AIBU about DP's personal hygiene? What's 'normal'?

[user1492759984]

Genuinely not sure if I'm being U here so wondered what's normal for you and your DHs - my DP and I have a DD but don't live together, but he stays at mine about four times a week (long story, split up when I was pregnant and recently got back together). He bathes at home most evenings but will skip some days (maybe two a week), and doesn't wash before he goes to work. He works closely with a large number of people throughout the day. I would literally never go to work without having showered that morning even if I was running late. I think apart from anything else it's unprofessional not to be clean/groomed at work. Sane with teeth - he cleans them most days but I know he sometimes doesn't because I can hear him in the bathroom. He doesn't floss and I don't think he goes to the dentist unless he has toothache. His teeth aren't brilliant and he sometimes has bad breath. I wouldn't say overall that his personal hygiene is terrible, not enough to be offensive in public IYSWIM but it's less than I would be comfortable with for myself. I make an effort with my hygiene and appearance even though I'm on my own with baby DD a lot of the time and make sure my sheets are fresh etc. - I would do this for myself anyway but also feel it's respectful to your partner to be clean. He doesn't 'stink' or actually ever smell of sweat, it's just a less than fresh sort of 'manly' smell sometimes and I worry for his teeth because once they're gone, they're gone and I don't think he realises that you have to take more care of them than to just give them a brush most nights. Just wondered if this is kind of normal and I'm maybe BU by expecting him to do the same as me?

[Batghee]

everyone should brush their teeth twice a day because that is what is reccomended but as for the washing that is up to individuals i think!
I have a shower nearly every day, very occassionally i wont.
But i know lots of people who only bathe a few times a week and i wouldnt call them dirty.

[19lottie82]

I brush my teeth at least twice a day but tbh only shower every other day unless I've been doing something active that makes me feel dirty / sweaty.

[Screwinthetuna]

I don't think the washing sounds bad. He should brush his teeth of a morning but it's not like he looks and smells like a dirty tramp.

Btw, I brush my teeth well twice a day but never floss (and don't have any close family who floss) and I go the dentist only when I have a problem, such as wisdom teeth coming through. I don't think that's gross and I've never had a rotten tooth

[roundaboutthetown]

Those who think daily flossing is essential should speak to their dentists again for the latest advice, as the latest research shows it to be less essential than dentists previously advertised! That's not to say that cleaning between teeth is never necessary, of course, particularly for those people with food traps! Just that moderation means daily flossing is completely and utterly unnecessary for most people who brush their teeth properly.

As for morning showering, I find it horrible because it makes my skin feel tight - and I loathe blowdrying my hair, so I would be going to work with wet hair. I prefer to shower at night and give my skin time to recover (and hair to dry). The human body is not actually designed to be made constantly wet and then be towelled down.

[ElisavetaFartsonira]

The teeth would concern me because decay can be quite serious.

[Trifleorbust]

I think you can ask him if it bothers you personally, ie you don't want to share a bed with him or kiss him. On any other level I think it's his business.

[AppleOfMyEye10]

I think it sounds bad, but we shower twice a day and teeth cleaned twice as well.

[haveacupoftea]

Annie showering 2/3 times a day is a bit excessive

[spinassienne]

So some days you have four showers Anni? Fucking hell

[flibberdy]

Personally I don't think YABU. Personal hygiene is a huge thing for me and I would be mostly put off by the lack of tooth brushing.. I don't think I would be able to kiss him?! Therefore my relationship would suffer. Therefore I would dump him

[Branleuse]

i think if he doesnt smell, then the rest is up to him. Youre being a bit controlling. He isnt you and doesnt need to do exactly as you do.

[Toadinthehole]

I brush my teeth to buggery twice a day. I haven't had toothache for 25 years and the dentist says my teeth are perfect.

I do, however, floss twice a week as otherwise I find that my breath smells.

I did ask my dentist whether flossing was pointless. She told me that because my teeth are quite close together I should continue to floss and an interdental brush wouldn't work. So there you go.

In answer to the OP I shower each morning with ordinary soap, and shampoo my hair once a week (rinsing it the other days). A work colleague did complain that I smelt, although as this was only after I told her that I generally wore my shirts 4 times before washing them I suspect she was winding me up a bit.

[chitofftheshovel]

An ex of mine absolutely stank. He wouldn't shower in the morning because he said he was only going to sweat again. His work even pulled him up on it. It really was rank.

But I've known plenty other men who don't shower in the morning, do physical jobs and at the end of the day smell of man, not offensive and very sexy in my opinion. Some people can get away with it, others can't.

[LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle]

And Annie has perfectly illustrated what I said ipthread.

If we all had a shower a day, never mind four areas of this country would be in a permanent drought.

Its excessive and unnecessary, really.

Do you not give a shit about the environment Annie??

Next time theres a hosepipe ban I hope you rethink your showers, and you have no right to moan about it!

And what about the natural oils in your skin and hair??
You do realise you are not doing the best thing for your skin, right?

[LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle]

I'm gonna say it again...
Humans have a natural smell...it's normal! What we are not supposed to smell of is artificial, over powering smells, often using ingredients that themselves cause damage to the water system and environment

Those really strong fabric softeners smell horrible and fake, and harm aquatic life.

[HerOtherHalf]

There is no normal. However, I would say he should be encourage to improve his dental routine. Certainly brushing twice a day and 6-monthly visits to the dentist and hygienist. Flossing/interdental brushing I would say should depend on the hygienist's advice based on the ongoing state of his teeth. The thing to try and get through to him about his dental regime is the long term and irreversible consequences - he's risking dentures or very expensive implants in the future.

Showering and washing, if he doesn't smell that's one measure but even then, assuming you are sexually active together, do you really want a willy that's got a day or two worth of accumulated cheese bacteria going near your fanjo or mouth? I think you'd be perfectly reasonable, and stupid not to, to insist he showers before getting into bed with you.

[Magicpaintbrush]

omg - the not brushing his teeth every day would be a deal breaker for me, boak. There is no way I'd want to be near somebody with breath issues. It's different if it's a medical issue, but to just not brush them every single day is lazy, and it's disrespectful to you OP as if he can't even be bothered to do basic hygiene around you it speaks volumes.

Years ago I met this gorgeous guy, and after our first night together he decided to hang around the following morning but then didn't brush his teeth. Kept trying to kiss me, but I was having none of it. That was the last he saw of me. If you have death breath because you can't be arsed to brush your teeth then that is completely gross, there's no excuse.

Sadly there is no vomit smiley or I would be using it.

[Crunchymum]

Pits, tits and slits??

I know it as pits and bits!

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Lana. You worry about your hair & skin & I'll worry about mine. As it is, both are lovely and not in need of your interference, thanks all the same.

'Excessive & unnecessary' are merely your opinion. Given it's my body, it's only my opinion that counts (as I'm clearly not offending anyone else by being clean).

No idea why you are going on about artificial smells and fabric conditioner either. I personally don't use fabric conditioner in the shower, but each to their own...

You have NO idea what I do/don't do re the environment. You don't even know how long I'm in the shower or anything else about my life, so dismount your hobby horse.

Absolutely herotherhalf. Bleurgh.

[MackerelOfFact]

I can't go to bed without a bath/shower first - I feel like it washes away the day (plus the dirt and pollution from the city which I don't want in my bed) but I don't shower in the morning unless I feel sweaty and/or get up late. My DP is the opposite and showers every morning but not at night, unless after exercise.

I think 5+ washes a week is acceptable for a healthy adult that doesn't do exercise on days they don't wash. Tooth brushing does need to be twice daily though, there's no excuse for that, especially if you're in close quarters with other people.

IME it's wearing unwashed clothes that really makes people smell - it doesn't matter how many times you shower if you're putting the same t-shirt on that you've worn for 3 solid days.

[peachgreen]

Not brushing your teeth twice a day is absolutely disgusting. It WILL damage your teeth and it WILL give you bad breath. They should really be cleaned 20 minutes after eating and flossed at least once. Can't believe there are so many people who don't even always brush once a day!

[PanGalaticGargleBlaster]

I brush my teeth to buggery

Not sure if I would want my toothbrush next to yours!!!!!

[expatinscotland]

'My husband bathes less often and doesn't use any showed gels etc as he doesn't like chemicals.'

Then what the hell does he wash with? I make my own soap, it has 'chemicals' - water and sodium hydroxide, for example.

[OutToGetYou]

I can't brush my teeth after eating as it makes me throw up, so they only get done on the morning when all I throw up is bile. I don't floss either.
48, one small filling, never had a rotten tooth, no toothache ever, no diseases. I think everyone is different.
The stomach acid from throwing up would be worse for my teeth than the not brushing I think.