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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to keep DD covered up?

72 replies

Callaway22 · 22/04/2017 19:34

We took the kids swimming today. DH decided to whip 3yo DD's swimming costume off her in the shower area so as to rinse it off before packing it away.

I asked him never to do that again and felt very uneasy about her not having clothes on. The shower area is in full view of the pool and DH felt bad once he realised my concerns?

AIBU or in this day and age, when we know where to be so many paedofiles etc, should we be keeping our little ones covered up?

OP posts:

Original poster

Callaway22 · 22/04/2017 20:27

I should also say I'm a pretty modest person and a lot of my unease was just about her being naked in public. I just feel like she's not able to make an informed decision on whether or not she wants her privates on show for all to see so I don't want to make the decision on her behalf for her to be naked, if that makes sense.

OP posts:

UppityHumpty · 22/04/2017 20:28

@YetAnotherSpartacus. Agree a 9 yo boy was harrassing me and my dd in the changing area of our gym. He kept trying to get us to change in front of him, was saying vulgar things and then was as good as gold when his mum came out from the shower. I told her but she didn't believe me so I complained to the gym. I don't want boys older than 5-6 in the womens changing area.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/04/2017 20:51

Uppity that's appalling! I've never experienced that, but I've had stares and boys looking under doors. It's not appropriate. I've also been told that some girls don't like using the rooms when the boys are there because the boys tell other boys about the girls' bodies at school (I men I'm sure they don't say much, but the girl still feels humiliated).

SlowSwimmingMom · 22/04/2017 20:58

Uppity Humpty and YetAnotherSpartacus

If you are uncomfortable with boys being in womens changing room, which i fully understand, then i think you need to know about the implications of Maria Miller MP's Gender Self Identity bill she is trying to push through.
If it succeeds it will entitle ANY male to 'identify' as female (and vice versa) and therefore use all women only spaces...i.e toilets, changing rooms etc etc. I suggest as many women as possible research and oppose this bill as it will remove our right to privacy to a huge extent.

UppityHumpty · 22/04/2017 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SlowSwimmingMom · 22/04/2017 21:12

Not transphobic in the slightest to worry about privacy.

Hence my putting 'ANY male'.. I have no issue with transwomen. They are not a threat. My issue is with the opportunistic men out there who will use this as a way in to women only spaces. Again, not transwomen

MrsPringles · 22/04/2017 21:20

I agree with you op, I have a 2yr old DS and I would definitely keep him in his swimming stuff whilst in full view.
I don't think YABU

CocoaLeaves · 22/04/2017 21:32

I agree with you Callaway, a swimming pool is a public place and we don't live in a culture where children generally run around naked any more. On the very rare occasions I do see it, it makes me enormously uncomfortable. It is a privacy aspect; I mean, if you wouldn't put a picture of your child naked online (which one surely would not), why would you be comfortable letting them be naked in public?

My child was sexually assaulted, so I am super conscious of the possibility though, and very clear on boundaries of privacy. The swimming pool is a public space. If you would not go naked, why let your child?

CasperGutman · 22/04/2017 21:33

I wouldn't strip my children off in a shower at the poolside, but not because of paedophile fear. It's more just a case of modelling appropriate behaviour. In the UK, adults wouldn't usually take costumes off in a shower at poolside (at least not in my experience) - they save that for the showers in the changing rooms.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 22/04/2017 21:35

I came on to this thread to reply to the op, so I will do that first, the nspcc have a campaign called pants which helps children understand about privacy and their bodies, it is aimed at children for about age 5+. So yes your child is younger but it is ok for them to be learning even at her age. So carry on as you wish,

Now on to the Miller bill. Uppity your ignorance is shocking. This bill is going to affect women only spaces significantly. The idea that a man can identify as female and will be able to access any female only spaces is already happening and people in this country are walking round with their eyes closed. It's not transphobic to be quite correctly raising concerns.

And to another pp. who,posted about not allowing young boys older than 5-6 years into the female changing rooms, my son has Sen and I took him in with me until he was about 10. He never behaved as the lad you described. He now goes to the gents on his own in public places but that has been due to years of careful patient work on my part. How do you feel about any male of whatever age who identifies as female being in the changing room with you and your young daughters?

mummymummums · 22/04/2017 21:36

With you OP, I agree.

Amockingjayhey · 22/04/2017 21:36

I dont think YABU at all!!!!
I wouldn't keep my DD clothed because of a fear of paedophilies. I would keep her clothed / covered because in that situation in a shower in full view of a pool i wouldn't strip off myself. She is entitled to the same modesty as i am.

newdaylight · 22/04/2017 21:37

Think people are being a little harsh here op.

For what is worth, I would with most the other posters that there should be no problem with toddlers getting changed.

But you're entitled to your own parenting preferences and having a quick shower then heading to a booth isn't massively restrictive

BearGryllsHasaBigRope · 22/04/2017 21:38

I would never get any of my children naked in public and they're aged from baby to 5 years. It's not a paedo thing, it's more a privacy thing. I don't fancy them having their genitals out for all and sundry to see. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

witsender · 22/04/2017 21:53

To each their own. You're not unreasonable to feel how you feel. My kids get naked quite regularly, there aren't many cubicles at our local pool so they change wherever. Kids above 7 or 8 from memory have to be in their own sex changing rooms.

They also strip and change on the beach, which I don't have an issue with.

DancingLedge · 22/04/2017 21:56

I feel this same as you OP

UppityHumpty · 22/04/2017 21:59

So MN will keep transphobic posts on but delete posts that challenge them. Great. Know where I stand now.

TheElephantofSurprise · 22/04/2017 22:00

OP, you were right.

Topseyt · 22/04/2017 22:00

At our local pool the showers are clearly visible from the poolside and are communal. I have never seen anyone remove their costume in there. Etiquette is to keep them on.

So no, I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/04/2017 22:04

I wouldn't expose my 3 yo dd either tbh. Maybe momentarily if necessary, but not deliberately.

HappyCamperZZZ · 22/04/2017 22:04

I haven't seen any transphobic posts ??? Only you telling someone to 'f* off' for making people aware of a bill that will effect the entire female populations right to privacy.

DressMeUpInStitches · 22/04/2017 22:12

I'm with gwenci I too wouldn't strip dc off in the public shower. But not because of paedos but because I wouldn't do it myself.

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