Socialising with smokers

[CaraSl]

A fair few of my good friends are smokers. I am a non smoker and don't enjoy the smell of smoke (but don't let on to my smoker friends about this). What irritates me is whenever we arrange to meet for a drink they inevitably without fail insist we sit outside, freezing cold, so they can chain smoke throughout the afternoon/ evening. Only if it starts to rain will they concede and go indoors unless there is a canopy with heaters and then they will relocate there.

It has started to put me off seeing them. I'm a sociable person and would enjoy sitting in a bar or pub with them but not outside. It's the cold and not the smoking I object to by the way. I just find them all generally very selfish when it comes to this, there is no way they would offer to socialise indoors and nip out now and again for a cigarette, no matter how cold it is they are happy to sit outside as long as they can smoke whilst everyone else suffers. If I say I'm cold they just brush it off. Has anyone else experienced the same?

I have friends who smoke (I smoke socially) but I never allow people to smoke in our home, we have a big shed/garage and a garden.

What does my head in is when they stand at the back door with it wide open smoking and all the smoke comes into the house.

Why do MNetters nearly always describe smokers as 'chain smokers'?

And what even is a chain smoker? I mean how many fags do they have to smoke, to move from smoker to chain smoker?

Sorry, other than that OP I feel your pain

I'd tell them I'm not happy sitting outside all night, as I dont' see why they can't just pop out when they want a ciggy, like my friend does.

Like fuck would I sit in the freezing cold for the whole evening and nor would she expect me to.

You've got 3 choices.

1. Tell them what you've told us, that you really don't enjoy sitting outside when it's cold. You would like to sit inside if weather is bad. See what they say.

2. Wear warmer clothes and deal with it.

3. Don't go out with them any more.

Simple.

When I smoked I would always try to get everyone to sit outside because I was addicted and it made me selfish. Now that I'm a non smoker I feel really embarrassed about it and sorry for making my friends sit in the cold all those times. YANBU

prioritise buying cigarettes over other luxuries

Does that imply a cigarette is a luxury, or is it really a necessity for your friends?

I don't think you would BU unreasonable to request a 'base camp' inside (in the warm) and that they nip and out as they want, unless they literally chain-smoke one after the other? And I am saying this as an ex-smoker. I would never have expected the non-smokers to stay outside. In the cold. It was my choice to smoke, therefore my obligation to go outside. Good luck!

I'm a smoker and I wouldn't dream of sitting outside a pub in the evening in the cold. Bbbrrr how miserable.
I don't understand why your friends can't go outside, smoke and come back in. They could go in pairs if they want company?

I understood Chain Smoking to be lighting a new fag off the end of your finished one before stubbing it out; so continually smoking.
Chain smokers are a rare breed.

I do have one smoker friend (she's not a chainsmoker) and she nips out frequently when we're out together. It's fine, I normally just people watch or check my phone.

I would simply never agree to sit outside when it's cold, it's more than enough reason not to go.

If they sat inside with you what will happen (and always happens to me) is that the smokers go outside for 'a quick smoke' and all get chatting and leave you sitting on your own for fucking ages.

Find new friends. I watched my Mum die of smoking related cancer. It's shit.
She gave up about 5 years before she died and got more time with her grandkids as a consequence. She was a chain smoker.
No fucking excuse not to give up. If she could do it, any could.
And it smells.

"No fucking excuse not to give up"

I don't think people truly understand what an addiction is/means or what it feels like, how heartless are some people. If I was trying to give up an addiction with friends like you I would turn to chain-smoking!

It's the Mumsnet way Marceline

Unlike food addiction, which tends to get plenty of sympathy/empathy.

How about you just go indoors? If you're cold, go inside?

Meh. I wouldn't want to sit outside all day/night when its cold. However, if everyone else in the group wants to (regardless of their reasons) its one of those situations where you just suck it up or don't go out with them anymore tbh. I stopped going out with a group of friends once as they always wanted to go to (and stay in, for hours) a bar I absolutely hated. They enjoyed it there...every now and again they would go elsewhere but 9 times out of 10 it was this shitty little bar. There were 7 others who liked the bar, and me who didn't. It would have been unreasonable to kick up a fuss...kind of the same situation here IMO.

Hillarious

I'm not implying anything I'm stating a fact that cigarettes are luxuries. They certainly aren't a necessity for anyone.

Haha Worra I was going to say something along the same lines but thought that wouldn't go down well!

And also "Find new friends" as if these people don't possess any other qualities! Oh Sandra thanks for helping me out when insert bad times happened but since you've taken up smoking I'm going to have to cut you off.

Tbh, I think yabu.

I am in this position when I go out with a certain group of friends I do one of several things

1. wear a coat!!!!!

2 .stay in the pub 3 .go outside and get cold

It all depends on my mood, the venue and the weather. It is their choice to smoke and my choice how I deal with

I'm not implying anything I'm stating a fact that cigarettes are luxuries. They certainly aren't a necessity for anyone.

Apart from nicotine addicts...

When i smoked i never made anybody sit outside are they sitting outside in winter so they can have a fag? pfft tell them to sit and freeze the sensible people can go inside

Worra They're not a necessity. Someone may be craving nicotine but they won't be ill if they don't have it.

You are now making yourself look spectacularly ignorant about addictions

Considering your subsequent posts OP, I think the original post was bullshit and you just fancied an argument with smokers [ backs out of thread]

Cigarettes aren't a necessity! That's not me being provocative it's a fact FGS.

In the olden days I bought cigarettes before food. Just because you don't think they're a need, doesn't mean other people agree.

They aren't a necessity for non smokers. For a smoker who has an addiction then sadly they are. It certainly isn't as simple as dont buy them!