Socialising with smokers

[CaraSl]

A fair few of my good friends are smokers. I am a non smoker and don't enjoy the smell of smoke (but don't let on to my smoker friends about this). What irritates me is whenever we arrange to meet for a drink they inevitably without fail insist we sit outside, freezing cold, so they can chain smoke throughout the afternoon/ evening. Only if it starts to rain will they concede and go indoors unless there is a canopy with heaters and then they will relocate there.

It has started to put me off seeing them. I'm a sociable person and would enjoy sitting in a bar or pub with them but not outside. It's the cold and not the smoking I object to by the way. I just find them all generally very selfish when it comes to this, there is no way they would offer to socialise indoors and nip out now and again for a cigarette, no matter how cold it is they are happy to sit outside as long as they can smoke whilst everyone else suffers. If I say I'm cold they just brush it off. Has anyone else experienced the same?

I'm not "ill" if I don't smoke but I'm not good company if I'm jonesing for a fag. It's a very hard addiction to kick and I'm ashamed of it to be honest.

I do sense that you look down on smokers or perhaps regard smoking as a lifestyle choice, Cara? Do you think you give off that vibe to your friends?

I'm quite a heavy smoker especially when having a few drinks. I prefer to
sit outside however I always check with others if they mind and check throughout the evening in case others have got cold. Also if we are based inside I would check if anyone wanted to join me before going out but definitely wouldn't mind if others wanted to stay inside. I think if you just mention it in a nice way your friends would be fine. They probably just assume you don't mind which maybe is selfish but there you go.

I'm sure it doesn't need to be dramatic if you say you don't like sitting outside all afternoon/evening. Although you probably will be abandoned by the smokers fairly regularly so good you've got a 40/60 spilt

In the olden days I bought cigarettes before food. Just because you don't think they're a need, doesn't mean other people agree.

I have done this too. Before I had kids obviously. I would prefer to be hungry and have a cig, than have food and no cigarettes

Does someone's need for a cigarette trump other people's need to feel comfortable and warm?

It's not as simple as saying "it's freezing shall we go inside?" As some of you with a nicotine addiction admit you would be wanting to get outside for cigarettes and addictions make people selfish. Most smokers wouldn't agree to his easily and would be offended as many of you are on this thread by what I'm saying- even though IMO I'm not being offensive. It's obviously a touchy subject as many are very defensive about their habit.

Most smokers assume those who don't smoke don't mind (or decide this is the case to appease their conscience) and at the same time non smokers assume smokers are happy to nip out sporadically for a cigarette. Both are selfish I suppose of wanting to prioritise their own comfort. But don't make out if you mention it to smokers they won't get all defensive and not think you're having a dig or "looking down on them" or just think you're being a drama queen.

Are they holding you hostage? Or as an adult can you say "I'm cold, I'm going inside"

I'm a smoker and I don't mind sitting inside and nipping out for a smoke when I need to. I don't expect non-smokers to join me. Quite frankly, I don't want to spend the entire evening outside in the cold either - I'll just nip out as and when.

Sirzy

Of course not I'm trying to get round the situation in a diplomatic way, these people are my friends and I love spending time with them but it's always on their terms!

Assuming it's not hammering it down, our group holds a vote when we go out - inside or outside? The smokers are always the majority at the start of a night, so outside is normal. But as they start to slip away, and a non-smoker realises they are now a majority, a revote is often demanded

Once, we were sitting inside and a colleague and I decided to go outside for a cigarette. We both picked up our drinks, and one of the girls we were with practically exploded in rage - it's not fucking on, really rude etc. We were a big group and I'd never leave anyone alone while I smoked My facial expression was apparently sufficient to invoke an immediate, red-faced apology. But it still puzzles me - why the rage?

does someone's need for a cigarette trump other people's need to feel comfortable and warm?

I missed where you said you was being forced against your will to sit outside.

I'm a smoker and when I get too cold, I stand up and say I'm going in it's cold. It's as easy as that really.

Does someone's need for a cigarette trump other people's need to feel comfortable and warm?

Erm..you can go and be warm though? But those who are wanting to smoke will be outside smoking. You seem to be expecting them to stay inside with you and not smoke, just because you want that when the rest of the group clearly wants to be outside?

But don't make out if you mention it to smokers they won't get all defensive and not think you're having a dig or "looking down on them" or just think you're being a drama queen.

Kind of depends how you put it across IMO

'I am cold, I am going inside' - not a fuck will be given
'I am cold, I want all of you to put out those cigs and come inside with me' might well get you some s

You can sit inside on your own.
But if you want their company, and they all want to sit outside then you can't really complain.

I truly understand what an addiction to nicotine means. I lived with it with my mum from childhood (before actually - she smoked while pregnant and lit up just after I was born). I looked for places to smoke for her, I helped her when times were tough and said "dealing with the cigs can come later". I never once nagged her about it. She decided for herself to give up .
And I watched her die of cancer last year.
So if my saying "if she can give up anyone can " sounds cruel and heartless- I don't care. Fags killed my mum. There's no nice way to say it. I never said it to her face so I am saying it anonymously to you. Maybe I should have said it to her face earlier and she would still be here.

I had same issue op but am now a temporary smoker again, they are addicts plain and simple, they will be thinking about wanting/needing that fag when chatting...I dont think there is anything you can do about it.

Its unfair, etc etc but they are addicts at the end of the day and drinking, chatting and smoking goes hand in hand.

You don't need cigarettes if you are addicted to nicotine. there are plenty of nicotine replacement options.
I don't smoke, I vape but I'm still addicted to nicotine.

If I was you though I'd just bring it up with them, it can't be that hard can it? They're your friends.

The bizarre thing is you seem to have a real issue with this. Your posts are pretty fiesty yet you don't seem to have done much other than say "you're cold" on the odd occasion...

You seem to have more of an issue with snoking in general. You're coming across as exceptionally entitled, rude and ignorant. You accuse your friends of being selfish but want all of them to do what you want, for your own selfish reasons.

If it is smoking you hate so much you need to leave that group of friends.

If it is sitting outside then you need to do more than say "I'm cold", which is all you seem to have done so far.

"entitled, rude and ignorant. You accuse your friends of being selfish but want all of them to do what you want, for your own selfish reasons."