

If he's become a bit of biter it might be best to avoid play centres unless u can watch him like a hawk.

llangennith · 26/04/2017 15:07

The woman overreacted and I sympathise with you. But if your son is biting at this age you have a problem.

SheRasBra · 26/04/2017 15:42

Kids do bite occasionally but the problem here seems to be the lack of supervision. It's fine to say "ensure he doesn't do it again" but you can't see him all the time.

If he has started to bite you no doubt want to get on top of that behaviour really quickly. Just speculating but it might be that he has bitten this other child a few times, the mum has said nothing up until now and that's why she was seemingly so OTT. You really need to see if he is biting and be there to address it straight away.

So difficult to exercise with small kids - I feel your pain!

PuppyMonkey · 26/04/2017 15:53

It sounds like a very odd class tbh.

Leaving small kids to it in a public play area while carers/ parents are busy concentrating on doing exercise? What could possibly go wrong?

(I wonder if they've told their insurance company at this place).

Jaysis · 26/04/2017 16:05

Even if he is a biter, with you and his nursery being on top of it, it will probably just be a phase.

DS was bitten three times in nursery - the same little girl each time. She must have chomped her way through the entire class. They've been in the rooms together since they were a year old. Within a year she'd stopped biting - obviously her parents and the nursery staff working on it with her, and became a lovely kind chatty toddler and one of his best buddies ever since. She really is a lovely little girl now.
So don't be worrying that he's some sort of demon child the way yer wan makes out. It's just a phase.

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