Can I get custody?

[BackInBlack78]

Not an AIBU but not sure where to post, and posted for traffic also.

Background: left my partner Dave due to massive drinking issues and verbal abuse while drinking (think 10 cans followed by a bottle of Jack Daniels on a weekend binge). Dave has a 6 year old boy to Anna who passed away before the child turned 2.

Dave's drinking has got to a point where his child's welfare has come into question. Anna's mum and I have become quite close although she lives 90 minutes away. She would love to go for custody but wouldn't like to uproot the child. She has suggested I try for custody to keep him in his home town and is happy to back me 100% should I choose to do this.

I am not blood but have been a large part of the child's life for many years and would love for him to have a better chance at life than he'll have with his dad. Dave's mum was an alcoholic and being a family disease I'd hate for the child to be affected also.

WWYD in this situation?

(Names are changed)

This problem is far too big for you to handle in your own.

If you are too afraid to call SS and admit who you are I suggest that if you know he is I toxicated at 7am in the morning you call the police at that time who will promptly go to the property.

If this man smells of alcohol or turns up to school under the influence then Education would alert SW.

Obviously the other thing to do is call SS yourself and give them the whole story and see what they say.

There is no easy way out for you here, he won't magically give you custody of his son.

I'm afraid at the minute you are putting yourself above the welfare of that boy.

no idea what advice to offer, but thank the lord this little boy has you and a loving grandmother looking out for him - best of luck xxxx

This is a no brainer, SS should be contacted immediately. I get the impression that there are too many adults prioritising their wants over this vulnerable child's needs.

You need to tell social care. They can then make an assessment if any further intervention is needed. Also, If in future they were considering you as a carer, part of that assessment would be your ability to protect Lewis. If you knew about the alcohol use and hadn't acted protectively this could cause them to wonder why and how they would know you would in future (i am a social worker if that helps and that would be my thinking - not ness a deal breaker but would be considered)

You are right that you are being selfish in wanting to maintain contact for yourself above the welfare of this child. You need to put the child first and contact SS.

I appeared to be fed, clean, clothed and at school every day. I slipped through the gaps due to that. And so did my 4 siblings.

Reality, however, was that I wasnt eating - only at school as it was FSM.

My shoes had holes on the bottom that I'd patched up. They were also too small and my feet were covered in weeping blisters. I also didn't have a coat during winter and nobody noticed that either.

My siblings appeared that way because I was doing all that.

There was hardly any food in. When there was she wouldn't let us eat it. I got a vicious beating for having a drink of milk once. That sort of thing happened regularly.

I practically raised my siblings whilst cowering in terror from a bat shit alcoholic who was NOT functioning but was a very skilled liar and putting on a front.

Don't leave Lewis like this. It will be worse than you know.