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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want daughter having a sleepover in my home

57 replies

charley30 · 19/04/2017 18:42

I'm worrying myself sick . It's all she wants to do over Easter . I really feel if I said no she'd be upset . She's an only child just moved to a new school and gas just met a bunch of great kids . She's slept over in one of their houses lately but then got this idea and it's been carried on from there as they're off school . I don't have any idea where to start what do they need how to keep them entertained . They're 11 oh in such a tizz IV been so unwell since Christmas with thyroid iv lost a lot of confidence and trying not to show it . Was thinking of giving them the living room any ideas?

OP posts:

Thebookswereherfriends · 19/04/2017 18:45

Set a limit on how many 1 or 2. Find a couple of films for them to watch. Make popcorn. Have pizza. If her room is big enough I would say they had to go to bed in there.
If you really don't want to do it, then explain that you don't feel well enough and maybe do it at a later date.

Helenluvsrob · 19/04/2017 18:46

Stop panicking ! Supply pop pizza age appropriate dvds and popcorn and tell them to bring sleeping bags. Make sure you meet who ever drops them off and get a contact number.

Let them have th lounge and leave them to it

acornsandnuts · 19/04/2017 18:46

I make the most of sleepovers and go to my room with a hot chocolate and a book.

Rules for all though before you do re mess, spillages and tidying.

Noise levels after a certain time, we usually say 11 and lights out and asleep by 12. Consequences are separate rooms.

Coastalcommand · 19/04/2017 18:47

Yes, one or two much easier than 6 or more!

khajiit13 · 19/04/2017 18:48

Definitely only have one over. Movie, take them out for snacks to eat during movie, maybe a pizza. At eleven they should be able to entertain themselves for the most part

Angelicinnocent · 19/04/2017 18:48

Give them the living room, order pizza from the local takeaway, provide tubes of crisps, popcorn, sweets etc and don't worry about 1 night of eating crap. Then making sure they can't access any TV content they shouldn't (ditto internet) retire to your bedroom but leave the door open so you can hear any problems. If it's your first sleepover, be prepared to do nothing the next day as they will keep you awake all night!

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/04/2017 18:51

I had 7 6 year olds for a sleepover... as part of a promise to DD on a playdate circuit she was on and I was dreading it!

I got trolls, Moana and a few air beds prepared... ordered them pizza, let them make sundaes and it was actually really sweet!

arbrighton · 19/04/2017 18:52

She is old enough to understand you are unwell- does she know that? If you weren't unwell, would it be ok?

But as others have said, provide pizza and tv/ appropriate DVDs, retreat and just listen out for trouble

Original poster

charley30 · 19/04/2017 18:52

Hi thank you there's 3 apparently . I think I'm worried as I don't know where to start re bedding etc . I know my daughter will be so happy as we haven't got to do much . I don't go out a lot . Am waiting on b12 inj tomorrow so that might lift me . But I do get anxious about every little thing . Wish I didn't . Just want to be normal . Thanks for input xx

OP posts:

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/04/2017 18:53

(Since then she's had 1 child for a sleepover a few times and it's felt like the easiest thing in the world )

MrsEricBana · 19/04/2017 18:53

Ah I get it, I'm not a fan of sleepovers at all (partly because I'm very OCD and partly because ds1 has a sleeping disorder so bedtime has always been an issue for us). However, kids love them. I'd limit the numbers to 4, let them play then do favourite tea. Play after tea then get them to set up their own sleeping area (upstairs not living room). Movie (non scary) and homemade popcorn and hot chocolate. Lights out not too late and, very important, at that point take devices away so nothing untoward is watched during the night (this happened at two sleepovers when dcs were in year 5 and 6). Let them chat but check on them periodically.
If you really can't manage then do similar but without the sleeping and just ask parents to do a late pick up as a one off - I used to fetch ds1 from sleepovers at 10pm before the "sleeping" and he was always relieved to be coming home. Definitely don't feel bad if you don't feel up to doing a full sleepover, especially if you've been unwell x

Original poster

charley30 · 19/04/2017 18:54

Where do I get air beds ? That's a great idea . Yes she knows I'm unwell . Think I'm so used to my own bedtime routine . Have got a bit set in my ways X

OP posts:

sunbird17 · 19/04/2017 18:54

Echoing previous posters. At 11, they should be able to entertain themselves. Get an oven pizza and a couple of DVDs. You aren't expected to provide entertainment. At that age, we'd paint our nails, do each other's hair, flick through magazines, etc. Ask the friends to bring their own sleeping bags, put them all in the living room and enjoy a nice relaxing evening upstairs. They will be exhausted the next day so ask the parents to collect them before 10 am!

Original poster

charley30 · 19/04/2017 18:57

You're all so kind and understanding I so appreciate it . I thought I was only one that didn't like them X
It's the responsibility of looking after someone else's kids I suppose . I can't do the stress x

OP posts:

motherofdaemons · 19/04/2017 18:58

My 8 year old loves sleepovers! Keep the numbers small (I'd have 4 including my DD max, 2 is better), get the girls to bring their own bedding. Snacks, movies, popcorn, hot chocolate, upstairs to bed at 10, chat till whenever but no devices. Pancakes for breakfast and pick up by 11 before they get fractious. It will be fine!!

TessaTeacake · 19/04/2017 19:00

The threat in our house has always been that if it's not quiet by a certain time, then I get to crash the party and join the sleepover. I've never had to, the threat of a parental invasion has always been enough!

Original poster

charley30 · 19/04/2017 19:00

Some great advice . If it happens 😊

OP posts:

BackforGood · 19/04/2017 19:00

At 11, you don't have to keep them entertained, They do that themselves.
You don't have to provide bedding either - ask them to bring their own pillows and sleeping bags.
Make it clear to your dd they have to start calming down at 10.30, and lights out by 11 {or whatever suits} but they'll most likel watch a couple of films and just be chatting anyway.

Original poster

charley30 · 19/04/2017 19:01

Yes I don't really fancy them sitting up really late X

OP posts:

Blueskyrain · 19/04/2017 19:15

From when I had sleepovers at that age, just get them to being their own sleeping bags, order pizza, get them some dvds if they want, and just be on hand in the house just in case. They'll stay up chatting till stupid o clock, but as long as they're not loud about it, they can take the next day to recover. You don't have to be watching them all the time, or entertaining, just be there in case there are arguments, someone gets ill, or you hear screaming.

TenFeetTall · 19/04/2017 19:15

I'm sticking my head up here to say I've never done it. I cannot cope with other peoples kids in my house. I barely tolerate people I know well in my house if I'm honest. My kids have all survived. We just say "sorry it's not something we feel able to do right now"

Papergirl1968 · 19/04/2017 19:15

Just say no, another time. You're not well.
My dds have never been to or had a sleepover. Mainly as they are adopted and have various issues. But I genuinely don't think they're a great idea. From what I hear they lead to unbearably crabby kids and someone always gets left out.

IndiaGrace · 19/04/2017 19:24

Are you supposed to take phones/tablets off them? What's the consensus on that?

Happyhippy45 · 19/04/2017 19:26

If you already don't feel well then prob best leave it until you are feeling a bit better.
I found sleepovers to be a bit draining. Not because I was running about after them it was just the intrusion and having extra people in my house that I was responsible for.

We didn't do too many....usually just for birthdays and to reciprocate dds invites to other houses.

Get them to bring sleeping bags. Get or make pizza. Get them to choose a film(Netflix/iTunes?)

I used to tell the group that they could stay up as late as they wanted but DON'T keep me awake! It was nice listening to them all chatter and giggle and have fun.......but not at 3 in the morning. (Only happened once.)

I'd load them up with pancakes, fruit etc in the late morning and pack them off to have meltdowns with their own families due to lack of sleep.

EineKleine · 19/04/2017 19:29

Just say no, you're not up to it. Maybe promise it for half term if you are confident you'll be better.

If you do it, don't stress over details. Ask girls to bring sleeping bags and pillows, maybe an airbed if they've got one, and otherwise they can sort themselves out with DD's mattress and sofa cushions or any spare blankets/duvets/sleeping bags underneath them. Pizza, popcorn, ice cream.

I LOVE the threat of parental invasion!!

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