To retract this offer to STBXH?

[Welshmaenad]

Ex and I separated about 18 months ago, and I finally moved out with the children (11 and 7 now) a year ago into my own home. This was made possible thanks to my dad who gave me the money to buy my home outright with inheritance from my mum who died two years previously (lack of emotional support following my mums death is one of many reason I opted to leave ex).

Sadly my dad died in August, and my sister and I have sold his and mums house now. We are very lucky to have been left a sizeable inheritance., though obviously I would live in a shed to have my parents back.

I have already given ex a sum of £5k to clear his car finance and renew furniture in the room the children share at his (formerly our) home. There are other things that need doing, about 10k worth in total, and I had offered him the money to do these jobs.

Ex has recently started dating a new girlfriend. His previous GF was lovely, I liked her and she was kind to my kids and I was sad when they split. She even came to my dads funeral to support ex and I asked her to join us in the family pews as ex was a pallbearer. Just adding this for background to demonstrate that I don't have general issues with his new partners.

New GF however, is completely unstable. She hates me (we have never met) is jealous of the fact that ex and had a friendly co parenting relationship, by his own admission she throws tantrums whenever he mentions me. She had a hissy fit when I commented on a post in his Facebook wall and has now blocked me as seeing us interact is traumatic. She broke up with him over these jealousy issues, self harmed in his house then drove off under the influence of +++alcohol with him warning me to move my car in case she ram raided it on her way past my home. All this is now conveniently forgotten and he is well and truly under her spell. He has now informed me that I am controlling and manipulative, that I am trying to control him with the offer of money and SHE (GF) will not accept it.

For context, even when married we maintained separate finances, I paid for about £20k of improvements to his house already with an inheritance from my grandfather some years ago, my parents paid for a new bathroom a few years ago as a gift, as well as a new front door, improvements to the kitchen etc, so I have sunk a fair bit of money into the property, but I am happy to walk away and make no claim on it. Also, he does not pay any maintenance for the children, by mutual agreement.

I have now made an appointment with a solicitor - I'm sad about this as we had said we would sort things out without involving them - but I'm concerned by how she seems to dictating things to him and think I need some legal support to protect myself and the kids. I intend to file for divorce, and request a clean break order financially, as well as looking at a child arrangement order that outlines that the children reside with me.

He has now relented and said that he will speak to GF about accepting the money - at this stage am I U to tell him to fuck the fuck off? They've been together less than 3 months and she appears to be angling to move in and I'm not keen to fund housing improvements if she could subsequently try to make a claim on the property. I never had any intention of trying to control him with money, I was just trying to be kind and fair, but now I am pissed off.

WWYD?

I know exactly what I'll be earning as an NQSW and it's more than adequate for my needs, and nearly double what ex earns, yes.

Sorry wrong emoji! That looks judgy! I was asking as i have been
Applying for the step up today and the starting slaries look pretty low to
Me.

Glad you are getting legal advice..

I had to wait on my divorce as my ex didn't sign the clean break order..Until that point I believe he had a claim on any money i got..However I am not an expert.With this girlfriend in the picture definitely protect yourself and your children.

I think it varies by LA Count by the authority I've been with for my placements is one of the more generous, and starting salaries for NQSWs are over 30k. Agency workers in the region earn £27.50 an hour. That may not be megabucks by MN standards but it's more than I earned working in DV support, and as I don't have a mortgage, it's more than enough for me to do a job I love.

Ah. It is much less in my authority.

No no no don't give them anything!!!!

Bit of very simple advice, see the Solicitor first and be advised and guided by them you won't regret it but make sure its one who specializes in matrimonial issues!.

Best of luck anyway!

knackered that's my worry - he has always said he doesn't want more kids, I don't trust her enough to give him the option.

I am wondering if I can claim an interest in the house and have it put in my DCs names. Not because I want it but for their security. More questions for my solicitor.

Sorry Op haven't read FF but it sounds terribly similar to my divorce. Ex wanted to keep everything amicable so I changed divorce paperwork to omit OWs name and I agreed to him having the majority of the money so that he would be the one helping out with first homes deposits etc etc as promised during marriage. 5 yrs down the line the Bastard hasn't helped one of them out and they beg and plead for help. I wish I'd fought for more of OUR money because I would have carried out the promise. Unfortunately I think the bitch sees him as a bit of a sugar daddy and she seems more important than his children. Please don't be soft and daft like me and protect yourself and your children

Definitely seek advice from a solicitor.

From advice that I received - if you and ex can agree the finance between you, it doesn't have to go in front of a judge. You can get the solicitor to draft a consent order which sets out the financial relief agreed between you. This is put in front of the courts. If the judge thinks it is unfair, then you could be called in to court, but I was told this is unusual if both rates have agreed, have exchanged infuriation about assets and liabilities etc, and have both received advice from a solicitor.

FWIW I can see why you want a clean break and to have no claim on the family home if you are sorted. If you ask for maintenance or a share of the home, having previously agreed not to, then you are inviting him (and his solicitor) to go after your inheritance as a marital asset. How sure are you that it is protected from being considered a marital asset?

My ex and I had a clean break. I applied and asked for nothing as I wanted rid of him. The judge questioned this a lot, although we had no property or savings, I was encouraged by the court to apply for some form of financial help from him. I had to tell the judge twice, via solicitor, I wanted nothing.

If I was in your shoes, knowing everything you've said, I would claim for half of the property he is in, and secure this for the children.
I would also claim maintenance, I wouldn't give him anymore money and I.e the children, I would get a child arrangements order and request minimal contact with current gf due to drink driving and violent outbursts.
Keep copies of all communications, you are going to need it.
And like previously mentioned, keep in mind your exs future - kids, marriage, divorce you don't want that bonkers woman claiming anything!

Not 100% sure OverOn but everything I've read makes it seem highly unlikely a court would force me to hand anything over to him as an adequately house NRP who isn't paying maintenance.

When my divorce was started, I was also dealing with the aftermath of my parents' death. Their "estate" was tiny, no property, just £24k in the bank. There was no will, all my brother and I had to do to get the money was fill in a form, send in the death certs and sign letters asking the executor department at their bank to pay it into whatever account we chose.

My solicitor advised me not to get the money transferred until after the divorce settlement was finalised, or it would count as an asset of the marriage and would be included in the split.

I explained this to my brother, who kindly decided to refuse to sign the paperwork until I was divorced.

When it got to court (I was representing myself, as had no dough to pay a solicitor), his barrister tried to make out that this was a put-up job (the cheek of it!). She was a bit when I produced letters notifying that he'd been sectioned under the Mental Health Act on 3 occasions in the intervening years.

You certainly need to see a solicitor before you start anything.

Who had been sectioned? Wht was a Put-up job?

Please get legal advice immediately - a friend's inheritance was split with her ex despite them splitting before her parents died, despite him initially saying he wouldn't go after it but changing his mind when his psycho OW got involved, despite the fact that he took £100k from their offset mortgage savings and had adequately rehoused himself prior to court hearing. He ended up disputing everything, lied in his Form E when he eventually did one and she had a huge legal bill too!

Please seek legal advice - I am seperated and on advice from his solicitor, my father has changed his will stating I only inherit if I am divorced from my husband (he is named) and if I am not divorced at the time of his death I have 1 year to arrange or my share will go to my sister. There is no way my father wants any of his money to go to my ex (which I am in agreement with). His solicitor advised that any inheritance I received would be a marital asset until the divorce was agreed and my ex could therefore have a claim.

Can you not claim for your share of your family home and put it in your children's names or something?

What happens if he meets someone long term, and leaves them the family house when he dies? Your children would get nothing.

If you already feel he's being influenced by new gf in a short space of time it doesn't bode well for the future. Get proper legal advice and protect your kids and yourself.

blog.jonesmyers.co.uk/can-my-ex-claim-my-inheritance-four-key-questions-answered/

This is what I find.Hope it helps

Please get legal advice and consider claiming part of the original house in your children's names. Otherwise your ex could marry the new girlfriend, have a child with her, they break up and she will be able to keep the house, leaving your ex homeless anyway.

I don't understand why you are or we're giving money. You obviously left for a reason. You're only contact should be regarding children and that's it.
He's taking you for a fool and you're playing into his hands.
If you have an excess of ££ there are always charities.

Oh no OP, you need to woman the fuck up and protect your and your children's interests!

Why do you want to give away money that could be used for your DCs future to a grown man??

FFS get proper legal advice and get what is fair. And sort out child maintenance. He has a responsibility to pay towards his children.

Can you not claim for your share of your family home and put it in your children's names or something?

What happens if he meets someone long term, and leaves them the family house when he dies? Your children would get nothing.

Exactly. You're being a fool!

I would likewise advise counsel. Case law is a bit weird when it comes to marital agreements/contracts.