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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to keep DD covered up?

72 replies

Callaway22 · 22/04/2017 19:34

We took the kids swimming today. DH decided to whip 3yo DD's swimming costume off her in the shower area so as to rinse it off before packing it away.

I asked him never to do that again and felt very uneasy about her not having clothes on. The shower area is in full view of the pool and DH felt bad once he realised my concerns?

AIBU or in this day and age, when we know where to be so many paedofiles etc, should we be keeping our little ones covered up?

OP posts:
MrsELM21 · 22/04/2017 19:52

I too prefer to keep my kids clothes on, not fur any particular reason to be honest? It's just me preference

228agreenend · 22/04/2017 19:55

I would be miffed as well if my dh didn't this. I'm not so worried about paedophiles on every corner, but feel,that getting changed should be done in private.

PodgeBod · 22/04/2017 19:56

I wouldn't like it either, for the same reasons.

claraschu · 22/04/2017 19:57

I am so glad when I am in Europe, where children much older than 3 are still free to run around naked and no one thinks anything of it.

It is horrible to take the joy of being naked away from small kids. I can still remember how much I liked to run around naked outside when I was about 4, and how annoying it was when my older sister would make me put on a bathing suit because she was embarrassed.

Original poster
Callaway22 · 22/04/2017 19:57

Thanks for the feedback! At least even if I am OTT, I'm not the only one. It just doesn't sit well with me for some reason although I wouldn't mind if someone else chose to do it with their child. My protective instincts just seemed to kick in.

OP posts:
NoDramasPlease · 22/04/2017 19:59

Running around a beach/garden naked at 3 is fine, hell it's fine at 6 imo. However I've never seen anyone strip their children naked in a public swimming pool, normal etiquette is generally to shower with swimwear on.

Sparklingbrook · 22/04/2017 20:02

I wouldn't like it either. It sends mixed messages, when you are telling your DC that privates are, well private.

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 22/04/2017 20:03

I think you need to tread carefully in regards to telling her to keep herself covered, overreacting and shaming her is not the route to go down.

A swimsuit won't stop a pedophile having improper thoughts about a child. In the somewhat unlikely? event that there's a pedophile in the pool watching the changing areas.

MarklahMarklah · 22/04/2017 20:03

My DD has a swimming lesson once a week. Kids in her group are aged 3-7 (it's on ability, not age). Once they're done in the pool, they're showered.
Some parents strip their kids off, give them a full shower, hair wash, conditioner then put several different lotions & potions on before dressing/drying them. Some parents shove the kids under the shower long enough to rinse off the chlorine (whilst still in their costumes).
The showers are not visible from the pool, but in a narrow area as you enter the changing room.

Personally I don't care which people do, as long as they don't take absolutely ages as there are three showers and 7 kids. Yes I mean you Mrs.Fusspot who insists on a full shower with two lots of bodywash, shampoo, detangle spray AND conditioner.

bluediamonds · 22/04/2017 20:05

I am with you too on this, OP.

Goingtobeawesome · 22/04/2017 20:05

OP, don't feel bad and don't change how you look after your child on the so of strangers.

People who talk about "peodos" and perving over children are fortunate not to have been abused. Obviously I'm making an assumption they haven't, and o expect some might claim to have been, but I find people who are casual about terminology linked to this topic are fortunately not abuse survivors.

It is a worry for many parents and you're not the only one who wouldn't want their child naked in public. It's good you can discuss this with your dh and he accept your request.

chitofftheshovel · 22/04/2017 20:12

OP, you're feelings are your feelings, and you have every right to them. If you don't feel comfortable doing something don't do it. End of.

Mine were naked, a lot, when they were younger but it's something I felt comfortable with. Not everyone is. Yanbu for feeling the way you do.

gameofchance · 22/04/2017 20:12

I tend to think you should be guided by the child. My DS is v modest and I don't know where he gets it from tbh but he has been like this from a v young age. I remember nursery staff telling me he liked the door closed when having his nappy changed

Original poster
Callaway22 · 22/04/2017 20:13

Thank you to the most recent posters for the vote of confidence. Not doubting myself quite so much now.

OP posts:
ginswinger · 22/04/2017 20:13

My feeling is that children do well to see other children naked. It makes them aware that there are differences between male and female bodies. I would go as far as to suggest that this awareness might mean they are less curious in their teenage years to find out what's underneath someone else's clothing.

My 6yo is comfortable with nudity but if she wasn't, I would be happy for her to cover up. Bodies are natural and normal, why should anyone feel awkward?

ZilphasHatpin · 22/04/2017 20:13

looking at her private parts was my concern but I appreciate everyone thinks this is not a concern and I'm being totally OTT.

And what harm would that do to your daughter? She would be unaware, you would be unaware.

Original poster
Callaway22 · 22/04/2017 20:15

Thank you for your post goingtobrawesome. DH is good like that :)

Also sailaway, I didn't shame my daughter in any way. She was oblivious to the conversation as she was out of earshot.

OP posts:
muffintopsausage · 22/04/2017 20:15

I agree with you. There are so many perverts around and you can't be too careful. You do what you have to, to protect your child.

'Back in the day' it was all well and good to do that and no one batted an eye lid but with the ease of cameras now it's not worth the risk

Trb17 · 22/04/2017 20:16

I'm with you OP. I wouldn't be happy about it either. Again just my parenting choice as it doesn't sit right with me.

Original poster
Callaway22 · 22/04/2017 20:19

If someone took a photo of her naked in the shower area and shared it with some other paedophiles and they didn't get caught, I would be unaware of that, but it wouldn't mean it didn't happen.

Ignorance isn't bliss in my experience. I would rather prevent the scenario that take the risk of it happening using the logic that I'd be oblivious in any case.

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 22/04/2017 20:21

I was at an outdoor pool in Cardiff and the staff told me there was at least one man who would come to the park for a look at the kids, but that there was nothing they could do. They asked parents to keep their children covered up. It's sad, but you just don't know who is looking and what they are thinking.

ElinorRigby · 22/04/2017 20:22

I think it is important to be aware that the majority of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by a) family members, b) family friends and c) those who are in some sort of position of trust in relation to children who then groom them and abuse their trust.

A parent who undresses their child in a sports centre to assist them with showering them and helping them to get changed is not rendering that child more likely to be sexually abused. Nor do I think that normal showering/getting changed exposes a female child's vulva.

UppityHumpty · 22/04/2017 20:23

Yanbu OP. I feel the same about public nudity (boys or girls privates should be private). I wouldn't even change my kid in public. Used to go back to the car and block up the windows. I don't have any hang ups. I'm just looking out for their privacy.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/04/2017 20:25

I swim and am quite amazed at the number of mothers (and nannies) who bring quite old male children into the women's shower / change room with them where they are changed quite openly and with many women and girls who are also trying to get changed. By contrast, I have seen girl children changed in the outside pool area by men (presumably dads) who don't want to take them into the men's room. Something is not fair here!

Halle71 · 22/04/2017 20:26

I'm a bit sad that DD 7 has started to get a bit coy. Obviously I respect this, but I miss that level of innocence where they just want to be comfortable. We've just got back from Thailand and DS 4 spent most afternoons on the beach nude, because the stupid netting in his swim shorts chaffed his legs. No one batted an eyelid.

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