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AIBU?

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Original poster

To insist on contact details

48 replies

LadyOfTheCanyon · 20/04/2017 13:10

I'm a florist. People regularly ring us to order deliveries over the phone. A guy rang today sending to a woman whose details he was hazy about. There was a lot of "hang on..." while he looked stuff up on his phone ( work address, phone number etc).

The message he wanted wasn't identifying and he refused to give his contact details as he didn't want her to know who they were from.

I told him that I needed his contact details in case anything went wrong with the order, but he refused again, saying "it's ok, just send them. "

I explained that I really couldn't do that, as part of the contract of sending was that we had his details.

We backed and forthed for a while with him saying " but I could give you a false name and number" which of course he could, but I could 1471 his number to check if he was lying.

This all seemed a bit fishy to be honest. It's not like he said "I want to send my girlfriend flowers but I'm keeping it anonymous." We've had quite a few stalkers send people flowers and on a couple of occasions had to get the police involved, which always makes me super cautious when I have to take an anonymous order. Most clients understand where I'm coming from and I take their details on the understanding that I will protect their identity unless there are mitigating circumstances.

Anyway ( sorry, this is getting long...) he gave me his details with incredibly bad grace, which left me thinking that perhaps I had pushed too hard in my insistence to get his details. But the flip side is that receiving flowers from an unwanted admirer ( it happens far more than you'd probably think) can be really upsetting.

There is also the "send anonymous flowers and then see if she mentions them to me because I suspect she's got a lover" bouquet. This is when the woman then rings me begging to know who they're from because they could be from her husband or her 'brother' Smile

So, what I'm asking is: what would you have done in my shoes? WIBU to press for details or in future should I just shrug it off and say "sorry, he didn't leave his name" when asked?

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 20/04/2017 13:13

Should you not be telling your customers that you adhere to some kind of data protection and dont release customer details.

This should give people like him comfort and stall the women begging as well.

Booksandmags79 · 20/04/2017 13:13

If it's your policy to have contact details then it's not unreasonable. He could've gone elsewhere if he really didn't want to do it. I wouldn't worry about it.

Birdsgottaf1y · 20/04/2017 13:14

Well you could be aiding a stalker situation, so morally I think that it's right that you ask for contact details.

You can't order a takeaway in my area unless you give contact details. Likewise click and collect.

I don't see the issue unless it was something dodgy.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 20/04/2017 13:18

That's a good question. Have you checked with the authorities to see what could be the legalities? Or if there's procedure you should follow if you feel uncertain about a sale?

I should imagine that you could, quite unwittingly, be an accessory to harassment.

Crunchymum · 20/04/2017 13:19

How was he paying?? Surely had had to give you a card name / details?

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 20/04/2017 13:22

I would have pushed for the details. If getting details of the sender is your policy then that's what you do.

Original poster
LadyOfTheCanyon · 20/04/2017 13:23

We do keep people's details private- in the cases of harassment that have happened in the past we tell the woman that she has to contact the police, who can request the details from us. Unless the person is a criminal mastermind we also have credit card details and billing details.

I just think that people with normal intentions don't make such a fuss about their anonymity.

Men are very guilty of this, just assuming that the woman will know who they are from ( not her mum, sister, friend etc) so sometimes it's really awkward when they ring, it's their birthday and the flowers are from her husband but we aren't allowed to say. It makes me seem like an officious arse, quite frankly!

OP posts:
Instasista · 20/04/2017 13:24

I don't like being asked for personal details when shopping- I'm paying for your product, I don't need to give you my phone or email- and my mother absolutely hates it and refuses.

I'm really not convinced it's your place to try and police stalkers either tbh

PerpendicularVincent · 20/04/2017 13:24

YANBU, your reasoning seems fair to me.

As long as his details would be kept confidential he has no cause for complaint.

nothercupoftea · 20/04/2017 13:25

I wouldn't worry about it. You are doing it right, and he is free to cancel his order if he doesn't like the T&C of your business.

Looneytune253 · 20/04/2017 13:28

I think you can insist on taking details obv with the reassurance that you wouldn't pass their details on to anyone other than police if requested. I think that's entirely reasonable and responsible.

BeyondThePage · 20/04/2017 13:28

If you are providing a service (rather than just a product) you need to be able to contact the person paying for it in case there is a problem, or even to let them know all is well.

I would see no problems in giving you my details if I was buying flowers - our local florist will text saying they had been delivered, for instance.

harderandharder2breathe · 20/04/2017 13:30

Yanbu

Insist on contact details, assure them you keep info confidential except when requested by law enforcement to disclose them

wowfudge · 20/04/2017 13:33

Surely it is good practice to take the card registration details down as it will be a cardholder not present transaction? If anything goes wrong with the payment or there is anything fraudulent, you have no come back. You often need the postcode in order to put the card payment through anyway. I don't see why it was such a big deal. If you think someone is shady, refuse the business.

TheProblemOfSusan · 20/04/2017 13:34

I think you're acting quite right here - not sharing any details without police involvement, but you do need to take details of senders, not least because if something goes wrong and you get a complaint, how the hell do you know it's a legit complaint if you don't have their details? "Oh I sent someone some flowers and you didn't send them please refund me £80"??

Instasista, I don't think the florist is policing stalkers. She works in a service area where stalkers are a known Thing, and she's making sure that there is information available should the police need it. That's all.

RuggerHug · 20/04/2017 13:38

Yanbu. Even leaving aside the stalker issue, if you said it's to prevent credit card fraud can anyone really argue that point?

LellyMcKelly · 20/04/2017 13:39

Surely for you have the card details you have their name and enough information should the police need to get in touch with them. A phone number is useful if something goes wrong, but if they've won't give it just explain that they do so at their own risk.

Original poster
LadyOfTheCanyon · 20/04/2017 13:44

Yes we take card reg details down with payment to cover is if there are any fraudulent transactions.

I'm not policing stalkers, no. But I've seen the distress they cause and would rather not add to it if it can be avoided!

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyOfTheCanyon · 20/04/2017 13:46

You wouldn't believe how many numpties try and use stolen credit cards through our webshop though.

OP posts:
cdtaylornats · 20/04/2017 13:49

I once sent flowers to my friends wife as she was starting her first headmistress job and I knew he wouldn't bother.

She loved them mainly because when they arrived her secretary said "You must have a lovely husband" and she replied "Oh, they aren't from my husband".

She reckoned she was the talk of the school by lunchtime.

PollyPerky · 20/04/2017 13:55

I think you were being unreasonable.

If you have a CC number and name that is enough. Surely as part of the CC transaction their details would be on the system anyway? (ie the question is always asked- is your billing address the same as your home address etc)

The police can do the rest but in reality just HOW many times in your business have you aided the police with stalking? Not much I bet.

I think you have to put the customer's needs first.

HerOtherHalf · 20/04/2017 13:56

What's the problem? You have his credit card details and you should always take a contact telephone number in case there are problems making the delivery. If it is harassment, the "victim" reports it to the police, the police contact you, you give them the CC details and phone number, they deal with it. If he does give you an address you've no way of knowing it's genuine anyway.

How do you cope with St Valentines day, one of your busiest days of the year when it's traditional to send anonymous gifts?

PollyPerky · 20/04/2017 13:58

but I could 1471 his number to check if he was lying.

Not if he had withheld it by dialling 141 first :)

Stop being a super sleuth. Do what you need to protect your payments, and leave the rest alone.

PollyPerky · 20/04/2017 13:59

TBH the more I read your OP the less sense it makes.
If he ordered by phone, you'd have his CC number and name. What more did you want? He doesn't have to give you an address or phone number.

thirdDozen · 20/04/2017 14:03

Stop being a super sleuth. Do what you need to protect your payments, and leave the rest alone.

This.

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