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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be happy with my pram?

31 replies

Pringle2628 · 24/04/2017 20:54

Basically me and my partner went to look at prams and I felt like they were all so big and bulky and square shaped. Anyhow we arrived at one shop and I fell in love with the oyster 2 with the tan handles.

Anyhow we decided we would buy a second hand pram as we don't have massive funds available so I looked on eBay and it was agreed we didn't need to rush into it as we have no storage space but if a bargain appeared we would get it.

Fast forward a month and my partner tagged me in a post from his friend selling a silvercross pioneer, I said I would look into the pram and he replied saying we could look at it that evening. Well that evening he arrived home and said let's go have a look and I said I don't think it's a massive bargain as it's not what I was after so unless we got it a lot cheaper then it's not really a bargain for us. 1 hour later he had been to the house told me all about how pristine there house was and that was it he had messaged his friend to say he would have the pram and collect it the next day. At this point I didn't know what to say because he was so stuck in the moment of how lovely there home was and the pram was in such good condition that I didn't feel like anything I could say would change his mind.

He picks the pram up and take its to his mums and then the next morning he took me round to look at it. I put on a pretend smile and just had a quick look feeling very uncomfortable knowing it wasn't the pram I wanted and had his mum there saying how lovely it was and what a bargain we got.

I walked out the house after and just drove off in my car crying my eyes out (hormones). I spoke to my friend who said I need to tell my partner how I feel so I did. I told him I didn't dislike the pram it's a nice colour it's just far bigger than I wanted and a lot more bulky than I wanted.

He has since been very snappy and basically said well it if u want and so tomorrow I have a friend coming to look at it. He has picked the pram up from his mums brought it here and done nothing but have a go at me since. Telling me I made the decision I didn't like it before I even looked at it. I'm just wanting to waste money and spend more on a oyster when there no were near as nice as the silvercross pioneer.

Am I being unreasonable?

Or am I allowed to already have had a pram in mind and not rushed into buying one as I felt we needed to keep looking till we found our perfect pram together.

OP posts:

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 24/04/2017 20:58

You're going to be the one who uses it the majority of the time (assuming you'll be on mat leave and DH will be working) so I think it's quite important that you like it and find it practical

Fruitcorner123 · 24/04/2017 20:59

Unless he will be the main one using it you are not unreasonable to want a particular pram and should resell the pram and make it clear to DH that you will choose together. If he doesn't like your choice then you need to find a compromise but he shouldn't have bought it when you didn't agree. It may be quite minor in the scheme of things but he knew how you felt that and made the purchase anyway which is unreasonable.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 24/04/2017 21:00

It's...just a pram...

kimann · 24/04/2017 21:03

YANBU no - if you really likes a specific pram and like the look/feel of it - you should not compromise. Believe me when i say this as i was in a similar position and ended up getting the pram i want for good reasons (large basket, good suspension and very light, easy to manoeuvre over uneven roads (we live in london).

Prams are one of the biggest costs so you must be absolutely sure you get the one you like/need - it'll stay with you for a while! Mine is still going strong with myself second child. Y(husband)IBU

Good luck

haveacupoftea · 24/04/2017 21:04

Maybe think of it in terms of what matters more - the money or the kind of pram you have?

I have a second hand pram and of course I'd have loved a new fancy one. But we need the £700 odd more.

I don't think either of you are BU but you just place a different value on the pram. I think it's more sentimental for you perhaps.

CreamCheez · 24/04/2017 21:05

Not sure about finding the perfect pram together... Your DP's involvement has already resulted in you buying the wrong pram. Can he return it to his friend? Just be honest & say it doesn't suit. Then go out & source the perfect one yourself (unless the issue is him paying?)

SomethingBorrowed · 24/04/2017 21:09

If you are taking most of the maternity/paternity leave or if you are going to be the SAHP you get to choose the pram!
Seems obvious.

iwannapuppy · 24/04/2017 21:12

I ended up with a pram I didn't really want because we don't have much money so went on price alone and it was a gift from dh family. So as grateful as I was I'm the one now stuck when the wheels jam or it won't fold down etc. I would have loved a silvercross, but you are the one that has to be happy as you will use it the most.

Heatherbell1978 · 24/04/2017 21:16

YANBU. I have 4 buggies between 2 kids and I've researched the crap out of each one before buying. DH never got a look in!

emwantsbiscuits · 24/04/2017 21:19

YANBU. As Peppa says, if you're the one who's going on maternity leave then you're the one who will be using it most.
Also it's not a bargain if it's not fit for purpose.
I don't blame you for tearing up. Pregnancy hormones are hard work and it's a piece of equipment that you'll probably be using most days.
Can you take it back?

Original poster

Pringle2628 · 24/04/2017 21:19

I paid for all but £50 of the damn pram that we have as I transferred money to his mum for savings and he got it back from her to buy the pram. That's not the issue anyway as he has intentions of putting money back into savings on pay day so in the grand scheme of things every purchase for the baby will be 50/50 it just so happens that I had put money away before he has as I have to do smaller amounts over a longer period where as he can do a larger amount over a shorter period so didn't need to save as long.

Prior to looking at prams his first opinion was do we even need a pram as u can just buy a car seat and carry them in that as we drive everywhere. Obviously I was gob smacked by this remark and said well what about every day I do the school run I can't carry a car seat from the car all the way into school and back twice a day. Also if I go shopping I can't carry a car seat for 2/3 hours.

But anyway my opinion is that I'm going to be using the pram 85% of the time I am the one who has to get it out the car and back in the car and fit the shopping around it, I'm the one who wanted a pram and fell in love with a specific pram.

All he did was say how he would only ever use the car seat. I have 2 kids already a 5 year old and a 9 year old and I know the problems I had with prams in the past and I knew what I did and didn't want. I just feel so upset that I'm not aloud an opinion without him getting angry and irate about it. He won't even stop to listen to me he's so busy telling me how he thinks my mind works.

OP posts:

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 24/04/2017 21:20

Does it matter that much, though, honestly?

lelapaletute · 24/04/2017 21:21

I am so jealous of one of my NCT friends' pram! It's an Egg, and it gliiiiiiiides. My Phil & Ted rattles away like an old tin can . But the Egg costs about £800 - the fucking IDEA. Just needed to get that off my chest....

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 24/04/2017 21:23

Who will push the pram? The personn using tge most should have last say.
My own experience is that baby 1 had reflux and would scream his head off and vomit every time I put him in the pram. I then got a sling and baby was much happier. I didn't try a pram with number 2, she went in sling and then puschair (puschair goes from birth as lays flat but she was better in the sling near me). Just to say that if money is tight you could wait and see, you might end up not needing the pram.

Original poster

Pringle2628 · 24/04/2017 21:26

The week prior to the pram purchase we discussed furniture and agreed arrangements and measured it all up and then he said oh a friend of mine has a cot bed for free. I said we need a cot that's less than a certain width and cotbeds are wider and he said oh well we will have it and just sell on if it doesn't fit, well he picked it up within half an hour and soon as he got it home I said it's 700 wide we need 600 or less and he got his tape measure out and agreed.

He later went to the bedroom measuring things and trying his best to manipulate the size of things to make it all work so I thought fair enough we have a free cot we will Keep it.

So now we have to buy new cot mattress, wardrobe and draws to fit around the cot rather than the initial purchase of just a cot and mattress.

OP posts:

lelapaletute · 24/04/2017 21:26

I did treat myself to a beautiful sling though. William Morris print Connecta! Shame she screams like she's being murdered every time i try to strap her in... But god it looks good

Chavelita · 24/04/2017 21:28

How do you 'fall in love' with a pram, though? It's a boring but necessary baby accessory, like a changing mat. We were living in London, up steps and car-free, so just picked the lightest you could use from newborn. In fact, DH went and bought it, I wasn't even there, come to think of it.

Original poster

Pringle2628 · 24/04/2017 21:30

Just so you all know we paid £250 for the silvercross pioneer, my friend is willing to buy it off us for £300.
I have been looking at the oyster for £250-350 on eBay.

I'm not saying let's go buy a brand new oyster pram.

And to people saying does it really matter well yes it does as I'm only very small not very strong and will be having a ceserean also and I will be the one picking it up out the boot atleast twice a day 5 days a week.

OP posts:

Batteriesallgone · 24/04/2017 21:30

The pram is starting to sound like a cover issue for what sounds like serious communication problems. He won't listen to you, and doesn't value your opinion even though you've already had babies (and I'm guessing he hasn't?). Plus he took your money to pay for it? Why is his mum in control of your savings anyway?

highneeds · 24/04/2017 21:32

You're meant to very much limit the time they spend in the car seat anyway, it can affect their backs if they spend too long, I'm sure other people will correct me but don't think they're meant to spend more than 45 mins in there at a time. So you do need a good comfortable pram, he's not thinking practically or about the realities of it if he thinks you can use the car seat all the time. It's very heavy to carry them round by hand along with all the baby changing garb you have too.

isadoradancing123 · 24/04/2017 21:39

Oh I love prams. Yes it does matter. Get rid of it and have the one you want

BertieBotts · 24/04/2017 21:40

Why do you have totally separate finances, are you together or not?

Is it his first child? I wonder if he's just getting carried away with contrasting waves of excitement and anxiety. I bought a shit pram with my first when I was still pregnant because it seemed like a good deal, I never used it.

I agree massive communication issues in general.

GaelicSiog · 24/04/2017 21:41

I had a horrific, horrific labour birth with DD and couldn't have pushed a pram for weeks after that. No way in hell could I have carried a bulky carrier. He is being an arse, to put it bluntly. apart from anything, after a shit birth, a pram is a heck of a lot easier than a carrier. If he wants to push a baby out and take maternity leave then great, he can choose. But as he cant, he's going to have to let you make that decision.

GaelicSiog · 24/04/2017 21:42

Sorry, just seen you're having a c section. All the more reason he is being an arse.

Original poster

Pringle2628 · 24/04/2017 21:43

Batteries - he has a 9 year old also but from the comments he makes I believe he has well and truly forgot about the younger days. For example he believes all children should be out of nappys before they reach 2 oh and He thinks baby's don't cry!

He does have issues with listening to anyone else's opinion and I have made it clear to him he need to get help for his need to be heard, this is not something I want to get into on here though (we are dealing with it) I just wanted to vent about my frustrations with the pram situation.

As for his mum having the savings it just worked as I have a seperate account but it's specifically for birthdays and Christmas for the kids and the way my brain works is I have to keep everything separate so I know where I'm at and didn't want to mess about opening another account just for 6 months of saving. X

OP posts:

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