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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

PIL Next Door

75 replies

MrBonkers · 24/04/2017 14:45

This is more a question about how you would feel if your PIL/parents moved in next door. This situation occurred to friends of ours a few years ago after the house next door to them went on the market. They became aware that the wifes parents had also put their house on the market but didn't put two and two together until the new "neighbours" actually moved in.

Sounds weird to me but fortunately our friends are pretty laid back and coped (up to a point), they moved a few miles away about 4 years later.

Could you cope or would you be getting the estate agents in pronto?

OP posts:

browndoobie · 24/04/2017 16:08

my thirtysomething year old husband was 'still her little boy'

When I heard MIL say that about 51yr old DH I said 'Oh dear....' and she then had a scowl on her like a camel chewing a lemon.

Hullabaloo31 · 24/04/2017 16:13

I get on well with my ILs and my parents, and only live 5 minutes drive from both. But that's close enough!

Crapuccino · 24/04/2017 16:15

Good... god... no. Get your house on the market NOW.

AcrossthePond55 · 24/04/2017 16:27

I'd have been fine with either my iLs or my own parents. We all lived within a few miles of each other anyway and they were all pretty good respecters of privacy (as were we). My FiL sometimes dropped by a 'little too much' when I was on mat leave, but only when DH was home so no big deal.

Seren85 · 24/04/2017 16:31

The oddest part is the fact that they never mentioned it. I love my PiL but wouldn't want to live any closer than we currently do (15-20 mins drive). My parents have suggested that DH and I look at buying a house in the cul-de-sac opposite where they live. You could probably forward roll between the houses if determined. I love and am very close to my parents and currently live 5-10 mins away but the same Street, never mind next door, would be too close for me.

sarebear1983 · 24/04/2017 16:34

I do live next door to the PIL and my mum lives in the next Street over. It was us who made the choice to move there, as we were struggling to get on the housing ladder and we were approached by the owner to do a private sale. We imagined that when we bought a house we'd try to stay nearby but not that nearby!
But it's been brilliant, I love living next door, they're brilliant and they've not intrusive whatsoever. Plus we have a 7 week old baby and the support we receive is utterly amazing! We may be the lucky ones though!
The surprise factor of the OP would be very strange though

CPtart · 24/04/2017 16:34

No way.
SIL and BIL live next door to PIL. They have been happy to take advantage of the free childcare on tap when the DC were younger, but now can't have a day out/time to themselves/ decorate the property etc without PIL wanting to tag along/come and sit with them/offer opinions. They also act like another set of parents, and the 'novelty' of having grandma and grandad close by has long since worn off and become more of an irritation to the DC. Massively over-involved, and SIL feels so beholden yet cannot move away now they are becoming increasingly frail.

lalalalyra · 24/04/2017 16:38

MIL has put an offer in on a house on our street so I'm hoping for this very scenario soon. However, she's incredibly respectful and the only thing that will change will be that she walks to our house when she visits rather than drives (she giving up driving which is one of the reasons). I would have had her live with us, but she'd rather have a wee bit of space still. we had my Nana live with us (my grandparents brough me up) for several years when we first married so it doesn't bother us.

That said MIL and Nana were not like the MIL's you see on some of the threads! My own parents I wouldn't even have lived in the same town as!

Any PIL who move without mentioning it to their children are slightly odd imo, and most certainly not close enough to move next door as if you were close enough to want that it would be discussed. I'd move in that situation.

ImLadybird · 24/04/2017 16:46

My PILs bought the house next door! They wouldn't have done it without our encouragement. They had a house overseas too so only spent six months of the year here. It was a blessing most of the time and only occasionally a curse.

FacelikeaBagofHammers · 24/04/2017 16:51

I'm getting nervous now - building a house beside my mil this year. She is on her own (literally no other family and another son who lives 2 hours away). She is very involved in childcare and lives for the kids and although she drives me insane sometimes I'm hoping the move will work out OK.

The way I see it, we are going to have to look after her as she gets older, she's 70 now. We nay as well do that from next door rather than a 20 min drive away which is the closest we could afford if buying!

We will have to put some ground rules down though, for all of us, not just the kids. She does respect our privacy but hoping having her so close won't feel too overbearing... ! Watch this space

bibbitybobbityyhat · 24/04/2017 16:54

I would be incandescent with rage!

I would move out the day they moved in, even if I lost a pile of money.

I would be speechless actually!

hayli · 24/04/2017 17:00

ElsieMc why did they have a set of ur house keys?! bloody hell that must have been difficult... glad ro hear you moved

Greenifer · 24/04/2017 17:10

I would be furious and move house as soon as practically possible.

mrssmith79 · 24/04/2017 17:16

MIL - I'd definitely consider leaving the country.
Interestingly, my own DM lived precisely 99 steps from me (door to door, yes I counted once ) for over 10 years and I could probably count on the fingers of both hands the number of times she came to my house - and we're a close family, we just respect one anothers boundaries and need for personal space.
My aunt lives next door to my dgparents and it works wonderfully - they have a connecting gate in the back garden.

GloriaGilbert · 24/04/2017 17:16

Any normal person would instinctively know that this is a bad idea. I would assume they had major boundary issues.

FetchezLaVache · 24/04/2017 17:17

This happened to my best friend a few weeks before her wedding.

She and her fiancé lived in one of a pair of cottages in the middle of nowhere. BF had gone back to uni to retrain; PIL were getting on a bit, one of them had just been diagnosed with cancer, the other was really quite frail and they also had an older disabled child living at home; it turns out that they assumed BF would fail in her studies and/or fail to find work in her chosen new field and would be available to look after them all.

The absolute piss-take is that her prospective husband was COMPLETELY IN ON THEIR PLANS, which he FELT WERE ENTIRELY REASONABLE.

(The marriage lasted two years.)

Northgate · 24/04/2017 17:21

I'd be fine with living next door to parents or PILs. I think DH would have more of a problem with it. We actually have 2 sets of neighbours living in this sort of arrangement - 1 parent / adult child (and family) pair living opposite each other, and 1 parent / adult child (and family) pair living just around the corner from each other. It seems to work well for them.

The parents doing it as some sort of surprise, though, is majorly odd. It's not the sort of behaviour I'd expect from parents / PILs who'd be respectful of your privacy.

IamRonnieBiggs · 24/04/2017 17:37

No - I would have been expected to spend all my free time sitting in theirs in silence (like every visit) whilst being told how amazingly lucky i was for the opportunity- no thanks

Crazycake · 24/04/2017 17:39

I live next door to my MIL 😑 much harder than I thought it would be!

IDoNotHaveTheFoggiest · 24/04/2017 17:43

No to parents but especially my ILs.
We would end up eating every day together and there would be no boundaries

User7654 · 24/04/2017 17:45

The thread title alone sent shivers down my spine

Lesley1980 · 24/04/2017 17:50

I probably wouldn't want my parents or in laws next door but I'd be happy with them a few door down.

User2468 · 24/04/2017 19:01

No, I'm an introvert and a very private person and this would be just about my worst nightmare.

MiL once made noises about moving to our village and i nearly had a breakdown.

I like my own space.

SenseiWoo · 24/04/2017 19:14

My mother keeps dropping hints about us selling up and moving somewhere cheaper with a granny flat. It really annoys me. She won't have a straight, serious conversation about it, just little martyred hints.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 24/04/2017 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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