Exh and this evenings drop off

[nigelforgotthepassword]

Long, sorry.Exh had our two girls today as they don't go back to school until tomorrow and I was at work.
Dd1 (11)has had a lot of homework to do over Easter as she is about to do her SATS. She had done all but three bits and the plan was that she would do the remainder today. He tends to do the maths with her as I am rubbish at Maths, and me the other stuff as Im better at helping with that if she needs it.She had Maths left to do.
I got home at 6pm and exh arrived shortly afterwards with the girls.
Dd1 announces she still has homework to do. Exh took her shopping this afternoon and so she hadn't done it.She gets it out and starts doing it.At this point exh realises he has forgotten some stuff for the girls and goes back home to get it, returning half an hour later. Dd1 is still doing her homework, at which point he sits down and starts helping her.I am trying to sort stuff for tomorrow and about to take the Dog for a walk. I don't really like having him in the house more than he needs to be and especially when I'm not there, but I go anyway as I've got loads of stuff to do later.
At this point dd2 (nearly 10) starts moaning that there is no fruit she likes for her snack, and demanding to go to asda to get some. I say no-she can do without the thing she wants which is also pretty expensive-she can live without it and eat what I do have-lots of other fruit that she likes.Dd2 has been quite grabby and demanding lately and I want to try and nip it in the bud.
I go to take the dog for a walk and say bye to exh, thinking he would've gone by the time I get back.
I get back, at about 7.20-he is still there.Dd1 has finished her homework.dd2 is still mithering for said fruit.
I again say no and send her up for a shower-she refuses initially and has a bit of paddy re fruit etc, and it emerges that's whilst I've been out, ex has said he will
Go and get her some fruit if she gets in the shower. I again say no and tell her to go and get in the shower. She eventually goes.
I quietly say to exh-that I don't feel it's the correct thing to get her what she wants every time she demands it, to bribe her into having a shower-she needs to do that anyway when asked, and to undermine me when I've said no.
Honestly by this time I'm getting fed up-it's 7.40 and he has been 'dropping them off' for over an hour and a half.
He then says he is going to Asda for the fruit.I say please don't. He leaves and I go up and chivvy dd2 into the shower.
He returns 10 minutes later with the bloody fruit.
I say to him, now quite exasperated that I don't want it-she is now in the shower and I've said no, and I'm sticking to it.
He replies, very arsey-that I can give it her tomorrow then, he's 'only trying to save me a problem with her'. I say 'but it's causing a problem the next time this happens-its ridiculous to pander to her when she is being spoiled and making demands like that'.He tuts and stalks out.
Aibu to a) be slightly cross that he has managed to spend an over an hour and a half in my house, uninvited,and b) that he has ignored everything I've said re dd2 and the bloody fruit.
I just wanted a nice evening with the girls after what has been a long day at work.Its not 8.30 and dd2 is still low level stroppy re the fruit and has managed to use all the hot water so dd1 can't have a shower...sigh.

The situation with the homework was that she had 14 pieces of work to do over the two weeks.She was away with him the first week and did 3, she was away with me the second week and did 8. We all agreed that she would do the remaining bits yesterday whilst dd2 was at her friends for a play date in the morning.
It wouldn't have been last minute if that had actually happened-but the fact that it had been left til the evening did make it that way-and that was part of the reason I was annoyed.
(And yes an absurd amount of homework).
Crow-some of his text last night was along the lines of 'I only did it as I thought you looked like you didn't need an argument with her last night' at which I was a bit . I was fine, I don't look unwell, I wasn't particularly stressed until dd2 started being a pain and even then not that much, I simply said no going to asda every time she asked and chivvied her to get in to the shower.So your post might be pretty accurate. And yes I did go to bed questioning my judgement! And was all evening,hence my initial post.

Additionally to him going against what I had said, my own parents where pretty strict re things like this-or my mum was anyways -and sometimes I can't tell if I'm too draconian due to that. She says I am far too lax but then she isn't the best yardstick-but conversely I worry I sometimes go too much the other way-too easy-to distance myself from that.Throw a break up into the mix and I find it hard to trust that I'm getting it right.

I replied to him that if I was saying no to something and dd then argues, then it's for me to deal with the ramifications of that.
Likewise if they are arguing with him in his time, I don't step in, unless he specifically asks me to.(one night dd1 totally lost it about something, he couldn't reason with her and he asked me to come round and see her, which I did, but reinforced what he was saying and left her there, even though she wanted to me bring her back to my house, because I didn't feel it would send the correct message.I hated leaving her so upset but I did it anyway as again I didn't want to undermine him or give either of the girls the impression they can play us off against one another.I guess I slightly feel that exh isn't as on board with that-and last nights situation seemed to illustrate that a bit, probably why it touched a nerve).