To give birth alone . . . ?

[Flowers54]

DH works away; the plan was for him to relocate nearer to home prior to DC4 being born in a few months. He's told me today that he probably wont have a job near to home by the time the baby comes so for him to make the birth it would need to fall on his odd weekend home or a long labour (10+ hours) to allow him to leave work & get home etc . . . I blame myself a bit because if I wasn't so laid back he might have tried harder to look for other work however it is what it is.

My issue now is whether to have someone else at the birth. My mum passed away, so have MIL, aunties, friends, cousins etc who would step in BUT i actually don't know if I want anyone there. (Most are overbearing or i just dont feel naturally comfortable with the thought of them there) Previous births were not straight forward; DH was there and despite his best efforts didn't give a huge amount of support (im probably being harsh because I unfairly compare to how fab my mum would have been). But, childbirth is not dignified; im a prude, im 99.9% only interested in whst midwife / Dr has to say, so is there any point in having anyone else?? I dont want to offend anyone but I know they will think Im mad 'you cant do it alone / ill come / you need somebody with you'.

By the time I've got to the end of this post, the fear of child birth has set in and Im thinking do I need someone with me.

Has anyone done it alone? Any experiences or just any advice / suggestions?? [I'll be another left over Easter egg while i await your responses]

I had both mine alone, without a birth partner, first time by bad planning second time by choice. It was what I wanted and it was fine. Glad I did it that way.

I've given birth five times alone and it was no problem or big deal in fact I prefer it

I wish I had gone it alone, my kids dad was more a pain that the actual pain of giving birth

Although if I could go back in time I think I would take a friend who would be happy to keep me company while I was off my rocker and run around after me, fetch me water, find the midwife when I had run out of gas and air that kind of thing but doesn't necessarily have to be in the room at the point of giving birth

I'd do it alone rather than have someone there that I wasn't comfortable with. You'll have a midwife so won't be completely alone. You might also change your mind while in labour and suddenly want a certain someone there. If not, it doesn't matter...the two most important people will be there and that's you and your baby

Yes alone and happily
Do you have access to onetoone midwives op? Worth a google. Similar to a doula in the relationship you build, but free

I've never told my DH this but when I gave birth to my fourth I didn't need him there - me and the midwife were so in tune that I trusted her completely and it was my most positive labour experience.

Good luck Flowers, hope you have a good birth.

I think that there's a difference between labouring alone and actually delivering alone (by alone I mean with HCPs but not a friend or family member)

I wouldn't have wanted to be alone in a hospital bed for hours during early labour - the midwife will only pop in now and again, and I would want someone else there, even if only to fetch me stuff!

I was just thinking about this earlier. DS2 is due in July and while lots of people have offered to have DS1 there's only a couple I'd actually be happy leaving him with. Have said to DH that unless they're available when I go Into labour I'd rather he stayed with DS1, as I'd much rather do it alone than be stressing about how DS is. And if I couldn't have him I wouldn't want anyone else, either.

YANBU but I would probably look into a doula

When I went into stage 2 I didn't want anyone else there except the midwife. That came as a surprise.

I have not given birth alone but have an extremely squeamish husband and made it clear I was prepared to. There is no way I would have wanted relatives there - even a mum or sister. To me, there are boundaries.

I'd definitely get a Doula in your position. They're there for you, and will definitely know how to be supportive, that's what they're good at.

We had a traumatic birth with DC1 and DH really couldn't handle watching another birth when I fell pregnant with DC2, which actually suited as he'd been utterly useless as a birth partner. So he stayed at home (which was very convenient in terms of childcare for DC1), and I went to hospital with an independent midwife I'd hired. The birth was a million times better when I could focus on giving birth rather than worrying about DH at the same time. We don't want anymore DC but if we did, without question I'd leave DH with the kids and go by myself.

I gave birth with a doula and a midwife. I couldn't have felt more supported.

I've always said if I had a baby I wouldn't want anyone in the room with me (other than trained professionals!). I'm now pregnant and still feel that way, though my husband has started to say that he thinks he wants to be there. If he really wants to then I don't mind, but I won't care if he's not there. And I wouldn't want my mum or sister there, as much as I love them. I'm a prude too and hate the thought of someone I know seeing me in such an undignified state! I don't mind my husband seeing it but I'd rather just get on with it myself.

Would you consider having a doula? They are meant to be a fantastic support through labour.

Could you have one or 2 people you are close enough to on stand by. You could go it alone then if you felt during labour you needed someone you could call on them to come to the hospital?

I had a home birth with DC3 for this reason- DD1 and DD2 just stayed upstairs in bed and got up in the morning to a new brother. If I'd had to be transferred obviously DH would have had to stay with them but it was much less disruptive.
To be honest though, I sent DH into the kitchen to 'cook me a meal' as he was irritating me and I had five midwives there when they were handing over (two from each shift and a student), so I didn't need him anyway.
He was actually rather useless, despite being all round lovely and useful normally. I hope he doesn't read this

Not to be a downer but if it does all go a bit wrong and the baby needs support there will be no one to go with the baby. I wouldn't mind labouring alone but the thought of them sorting me out and the baby being whisked away on his/her own isn't one I could stomach.

As PPs have said - someone on standby? I think it's amazing you're going for it on your own - I really admire that! And I'm glad you have had lots of support on here. Perhaps someone just to pop up in case you change your mind or to see you after baby is born if you just want a hug could be handy. But maybe that's me being needy!!

All the best

I had DS alone. I didn't miss the company. You'll be fine OP

I had DS2 alone as he arrived j expectedly early and very quick. It was much better for me being alone with the midwives. Didn't have to see DH looking worried everytime one of the machines beeped. I was too busy having the baby to give it a second thought. I normally a quiet person but when in pain I'm very vocal about demanding what I want - will you be able to speak up for yourself?

Can I add a caution for you, if things don't go to plan you might wish someone was there to hear and interpret what was happening. As an example my dd2 was emcs and immediately taken to scbu so dh could go with her while I was wheeled to recovery. With dd1 some things happened I wanted to check with him after wards. It needs to be someone you trust so I don't know who and I'm sure loads of women are fine with no birthing partner but just wanted to give you another view to consider.