Does this seem fair..

[PeanutButterCupsX]

I've been a sahm mum for a couple of years and I finally got back to work. I earn roughly £400-£500 a week, Dh earns £750 ish a week. He has suggested that we both put £300 of each wages a week for bills.

That would leave me with £200 a week more than enough I know and I'm not complaining, but as he earns more than me surely that isn't fair?

Also, OP, your husband is being massively unfair. Selfish too. Does he really expect to go out on the town without you, because your spending money is all used up probably on the children ?

That sounds really unfair, I've recently bought a house with my DP, he suggested splitting bills and mortgage 50:50, which i said was ridiculous seeing as i earn 50% more than him.
We keep the same amount each month in our own account, and the rest goes in the joint account for bills and joint spending. Seems much fairer overall.

Separate finances stop working as soon as one partner has to take time out of work to take care of children.

DH and I both came from LTR where finances were separate (and a bone of contention). Ours have been joint since we got engaged and we've never, ever argued about money. Not because we're perfect but because joint finances takes ALL the stress and guilt out of it. Our bills are all paid, our savings account is topped up and we both have personal money to spend on whatever we want without any guilt. So I don't bat an eyelid when he buys another games console and he doesn't bat an eyelid when I spend £50 on a tub of moisturiser!

No, HermioneJeanGranger I said for me, not the OP. I didn't "provide free childcare" ever. I looked after my children when I wasn't at work, as did my husband.

Everyone else snarking about trust? After 30 years I think we've cracked that thanks. Money is probably the only subject we've never argued about.

No! As pp have said, he should put in more as he earns more. Do it as a % of earnings. Or have a joint accounht and everything goes in there?

All of you who can't understand separate finances in a marriage, could you explain how your comment is helpful?

I would have thought it obvious to know that its usual to have shared finances in a marriage, and where not, at least a much fairer approach than OP has. Isn't that the entire point of the thread?

I once had a relationship with a man that out earned me by a factor of about 7. He never let me forget the one time he 'lent' me £40 for a taxi.

me and dh havee a joint account we have since wee lied together at my parents house

i dont ask him and he dosnt ask me-im a bit better with money than him but always make sure the bills are coveered

it shouldnt be that someeone has to ask for money or get less out of your finances

He sounds very grabby and out for himself

We pool money - we have far less than you and your dh op.

There is a joint account, everything goes in there, all bills subtracted and whats left is broken down into very specific things eg, dh needs budget for exercise, I do, Lunch money, then stuff like Christmas, and holidays all have set amount going in each month.

He sounds rather mean to me as well, who would be happy with their beloved wife/dh not having any personal money???

I did find it tricky having separate accounts and a bills/family account to know what is ok to use the bills account for like soft play yes but the coffee at soft play maybe I use my own card, when my dp asked for me to add something for his friend on my Amazon account which was only £25 and he could easily afford but I didn't like to ask him to transfer such a small amount but at the same time I'd spend ages trying to find the best price for something cheaper. Obviously Asda shopping was on the bills account as it's for the family but what if you chuck in some £15 jeans do you pay at the till with different cards or transfer later or do you just chill knowing that it wasn't a £50 pair and you wouldn't mind if DH did that as well?

It wasn't as easy as just asking DP for a joint account and him saying yes and doing it straight away we had a few talks about it and was difficult to not sound tight or also accuse him of being unfair because that's rotten to hear but he did eventually understand howuch easier life will be and it is, we both still spend and save the exact same on what we did before just jointly now

You are both left with with £200. The extra he puts in goes towards big ticket items and days out etc after bills.

I don't think that is fair.

DP and I put a percentage of our wage in a joint account monthly, as he out earns me significantly. This is used for rent, bills, food, joint things like pertrol, vet bills, life admin basically.

The rest of our money is our own but DP pays for most evenings out, hotels etc.

We may have to reconsider if we have children and I stop work for a while, but for now it works well.

Reasons to have separate finances. Partner has very different attitude to money. You have different hobbies or one has an expensive hobby and the other doesn't. One or both of you is self-employed. One or both has children from a different relationship that don't live with you or debts or other commitments that pre-date the marriage. Your partner earns much more than you and you want to feel you're making something all your own (running away money, or a way to buy a gift or something your other half wouldn't take an interest in). Because pooled finances worked out badly for family, friends on in a previous relationship.

Some of you don't have much imagination!

I'd rather have implicit trust than excuses imagination.

You're married, why have separate finances? One current account for bills etc and the one savings account is all you need surely! I don't understand why married couples have separate finances.

Because there's no law says you have to? 13 years wed, still no joint account. Works fine for us.

Thanks for all the replies. I have mentioned a joint account in the past and he doesn't want one.

I said to him what I thought he suggested wasn't fair and he said how isn't it I said you earn more than me. I have suggested we put all money together pay everything then split the rest, he said we should open an account put money from each of our wages from it say £300 and pay things with that... basically pretty much the same as what he said the first time! I AGAIN repeated my idea and he said yeah ok can do, but to be quite honest I can't see it happening.

I really don't see the problem of putting all of our money together paying all of our bills and splitting the rest... it should be simple surely!

You married each other and promised to share all that you have. I have always taken this to mean equally. We have one joint account and both take what we need/want out of whatever is left after bills.
At the moment we are in a comfortable position but there have been times when we have struggled (SAHM in past).
DH earns 3 times what I do.

DH out earns me seven fold. We each pay a % of our salary into a joint account for bills, childcare etc and the rest of our salaries is for each to spend as we wish. More than happy with this as he is a spender and me a saver.

Don't give up, OP. Don't let him keep repeating his idea until you give in.

Oh Xposts, sorry OP.
He sounds really mean and selfish to me.
Unless he was extremely good in bed I would be out the door!

I'm curious about how finances were split when you were a STHM?

Ittakes2 does that mean stay at home mum?

Serin, Would you? We barely even DTD and I'm only 25 😴

It's only fair that you have the same amount of spending money.