About this party?

[partyunplanner]

NC for this as pretty identifying...(long too, sorry)

FIL has a big birthday coming up. MIL and FIL are moving soon and in the initial party planning stages MIL was unsure whether they could host as their house might be unsuitable at the time, so she asked if they could have it at ours. I said that would be great as we have a young DC and our dog has just had puppies, so it would be quite difficult for us to attend otherwise (I actually said this to her). There was some further discussion around having it at ours, dates (the 'better' weekend when puppies would have gone to new homes clashing with their other commitments, so settling on a weekend when I will have seven week old puppies and an unrelated pre arranged houseguest) using their gazebo, etc, and then I didn't hear anything else.

Last week I overheard some chat about checking whether the gazebo had all it's bits, assumed MIL was gearing for set up, and got DH to ask her if she needed us to go get the gazebo. The reply was that she has decided to probably have it at theirs because of the number of people coming.

Obviously I was like 'erm, what are we going to do about the puppies', which I happened to mention to SIL, who was like 'yeah, we should ask my friend who you've met a handful of times to puppy sit, because she likes dogs'. Ok, not really comfortable with that, but willing to have a chat with her should the need arise and see if it's feasible.

So today I'm at SILs and MIL emails her the invites to check over, for the party, at MILs, at 7pm on the Saturday, they've been planning it together.

DH's family are pretty bad at communicating, so I'm not surprised at the round about way I've found out she no longer wants to have it here, but AIBU to be a tiny bit annoyed? There is backstory here that MIL and SIL are understandably close and that we've gone from seeing PIL a lot since our DC was born to less and less as SILs baby nears it's arrival date - so I'm maybe feeling a tiny bit sidelined (my own family live far away, and tbh aren't that close)

The proper AIBU though. 7pm is DC's bedtime. They know this, they know DC is currently breastfed to sleep, there has been zero communication about whether this is feasible for us. SIL is just like 'oh, well they can set a cot up in the smallest room and your DC can sleep in there' like it's the easiest thing ever to change an under 1's sleeping regime and then wake them up at like midnight or whatever to take them home. We have had multiple occasions where we've kept DC out past 7pm at their house because dinner has run late and they nearly always scream all the way home in the car.

SIL made it pretty clear that if we don't got I'll be the evil DIL who ruined the party, and that the only other option was that DH attends with DC while I stay home with the dogs, I assume in this scenario DC is going to stay awake until they start screaming at which point DH will have a 45 minute drive with them.

So AIBU to have expected our situation to be considered during party planning if it's imperative that we attend?

Agree with Dozer what are you doing breeding puppies anyway? Backyard breeding makes my blood boil. Puppies shouldn't be even thinking about leaving mum until 8 weeks as a minimum ideally 10 weeks. Agree with you re the baby's sleep though my 10 month old DS goes to bed at 7pm and I wouldn't even think about taking him to a party starting at 7pm I'd be leaving the party at 6:45pm if I had a 45 minute drive home even then that'd be a later night.

YABU.

Your OP is all me, me, me, my needs my puppies my DC.

It is your PIL's party. If it is such a pain for you don't go. You're being self absorbed as well as massively PFB.

What about the pre-arranged houseguest that you mentioned, can they puppy sit?

YABU, and I think you realise that thankfully. You can't expect the whole party to be organised around your child and your dog's litter of puppies. I hope you do go along to it (I suspect you won't) because otherwise I think you may look back and regret it in the long term!

Puppies will be 7.5 weeks at the time of the party, they absolutely aren't leaving mum until at least 8 weeks with all the checks and vacs. They're going before 10 weeks unless there are problems because all the stuff I've read and breeders I've consulted say it's better for that stage of socialisation to be in their new homes. Though this is our first time we thought long and hard about this litter, puppies already have homes, and are from kc reg unrelated health checked parents. We absolutely only did this now because I'm on Mat leave and can be there 24/7 if required. We did this with consideration to doing it properly long term, for betterment of the breed, but we won't be because the experience has taught us that DH cannot cope emotionally with puppies not thriving / not making it.

However, I respect that my ethics are not your ethics, and there are a lot of dogs in rescue, so I can totally see your point.

CotswoldStrife I'm thinking I'll have to cancel them anyway, when it was 'oh by the way we're having a party that night' it was ok, but they're coming a fair distance for one night, so either dragging them to PILs or leaving them to puppy sit seems quite rude?

I would like to reiterate that my AIBU was AIBU to have expected our situation to be considered during party planning if it's imperative that we attend? Not AIBU to expect them to plan the whole thing around me. If 'that doesn't work for me' was an acceptable answer I'd be less annoyed.

And I will end up overcoming the hurdles, going, and enjoying it. I think I just needed to vent.

DH is home and being utterly reasonable, so that helps.

I'd be delighted that I didn't have to host!

Doing anything with small children is a pain. Especially when it's an adult centric group. Hopefully now that SIL has a child too people are more understanding/accommodating

Troll SILs child is going to be absolutely perfect and portable and she's going to express easily so her DH can be ever so helpful and their lives aren't going to change at all. SILs DC is due any day, so will be 3.5 weeks old max at the party, and SIL will be totally recovered and everything will be perfect.

I really hope that the above, which is what they all think, is as true as possible, I really truly do. I think it's unlikely, and I do worry about them all being blindsided by reality, but you might have guessed I'm a worrier, I have to see every negative thing before I can hope for the best. But yeah, it might turn out that my DC and the puppies are the least of the problems for the party!

Ok I think the breeding related comments are irrelevant, that is derailing the thread.I don't agree with it, but also OP wasn't asking for judgement on that.

OP I feel similarly to what everyone else has said, YABU but you've already acknowledged that.A 7 month is hardly newborn.I have a 5 year old and a 8 month old, I LOVE bedtime and am very strict on it, but for family or friends meeting up, dinner out etc.I just pack up and hope for the best.Some times are harder than others, but you might be pleasantly surprised.

Go for it and good luck.

Ooh I forgot, YANBU about the change of venue.That is thoughtless of them.

As a nanny, maturity nurse and sleep consultant I am very pro routine and baby sleeping in their own bed

BUT it is only one night, your child will be fine, it won't wreck the routine.

I also avocate being able to transfer a sleeping child child, from car seat to pushchair or bed or vice versa.

I have looked after 32 children, all of them in a very good routine and sleeping 12 hours from 12 weeks at the very latest, all of them could be taken out in the evening and brought home in the small hours and transferred with very little upset.

Go, have fun, it'll be fine.

This is six of one and half a dozen of the other. You made your position clear from the beginning and they didn't object or voice any upset. I think they are unreasonable not to tell you the plans had changed and to demand your attendance.

I agree all babies are different but if you wanted to go I don't think from what you have said, that it would be difficult to put dc to bed in a travel cot and then move to car seat when you go home. We did this when dc1 was about 7 months. It worked well for us. Like yours, our first would start screaming for bed when tired. I recall going on holiday and getting delayed - 7pm sharp and the meltdown started. She was like it from day 1 so nothing that we did! Dc2 on the other hand is the total opposite. You just have to work with what you have. So I do agree that just keeping them up simply may not work but proof of that would be to try it and if they scream the place down and you can't settle them then you just go home. Then people will believe you, rather than thinking you're being awkward.

Assuming you have dog sitter you have a couple of options. If you don't then you stay home and dh goes alone and the outlaws just have to put up with it.

Callaird, you don't live near me do you?! I could do with someone like you to fix Dc2 who refuses any form of sleep out of the house!

Yes, they were unreasonable to arrange this without you being looped in, but really? Arranging a party around one person's baby's bedtime and your dogs? You are sounding a bit precious.

Actually yanbu at all.

So you were going to be hosting the party and no one has ever bothered telling you that it has been moved. That is just simply rude.

And yes it is just one night but actually you have a small baby and something that works for you.

Let dh go and stay home with baby, and puppies.

You could do a separate lunch or afternoon tea with them later if you wanted to

Callaird I'd love to know how the transferring whilst asleep is enforced?! My DS sleeps magnificently at 10 months old and has done for about 5 months now sleeping between 11 and 13 hours a night uninterrupted however due to this he only naps twice a day for 30 mins and very lightly so is very easily woken,no chance he'd transfer then continue sleeping,if he's woken the sleep is over. How on earth do you train them in this way?! This needs a whole thread of its own!!....

MuncheysMummy Is he in a good routine?, he should be having at least 3 hours during the day and 12 at night. But it generally only works if you can have a daily routine. PM me if you want a routine outline! I do usually charge a lot of money for sleep consultancy work but don't mind sending the basics occasionally!

MaverickSnoopy SW London but happy to give you a little advice if you want. PM me!