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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline free spa weekend?

44 replies

ShootSomeClays · 20/04/2017 22:17

My best friend has booked us into a spa for my birthday treat for the night. The whole works. This is obviously a lovely gesture, but I've always stayed away from such places I've got bad acne and scarring all over my back and the thought of someone staring at it for an hour whilst rubbing their hands all over me fills me with dread. I also have chronic athletes foot and fungal infections that just don't shift, so letting anyone near me for a pedicure is not an option. just can't bare the thought of having to strip off in front of a stranger, my body is disgusting. I really do want to go, but I feel I'm going to have to make up some excuse about being ill now and let her down. I feel terrible about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 20/04/2017 22:21

Could you just skip the treatments and have a nice time sitting by the pool (you can keep your robe on if you're really self conscious), in the sauna/steam room where no one will see your back and maybe enjoying afternoon tea if it's that sort of place?

If I were the friend I'd be sad that I'd accidentally chosen something you weren't keen on and wouldn't mind changing plans at all.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 20/04/2017 22:21

It's my idea of hell too. I hate being touched by strangers. I can't see the fascination with a spa.

Fluffygingercat · 20/04/2017 22:23

You could always just have a nice lunch and a manicure? Not much body exposing needed!

MissBel12 · 20/04/2017 22:26

Could you have a facial, a manicure and a head massage?

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 20/04/2017 22:26

You don't have to have a back massage.. I've had a shoulder massage before or a head massage....

If massage aint your thing then a nice cleansing facial. (I find facials hilarious- it's a bit like somebody making a cake on your face.)

Honestly- life is too short to let these things hold you back. Experience everything --- including generous friends!

FanaticalFox · 20/04/2017 22:28

Have a facial or manicure. Keep your socks on. Wear verruca socks in the pools etc and just say you're paranoid about catching anything on your feet. Have a nice time!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 20/04/2017 22:34

Ask her if it would be possible to swap the spa for something else. She's your friend and obviously cares about you so she won't want you to be uncomfortable.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 20/04/2017 22:35

It would be my idea of hell. YANBU. Could she possibly cancel without losing money?

KrayKray00 · 20/04/2017 22:35

Oh please go. For you. I was exactly the same but had other insecurities. Bad skin, lots of spots and hardly ever took my make up off. Overweight and covered in cellulite. I went and had such a relaxing time which was about me and getting some well deserved R&R. You don't have to have any treatments. You could always get a manicure, there are so many things to choose from.

When I go I do not pay attention to the other people there, I don't care how old/young they are how small/big if they have any sort of skin condition ect.

And remember the therapists and beautitions see so many people in a day and working week. It is their job so don't feel embarrassed they can also recommend remedies to help your skin conditions.

Try and enjoy yourself and relax. I am now addicted and go as often as I can.

If you don't go, can I?? Grin

witwootoodleoo · 20/04/2017 22:39

There's no need to expose your back or feet at the spa. Everyone wonders round in lovely comfy bathrobes and slippers. You could totally wear socks to "keep your feet warm". Have a facial, manicure or head massage. Plenty of people never go in the pool. Honestly its just a lovely chance to relax with your friend Smile

Goldenhedgehogs · 20/04/2017 22:41

I had fungus feet too and get what you say about not wanting to show them. But try cutting the nails short and paint a dark colour it will hide how bad they look and no one will notice. Also get yourself to Dr's they will prescribe a pill that kills the fungus and you will be rid of it. 😀I had it for 8 years, only thing that worked for me. If you don't want to go to Dr's you can go to superdrugs prescription service and buy it there but very pricey.

thenightsky · 20/04/2017 22:43

I hate back massages. And my feet are like yours OP.

You can still enjoy the spa though. Just don't have the treatments (I don't). Drift around between steam rooms and pool in a gown. Paint your toe nails yourself the day before, so you feet look decent.

elQuintoConyo · 20/04/2017 22:43

If she is a good friend, then tell her, gently.

My good friends know I would hate this type of things - although not the ins and outs of exactly why I hate them. I am very similar to you plus the thought of someone giving me a massage makes me want to heave. A pp mentioned 'just have a facial' even worse.

If I were you friend, I'd rather you told me it wasn't your thing - or that there were bits you'd do (sauna? Water jets in the pool?) and bits you won't. I'd much rather spend the money on something my friend would like, even karting or jungle gym!

pilotswife · 20/04/2017 22:44

Go and enjoy the day with your lovely friend but book into a dermatologist today! So much can be done for acne and fungal feet - there is no way you should be suffering like this. Go to your GP and get a referral now ! Good luck

thenightsky · 20/04/2017 22:45

Golden ... 8 years? That sounds like me! I've spent a bloody fortune on Boots antifungal pens and stuff, all to no avail.

TheWitTank · 20/04/2017 22:46

You really don't have to have treatments or expose any part of your body you don't want too Flowers
You can take a good book and relax by the pool on a lounger in a costume with a robe/sheer gown over the top and socks or slip on pool shoes on? Have a nice lunch there or get your hair done? I've been to a lot of spa days and haven't felt pressure to expose anything- in fact we mooch about in white dressing gowns all day and read magazines and enjoy the silence!
That said, if you really feel it's not your thing, just be honest.

Mrsglitterfairy · 20/04/2017 22:49

I love a spa, love massages and facials etc but I also know what it's like to be in a situation you're not comfortable with. How about as PPs have said, go for the nice weekend with your friend, nice food & drinks and a stay over. Just politely decline any treatments that you would feel uncomfortable having and relax by the pool instead

Original poster
ShootSomeClays · 20/04/2017 22:51

Goldenhedgehogs I am too mortified to even go to a doctor, this is a 20+ year problem, I have given up all hope Shock and as for the back acne, that should have disappeared when I stopped being a teenager -a very long time ago- Not sure if I could get a facial either as I also have such bad skin I have worn full foundation every day since I was about 12 years old. Even when just popping the bins out Blush the only people I don't wear makeup around are my children. Even in past relationships it's always been lights out, up first thing in the morning to apply makeup before they wake up.

Also my nails are so short and bitten -I'm stressed- that the last time I went to get acrylics they said it would be impossible as they were too short. Have tried to grow them but tend to bite them in my sleep. I've noticed DD (7) doing the same lately and I'm desperately trying to get her out of the habit.

I want to make the effort to go but feel a bit daunted as I've never done anything like this before. What's the lighting like? Is it low? Does anyone see you naked?!

Yes I'm a mess and need to get over myself! Hmm

OP posts:
Gazelda · 20/04/2017 22:56

Oh OP, I wish you would go and enjoy it. No-one there will be looking at you. Everyone walks around in bath robes (I'm so fat that I have to ask for an extra large, they don't bat an eyelid) and slippers. Some wear clothes. People have oily skin from their treatment, wet hair from the pool, make up free and wet patches on their robes from sitting in wet swimsuits. Elegant it ain't!

TheWitTank · 20/04/2017 22:56

No, nobody will see you naked! There are changing rooms and you will have a big dressing gown. You can show whatever you like. The lighting is usually soft. Can you say which spa it is? Maybe one of us can let you know what its like and reassure you?
In regards to your skin, what have you tried for your acne? Have you seen a GP? What do you use daily? Maybe we can help?

JCo24 · 20/04/2017 22:56

You do not need to get over yourself!!! Feeling self-conscious is a totally legitimate feeling, but my god you sound like you need this spa day.
I used to work in a spa and honestly, I saw it all and I did not bat an eyelid. 100% guarantee you, there is no judgement they genuinely want you to relax and enjoy yourself.

chastenedButStillSmiling · 20/04/2017 22:57

You're not a mess. I got that acrylic thing on my toe nails, only one of big toe nails had fallen off. The woman was horrified! My feet looked great though. (well... better).

Yes to talking to your friend, but also... why not go? Who cares if they find your acne horrific (they won't... they'll have seen far, far worse!) and maybe they can give you some advice?

SusieOwl4 · 20/04/2017 22:58

You may enjoy a facial the room will probably be low light and relaxing . And everyone is right about robes and slippers .

Xmasbaby11 · 20/04/2017 23:02

Noone sees you naked. You've got a robe and slippers on.

I am enormous and the robe barely fits round me. I don't worry about people looking. I love going to the spa. Last time I went I fell asleep on the massage table and woke myself up snoring. So relaxing.

KrayKray00 · 20/04/2017 23:04

Why would you be naked OP? There are changing rooms, showers, areas to dry hair and do make up.

Then again saying that I've been to spas and women are walking round the changing rooms butt naked but they do that at my local swimming pool and gym anyway.

You sound like you are really working yourself up, please don't make yourself feel ill over something that is meant to be enjoyable, tell your friend how you feel if you are worrying so much.

Look on the Spas website it should have photos and a treatment menu (if you did decide to have one). It might help?