To think this isn't a good way to speak to a child?

[Myloto1981]

DD is 3. I have some concerns about the way her dad speaks to her. It's just subtle things (most of the time) but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Here are some examples.

DD - I want toast for breakfast.
Him - OK
DD - Can I have egg please?
Him - I thought you wanted porridge?!

DD - I want to play with my puzzle.
Him - OK
DD - Can we go for a walk?
Him - I thought you wanted to play with your puzzle?

And so it goes on.

Is this OK or is it not a nice way to speak to a child particularly a young child?

Is he a bit of a bully? You aren't getting things across very clearly - I imagine there are aspects to his interactions with you that are colouring this.

He's a bully.

birds double checking what she wants will lower her self esteem? Ok then.

I just think you are being a bit over sensitive.

Agree with Kate completely.

I say to my 8 year old that he spoils things sometimes because he does! His attitude when he doesn't get his own way on a day out usually does spoil it!

I do think he's a bit of a bully yes, but difficult to put in to words. It's all very subtle. My family don't like him at all, neither do the people where I work (he works there too part time).

But on the face of it he's a good person. It's his comments and tense demeanour that gets me, he always seems like he's about to boil over.

Maybe it is me. Maybe I just don't like him very much.

Sorry if I'm. It coming across very clearly, I find it difficult putting my thoughts in to words. Plus I'm very tired from a lack of sleep lately.

I think it's much better to double check. Otherwise you have "But I wanted toast! I told you. Waaaaa!"

Are you still together at the moment?

I see your concerns with example number 3 but not with the other two. However, there's obviously something not right for you in the way your DH speaks to your DD so just have a conversation with him.

Or perhaps there's more to it than that and this is just the tip of the iceberg...

It's his comments and tense demeanour that gets me, he always seems like he's about to boil over.

Ok - let's examine this. How do you deal with that? Do you all tread on eggshells so as not to trigger his "boiling over" or do you have adult conversations about it?

Living with someone this tense is not going to be pleasant for you or for DD.

I see nothing wrong with this. Maybe he just tries to keep them in line which dads are perhaps better at than most mums. YABU.

Happy - I just try to keep the peace.

It isn't very pleasant for me, but not a lot I can do. I have tried having adult conversations with him but he isn't an easy person to have a conversation with! He's very defensive and tries to turn everything around on me or denies saying / doing something. Failing that he'll storm out.

Our children are happy and idolise him so I don't know if they pick up on it. It does worry me but how can anyone ever be sure about what is damaging. It's all very subtle as I said.

If it is subtle, I would stop overthinking it. It sounds like a relationship issue rather than a parenting issue.