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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to leave my baby overnight just yet?

63 replies

LilacSpatula · 19/04/2017 20:53

She's 19 weeks and we have been invited to a wedding. They're happy for her to come but it's in Manchester and we are in the Home Counties, so it's fairly far away. Am I being precious in wanting her to be with me, even though I know she won't get much out of it? My sister has offered to have her.

Am I just being a knob? DH doesn't mind and has offered to go up to the hotel room when she sleeps so that I can hang out with my friends but I'm worried I'm being precious.

OP posts:
whyayepetal · 19/04/2017 21:24

YANBU! I still miss my DDs if they are away overnight (and they are 18 and 16!) Shock Blush Grin

glitterglitters · 19/04/2017 21:27

My dd is 22 months old. I've left her overnight once and even then I had to reallllllly push myself. So no. It's a normal natural reaction and I don't know why people are in such a rush to leave their kids overnight if I'm honest 🙊

April229 · 19/04/2017 21:33

Don't give it a second thought. Your baby, don't leave her until you're good and ready. Mines 20 months still haven't left her overnight.

Original poster
LilacSpatula · 19/04/2017 22:54

Thank you! I thought I was being ambit of a knob and just needed to check with normal people that I'm not being weird. I think my sister thought I'd leap at the chance but I just don't feel it. She's not coming to the wedding so it would mean being a good few hrs away from DD. Thanks though, I don't feel like a weirdo now Smile

OP posts:
Imaginosity · 19/04/2017 23:16

I don't like leaving my children and the eldest is 7 years old unless I really need too - maybe I'm a little weird Grin. Everyone's different some people are comfortable leaving them at a few weeks old and that's fine once the parents and baby are happy with it. Just stick with what feels right to you - don't feel like you should behave a certain way just because other people might think it's odd or have different ways.

Original poster
LilacSpatula · 19/04/2017 23:46

Thank you imagin - it's hard not to be swayed by what other people think is normal

OP posts:
1bighappyfamily · 19/04/2017 23:50

Hang on. She's 19 weeks now. How old will she be when the wedding happens?

And DONT'T bring her and assume she'll fall asleep in the pushchair. I was at a wedding once where a bunch of people did that and it was dreadful. All the speeches disturbed by either crying or people running out to stop children crying. I thought it was really inconsiderate.

chocolatesavedmysanity · 20/04/2017 00:38

Going against the grain here.. i think yabu.. based on my experience.
I went back to work when dd6 was19 weeks old and she'd had quite a few sleepovers and both grandparents, my sister's, aunts etc before that.
Maybe I'm the shit mum!
But what do you know she is incredibly loving, considerate, polite, kind, intelligent, bright and confident. She loves me and I love her unconditionally... she is top of her class for numeracy and literacy so all my palming her off onto others at such an early age has for her no harm whatsoever!

Give her to your sister and enjoy the wedding! You deserve a little break from the hardest job in the world!!!

Littlelegs19 · 20/04/2017 01:05

Nope, dont leave her, she needs you. We went to a wedding a few weeks back and DS was 17W at the time. It was a 3 hour drive and a 2 night over stay. The evening of the wedding, me and DH just went to the room at DS normal bath time, bath and bottle and put him in his pram and he went to sleep and stayed there till 5am. He slept through the whole wedding reception, loud music and all. At that age they will still pretty much sleep any where.
Go to the wedding, enjoy your self

TheConstantCakeEater · 20/04/2017 06:25

YANBU Never left DS nearly 5 but left DD happily from just under a year. 20 weeks is still small.

NavyandWhite · 20/04/2017 06:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KayTee87 · 20/04/2017 07:01

You're not being precious. My ds is almost 9 months and hasn't been left with anyone longer than a couple of hours so far. The first overnight he will have he'll be 11 months and I'm not looking forward to it.

BoredOnMatLeave · 20/04/2017 07:04

My DD is 9 months and whilst I would leave her for 1 night I couldn't go that far, and that long. I could do the actual night but not a full day too.

Foreverhopeful22 · 20/04/2017 07:06

Had exact same thing and went and stayed in hotel.

Left venue a bit early . But it was the only option I couldn't leave her

DorothyHarris · 20/04/2017 07:09

Yanbu OP your baby is still tiny. I didn't leave my PFB DD until she was two and that was to go to hospital to have my twins. She's three now and that's the only time I've left her overnight Blush

mummy2oneandtwo · 20/04/2017 07:09

I don't think it's a yanbu or yabu. It's completely what is right for you and how you feel, I think having a night away can be really good.

I went to my best friends wedding and stayed away when my twins were about 17 weeks old and the grandparents watched them. I was absolutely fine and had a brilliant time with my husband, but I couldn't wait to get back to them the next day either!

Since then I've been to Lisbon without them, Edinburgh and have a hen weekend coming up too. They're 19 months now and I really feel it's good to have some 'me' time, although I'm always desperate to get back to them!!

Also, I had to spend 5 weeks away from them every night as they were prem and in neonatal, being away from your newborn, poorly babies every night like that is so unnatural, but I think it has made me comfortable to be away from them for short periods of time, knowing they are safe at home with family.

Do what you're comfortable with, are there other people at the wedding that can help with baby, so you and your partner can enjoy the odd dance, have a break etc?

Original poster
LilacSpatula · 20/04/2017 09:52

The wedding is at the end of April so not long to decide. i thought I'd be ok with it by now but I'm just not.

OP posts:
Backhometothenorth · 20/04/2017 10:02

For my best friends wedding, I booked an extra room for my mum. She looked after DD in the day and I popped back and fed her a few times, was there to put her to bed and then had a good old knees up before going back to sleep with her when my mum turned in for the night. Worked really well and mum enjoyed it too.

NavyandWhite · 20/04/2017 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastyFingers · 20/04/2017 14:37

I'd take her, I've never left DDs 3&16mo overnight and wouldn't unless it was unavoidable.

You'll probably have more fun knowing your baby is safe nearby with your dh.

Questioningeverything · 20/04/2017 14:47

Only do it when you're ready. My ds started overnights with his dad about 4weeks ago (he's nearly 9months) purely so I could get some rest. Won't leave him with anyone else though!

Chattycat78 · 20/04/2017 14:51

No. My baby is 10 months and I've only left him overnight by choice once when he was 9.5 months old. I say "by choice" as I had to stay overnight in hospital the other week so had to leave him then too. 19 weeks is mega early and still in
Night feed territory I'm guessing.

ineedwine99 · 20/04/2017 14:58

Mines 8 months and i wont leave her over night yet :-)

farfarawayfromhome · 21/04/2017 05:27

YANBU at all! I left DD with DH when she was 12 weeks old to stay in a hotel 30 mins away with a friend for her birthday for the weekend. it was glorious (and oh my goodness, the sleep!!!) but it was very close and i knew i could be home quickly if needed. she was also FF and DH actually relished time with her so i knew she was in super safe hands.

manchester/home counties is a long stretch though.

Florrieboo · 21/04/2017 05:34

My daughter is 5 years old, she has never spent a night away from me (or me her!) and it will be a long time barring emergencies before she does. She is also top of her class for literacy and numeracy so not being left has done her no harm either.