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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't a good way to speak to a child?

40 replies

Myloto1981 · 22/04/2017 10:47

DD is 3. I have some concerns about the way her dad speaks to her. It's just subtle things (most of the time) but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Here are some examples.

DD - I want toast for breakfast.
Him - OK
DD - Can I have egg please?
Him - I thought you wanted porridge?!

DD - I want to play with my puzzle.
Him - OK
DD - Can we go for a walk?
Him - I thought you wanted to play with your puzzle?

And so it goes on.

Is this OK or is it not a nice way to speak to a child particularly a young child?

OP posts:
Original poster
Myloto1981 · 22/04/2017 10:48

Sorry first example should say 'I thought you wanted toast?!'

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 22/04/2017 10:49

Not nice in what way?
1st example is a it confusing? Are you saying he deliberately makes her think she ordered something else??
2nd example is perfectly fine, my kids say things like that all the time and I often say 'I thought you were going to....'

ProudBadMum · 22/04/2017 10:49

I don't see a problem. She asked for something and then something else so he double checks

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 22/04/2017 10:50

I'm not really seeing the problem, sorry - is he saying it in a particularly snappy way?

LouKout · 22/04/2017 10:50

I don't really see why it's not nice, tbh

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 10:50

Huh?

Original poster
Myloto1981 · 22/04/2017 10:52

Yes it's said in quite a sarcastic way. Maybe I'm overthinking things then.

How about this which he said to DD when we were coming back from a walk and she started playing up a little bit - oh you always have to spoil everything don't you.

OP posts:
ProudBadMum · 22/04/2017 10:53

Do you not like him or something? Are you looking for a reason to be mad at him?

I also don't see problem then.

gameofchance · 22/04/2017 10:53

Is this a joke??

claraschu · 22/04/2017 10:54

It must be the tone of voice which is the problem.

A nasty tone can make even innocent things sound unkind.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 22/04/2017 10:54

I do this too my neices and nephews it's not in a sarcastic tone, it's more a wind up tone.

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 10:55

Is he generally unkind, or is he just talking to her in his way (a bit blunt) without being horrible to her?

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 22/04/2017 10:55

Well to be fair we aren't hearing the tone.

I think "you always have to spoil everything" is unfair and it's a rotten thing to say to a child - my children frequently DO spoil everything but they are tiny so it's par for the course!

Is it DDs dad?

MsMarvel · 22/04/2017 10:56

Wtf? You btw, not him.

Original poster
Myloto1981 · 22/04/2017 10:57

Clara yes it must be his tone.

I find he is constantly shouting and telling them off, whereas he says he just has a loud voice and is speaking to them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Myloto1981 · 22/04/2017 10:58

Yes he is DDs dad.

No need for people to be rude to me. I simply came on here to get some opinions.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 10:59

I think mums sometimes get a bit 'alpha' when it comes to their partner's relationship with the children, thinking it is their job to police all interactions. If he is upsetting your child, have a conversation with him about it. Otherwise leave them to it.

Bluebell28 · 22/04/2017 11:01

What he said about spoiling everything was too severe for a small child imo. No one's a perfect parent, sounds like he needed a break at the time ..the twos can be hard going

Birdsgottaf1y · 22/04/2017 11:01

The 'spoil everything' and sarcasm will lower her self esteem, so if that's happening often, then you need to speak to him about it.

Likewise if she is being indecisive, because she's three, then he needs to not get annoyed by that.

53rdWay · 22/04/2017 11:02

"You always have to spoil everything" is not OK.

Other examples depend on tone, but if he's happy to say things like "you always have to spoil everything" at other times, I believe you that the tone isn't very nice.

ProudBadMum · 22/04/2017 11:02

My mates dad was a loud talker and it sounded like she was been shouted at. we knew when he was shouting though

PurpleDaisies · 22/04/2017 11:03

Nope. Not seeing the problem here.

She changed her mind. It's absolutely fine to check what she wants.

Original poster
Myloto1981 · 22/04/2017 11:04

I do leave him to it as much as I can. She looks a bit forlorn when he makes these comments, and yes the spoil everything comment I did my my feelings on that one known.

He is the alpha dad actually and seems to think he knows best for everything. They ask me a question and he answers for me before I have a chance to speak.

OP posts:
MagnumAddict · 22/04/2017 11:06

At first I thought he was deliberately trying to confuse her- not ok but if he's just double checking? I'm sure I do this myself a lot! Toddlers are fickle!!

Saying you always have to spoil everything is not ok though. If it was said in a moment of frustration and he admitted later that was wrong and he apologised I could get over it, if it was regular occurrence said to be deliberately nasty I couldn't.

Agree with pp, it's hard to judge without a sense of tone.

How does he speak to and treat you OP?

KateDaniels2 · 22/04/2017 11:07

I dont see the issue.

Telling her she always spoils things isn't great. But sometimes young kids dont get the impact of their actions until it's pointed out. They dont realise that their tantrums do upset people.

There are always threads on here where parents dread doing anything because of tgeir kids tantrums.

And also, no one is perfect, you will one day say something to your kids thats not great either.

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