AIBU about DP's personal hygiene? What's 'normal'?

[user1492759984]

Genuinely not sure if I'm being U here so wondered what's normal for you and your DHs - my DP and I have a DD but don't live together, but he stays at mine about four times a week (long story, split up when I was pregnant and recently got back together). He bathes at home most evenings but will skip some days (maybe two a week), and doesn't wash before he goes to work. He works closely with a large number of people throughout the day. I would literally never go to work without having showered that morning even if I was running late. I think apart from anything else it's unprofessional not to be clean/groomed at work. Sane with teeth - he cleans them most days but I know he sometimes doesn't because I can hear him in the bathroom. He doesn't floss and I don't think he goes to the dentist unless he has toothache. His teeth aren't brilliant and he sometimes has bad breath. I wouldn't say overall that his personal hygiene is terrible, not enough to be offensive in public IYSWIM but it's less than I would be comfortable with for myself. I make an effort with my hygiene and appearance even though I'm on my own with baby DD a lot of the time and make sure my sheets are fresh etc. - I would do this for myself anyway but also feel it's respectful to your partner to be clean. He doesn't 'stink' or actually ever smell of sweat, it's just a less than fresh sort of 'manly' smell sometimes and I worry for his teeth because once they're gone, they're gone and I don't think he realises that you have to take more care of them than to just give them a brush most nights. Just wondered if this is kind of normal and I'm maybe BU by expecting him to do the same as me?

[kirstxx]

Lana that man smell though... amazing. Definitely something to do with pheromones from our ancestors I'd guess.

I hate showering in the morning and if I wanted to wash my hair it takes about 40 mins to blow dry :| no thanks.. Always shower the night before with the exception of when I very occasionally go to the gym before work.

Supposedly according to I Fucking Love Science (make scientific studies into short articles so they are very accessible to all that have an interest) the natural smell we have attracts a partner suited to our immunity to various things, so that if you have offspring they are more likely to have an immunity to a wider range of thing. Quite interesting, probably more to do with cavemen and women than people of today! (If anyone is interested I can try and find a link to the article, it was a while ago)

My OH doesn't shower daily, has an office job and usually travels in by bus. He isn't a particularly sweaty man and he always smells amazing to me! He's also got very sensitive skin so I can tell if he's been showering more than usual i.e when he's played football more than usual and obviously he showers after this.

Think it depends on the individual, if he doesn't smell bad or look untidy I don't see an issue with not showering every morning.

[WeAllHaveWings]

We are fairly honest in this house and if someone stinks they get told. everyone showers every morning, dh sometimes showers when he gets in from work if he's had a particularly strenuous day or if he's been working somewhere messy.

Teeth wise ds and I brush twice a day without fail, I floss and we both go to the dentists every 6 months. I didn't go to dentist much in my youth and have a mouthful of fillings so trying to instil in ds good habits from the start.

dh didn't brush twice a day every day and its always drove me potty, wasn't too bad when we were younger but he's paying for it now we are nearing 50. He's now got pretty bad gum disease, which has caused him other health issues and he is also fighting to keep stinky breath under control with regular hygienist trips, he's had his top front 6 teeth removed, and an uncomfortable bridge, dentist has recommended he removes the rest and gets a full set of false teeth (cant remember if they are implants or something else) at a cost of approx. £6.5k (there goes my new bathroom!)

If you want to prioritise one thing I'd try to get him to start taking care of his teeth first as the damage can be irreversible.

[GloriaGilbert]

You could argue against daily showers in the name of water conservation, but brushing one's teeth requires a negligible amount of water and is NOT NEGOTIABLE.

I am bothered to know that there are people who go an entire day without brushing.

I do like the man smell, it is super-sexy, but there reaches a tipping point where it becomes like a stale, sebum-ish arsey kind of smell. I think this happens around 30 hours post-shower.

[RubixCircle]

It's true that flossing regularly isn't necessary to prevent decay. Decay depends on a few factors which include sugar as well. If you rarely brush and never floss, but eat no sugar, you are still less likely to get decay.
Gum disease however is a whole other story. Gum disease cannot really be controlled by anything other than good oral hygiene. Gum disease is (mainly) caused by bacteria left to sit around at the gum line. Most people who have "pockets" and bone loss around teeth find it starts in between the teeth. It is also often symptomless to the person until it reaches a high level - i.e. Teeth get loose.
Not everyone will be prone to gum disease. Many people have never flossed and rarely brush and they are fine. They are also very lucky. The majority of people with gum disease have poor oral hygiene.

[ecuse]

I don't think not showering in the morning is a massive deal if you're bathing before bed. Unless you're a particularly sweaty sleeper, I guess.

It's not really about how often he washes compared to others; it's about whether he smells. Peoples bodies are different. My husband can not bath for days and smell fine, and he doesn't even wear deodorant. I, on the other hand, honk by lunchtime if I forget deodorant.

[blackcherries]

I don't bathe every day! I thought this was normal but apparently not. I bath/shower every other night usually, except in summer when I do it more often and more in the morning too (this is a weekend luxury though). If exercising I shower straight after, but that barely happens...
I don't really do anything physical and would rather be cold than sweaty so usually dress lightly.

[mumeeee]

I don't shower every day but do wash and clean my teeth twice a day although I sometimes forget. I never floss. Our Dentist has actually told us that the current thinking is that flossing is actually bad for your teeth. Doesn't help remove food and is likely to damage the enamel.
Anyway YABU and your DP's hygiene seems fine to me

[DixieFlatline]

They should really be cleaned 20 minutes after eating

I read that you should leave it a lot longer than this, or you're brushing softened tooth enamel. And that you should brush before eating, anyway, as it means there's less bacterial buildup generating loads of acid from the influx of food.

[willothewisp17]

teeth brushing daily is a must I think other than that, a lot of people don't shower every day (I do, but that's just preference and habit. however, I do know people who don't shower in over a week come on!

[melj1213]

I shower most days but if I miss a day the world doesn't end. If I've been in work until late the night before I might come home straight to bed, then the following morning if I have a day off I'll get up, dressed in something comfortable for the school run, drop DD at school then come home and do housework/have a homebody day, pick DD up then tea/homework/bath/bed and the next day when I have work I will have a shower.

If I did anything on my day off that required a shower (going to the gym/messy or dirty jobs etc) then of course I will have a shower afterwards but if I'm just slobbing around the house having a day off then I give my skin a day off too (I get eczema so I try to limit showers so it doesn't dry out my skin)

[peachgreen]

@DixieFlatline No, 20 minutes is about right (although I'd leave it more like 30-40 minutes if I'd had something acidic like fruit) - you are right that it's to do with the enamel though. It's all about catching it at the right time so the sugar doesn't sit too long BUT you're not brushing food acids into softened enamel. Brushing before eating is sometimes recommended for really acidic foods (like orange juice) - you brush, then eat / drink and then rinse your mouth out with water - but personally I think the risk from the sugar is worse so I'd rather brush after a suitable gap. Having said that I tend to avoid acidic fruits anyway for that reason.

One thing people don't know (and I didn't know until I worked in the industry) is that you should spit but never rinse! Also all mouthwash is a con (other than for freshening your breath temporarily).

[Hapaxlegomenon]

He sounds normal to me. My husband isn't very good at brushing his teeth either, he only does them once in the morning, it's how he was taught I think, and I was taught twice per day. If it weren't for me he would never go to the dentist, I have to force him every so often. He doesn't have bad breath so it isn't a problem in our relationship, although I did used to occasionally prompt him to clean his teeth before bed, but it did make me feel like his mum and also I can't be bothered anymore!

[FrameyMcFrame]

It's not great for your skin and hair t shower every day. Every other day is fine I think.

[floraeasy]

Not showering every day would be okay if there was a thorough wash instead. I mean, imagine how many toilet visits he might take in 2 days! A thorough strip wash at the sink would take more time than a shower for me though.

[kali110]

I only shower once or twice a week.
I have a wash twice a day though.
Teeth brushed twice a day or sometimes three.
I can't floss.
I think if he doesn't smell and isn't grubby then it doesn't sound bad.
The teeth thing would annoy me though.