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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"It doesn't matter what you think, it's not even your house!"

89 replies

StinkyMcgrinky · 23/04/2017 20:44

Sorry, another neighbour one but I need an outside opinion. Totally prepared to be told it's me with the issues, it seems things with neighbours have being going on for so long that things that shouldn't annoy me now are... it's getting to the stage where me and DH are genuinely thinking about looking for another house.

We rent and live in a 3 bed semi-detached house, the house joining us own their property. We have two young children (2 and 10 months) and they have 6 aged between 1 and 16, we've lived here almost a year and it's only in the last few months that things with the neighbours have become strained. I can't think of an incident that set it off but it all started about Christmas time.

We live at the bottom of a cul-de-sac, we both have 2 parking spaces, one directly outside of the property and a parking bay across the road. We have 1 vehicle and they have 2 (I've tried to provide an illustration!) just before Christmas it became increasingly common that i would arrive back from work around 5.15pm and NDN would have both of their cars parked in the spaces outside of the properties, theirs and ours. I would park across the road and then have to carry DS1 and DS2 into the house. I asked NDN politely if they could leave our space free as we needed it, especially when I was taking two children into the house and it was raining. They apologised but nothing changed, they still park in our space 4-5 days a week. When their parents visit they park across the two parked cars (ours and theirs) blocking us in.

For what it's worth I don't know what they do for work/if they work but they are both in the house almost all day. I have just returned to work after maternity leave so have been home myself to notice their comings and goings.

They do a lot of DIY on their house, this is fine, they are entitled to do it and if it's very noisy I take the children over to my parents or out for the day. I don't expect absolute silence from them. However, last weekend they decided to fit a new fireplace at 11.30pm on a Sunday evening. Obviously this woke up DS1 who was terrified of the drilling (as was I to be honest) and wouldn't settle until around 2am. DH went round to ask if it was necessary to do DIY using tools at that time and that they have woken up our kids, their response was they also had kids and they were awake so it was ok Hmm this was an extreme case but they regularly hammer, drill, move furniture etc...after 8-9pm.

Now the evenings are lighter the children are playing in the gardens more, ours and theirs, which is lovely. The children are nice enough but if they're outside at the same time as DS1 (2) they do make fun of him (mock his speech, tell him he's a baby because he wears a nappy, ask him to say wee wee and poo poo etc...) so we try to keep DS away when we can. Their parents have heard them doing this and said nothing.

Bedtime for our children is about 7.30pm - this past week the children next door (5 year old twins and 7 year old) have still been playing on the trampoline in the garden at gone 10.30pm. (They are back at school
and it doesn't seem to matter if it's a weekend, school night, holidays etc...) They don't play quietly and even had a water balloon fight last night, in the dark. Its not my business what anyone else decides to do with their children but as my DSs window backs onto the gardens he has been disturbed every night and woken up crying, so it's started to affect mine.

Today I spoke to the mum and just asked if it was possible to remind the children to not scream and shout later in the evening as my son was being woken. Her response was "it's doesn't mattter what you think, it's not even your house!" And she walked off Shock so it seems that because they own their house and we rent we just have to put up and shut up.

I don't like confrontation, I don't want to cause friction with the neighbours when we have to live here. I'm thinking of contacting our letting agent and landlord but don't know if I'll get anywhere. Has anyone who has rented had anything similar with owners? Is it worth speaking to them again, writing a letter or do you think I'm wasting my breath? I've read a lot about owners having problems with renters and what to do but not the other way round Sad

"It doesn't matter what you think, it's not even your house!"
OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 23/04/2017 21:08

I would move. . Only going to get worse. .
You can't live feeling like shit in your own home. . . Which it is whether you own or rent!

guffaux · 23/04/2017 21:10

and as for the cheeky madam saying its not even your house! it is yours for the entire rental period- and you'll be paying more for your ameneties like parking etc than they are

greathat · 23/04/2017 21:11

Move and make it clear why

Feckitall · 23/04/2017 21:15

I have come across this attitude over the years ...homeownership seems to give a superior sense of entitlement to some....renting tends to mean people 'tow the line' The only 'asbo' neighbours I have ever come across have been owners. Renters know they can lose their homes and deposits and be seen as making themselves intentionally homeless.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/04/2017 21:15

I'd be tempted to point out to them (having checked the rules) that if they fall out with you, they'd be obliged to declare it if they need to sell. They do sound like arseholes.

Onceuponatime21 · 23/04/2017 21:17

I bet landlord is renting elsewhere, having fallen out with neighbours and not wanting to live next door to them anymore either...

rollonthesummer · 23/04/2017 21:19

Move house-they sounds bloody awful.

zzzzz · 23/04/2017 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kahlua4me · 23/04/2017 21:28

I think I would move too. It will only get worse and in a year or two their oldest dc will be driving so they will have another car to find a parking space for.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 23/04/2017 21:33

Report to the landlord/letting agent, then start looking to move.

Joanna0685 · 23/04/2017 21:44

I would move before your kids get settled in the area (friends on the street etc) and house. They sound like awful inconsiderate people.

Kobieta · 23/04/2017 21:48

@AntiHop Sun 23-Apr-17 21:06:56

I'd make sure your landlord knows why you're leaving. He or she might want to address these issues with the neighbours themselves to try to avoid future problems for future tenants.

This.

And the idea that if they are indeed owner-occupiers and they create an on-going dispute with their neighbours, then they will have to declare it if they decide to sell their property.

Start looking for somewhere else but make sure the landlord knows preciely why you are leaving.

scaryteacher · 23/04/2017 21:52

As a landlord I'd want to know about this, as would my letting agent, and I would take steps to address it directly (as I have already done with a NDN coming into the garden and moving stuff belonging to my tenants). They were soon put right on that one, and left in no doubt that it was unacceptable.

The landlord or agent could write a letter pointing out that the parking spaces are specifically for the property you rent, and any unauthorised use will attract a fee.

AirandMungBeans · 23/04/2017 21:53

We had neighbours like this. DS1 (then under 4) had terrible nightmares due to the drilling and hammering at night (think 11pm or later). They had three older children who were screeching and yelling until 11pm or later every night, noisy parties, cars parked over our drive, horrendous language etc. We put up with it for four years and it nearly killed our marriage and left DS1 with awful anxiety due to lack of sleep and being on edge, never knowing when drilling would start. He also picked up a few choice words from them Angry

We owned our house and ended up selling. It cost us a fortune and a year on we have yet to recover financially, but the house we bought has wonderful neighbours and is extremely quiet. It was the best decision we have ever made.

Since you're renting and not tied down, I'd personally cut my losses and move. People like that rarely change and I'd put money on the landlord moving out due to them. We found out that that was what had happened to the previous owner of ours. They couldn't take the constant noise, so rented it out instead, but got fed up of the complaints from the tenants, so sold it on.

OfficerVanHalen · 23/04/2017 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 23/04/2017 21:58

That's the thing, you don't need to live there, it is a benefit of renting you can just move. So do so.

donajimena · 23/04/2017 22:00

My former neighbours were utter cunts to me. I rented and only moved because the landlord was selling.
It wasn't miserable in the end because we didn't talk but I was a fantastic neighbour if I do say so myself. I went to bed at ten pm every night, I was never noisy.
I do believe they looked down their nose at me because I was renting.
As the house is likely to be a family home rather than a BTL I hope they get nuisance neighbours they are stuck with.

FanaticalFox · 23/04/2017 22:00

Noise after 11pm can be complained about. I'd just phone the police for noise after 11am and say it sounds like a disturbance next door and you're concerned for the children. When police turn up and they say "its ok i was just drilling and moving furniture etc" they'll soon say stop doing that you weirdos!!

highinthesky · 23/04/2017 22:02

Given the circumstances, renting is a blessing.

Move and let your LL deal with his problem!

StinkyMcgrinky · 23/04/2017 22:03

Wow. Thank you everyone, I suppose writing it all down is what I really needed to do to make it all simpler.

I've spent the past few weeks wondering if I was being over the top to even think of moving when we had only really just settled and this has really helped me think straight.

MungBeans that's awful, your poor DS Sad I hope things have improved for him now. A couple of weeks ago they also put up a security light outside at 10pm with a hammer drill, DS slept with us for a couple of nights after that. I'd never want this to affect him long term Sad

Kahlua I hadn't even thought about the older DCs getting cars!

I better get browsing Rightmove in bed

OP posts:
StinkyMcgrinky · 23/04/2017 22:10

Oh and I will inform the landlady. We have met her a couple of times and have her email address, as far as I'm aware she is renting this house out as she moved in with a new partner. We are only 1 or 2 renters of the street so think that probably doesn't help with the stigma.

I'll email her tomorrow and see if this comes as a surprise or not

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 23/04/2017 22:11

I'd contact Environmental Health about the late night DIY - I think there are rules re work after certain hours at night and at the weekend. Also speak to the landlord and agent re noise and parking.

I think I'd also not be worrying about keeping my children quiet when they wake at 5am on summer mornings.

StinkyMcgrinky · 23/04/2017 22:11

Oh and I will inform the landlady. We have met her a couple of times and have her email address, as far as I'm aware she is renting this house out as she moved in with a new partner. We are only 1 or 2 renters of the street so think that probably doesn't help with the stigma.

I'll email her tomorrow and see if this comes as a surprise or not

OP posts:
Wotshudwehave4T · 23/04/2017 22:16

Yes move- wonder why your LL moved in with partner rather than moving the other way round?

AirandMungBeans · 23/04/2017 22:27

Thanks StinkyMcgrinky, he's better than he was, but still very anxious, more than a four year old should be. He's petrified of any loud noises, shakes if he hears people arguing, displays anxious behaviour, like chewing obsessively on his clothes. The HV thinks that this is all down to his early experiences with ExNDN. He's slowly improving, but it's taking time.

My advice, get out when you can.