Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pissed off at my husbands attitide towards our home?!

120 replies

Dumbo412 · 18/04/2017 20:11

Today was the final straw, he took his car to get scrapped, walked home and trod oil onto the hallway carpet. It's so far been me and only me who has tried to get it out and I'm quietly fuming about it. I have anxiety about dirty carpets. No idea why but I do.

This all rests on other things.

The house hasn't been standing very long, in fact I've lived here for less than five months.

But still, in this time the kitchen cupboard has come off in my hand, he refuses to fix it.

The hallway is all dinged from when he tried to move the sofa through the hall and up the stairs.

Every bloody toilet seat in the house is broken.

The radiator in the hall was also knocked off the wall in the process of moving the sofa.

I also have only two sets of curtains up in the house (8 more sets to go) and not one solitary light shade.

Stuff that needed to go in the loft when we moved in was never moved up so the spare room that I intended on having as a dressing room is a junk room, and I have toolboxes is both the office and my bedroom.

Oh and I also have no mirrors up in the house either.

It doesn't feel homely and I'm pissed off with feeling like we've still just moved in.

Fwiw and so I don't drip feed, every issue he could sort. He's a builder and actually oversaw the build of the house we live in so it's not like he doesn't have the ability to do these things, and in fact would lose his shit if I saw it as something I wanted to do.

Maybe I'm being a cow, but I want a house to look nice and feel like home, but it doesn't. I fucking hate this house. I hate it.

OP posts:
brassbrass · 18/04/2017 20:29

it's common knowledge that if you're a trade widow then your own house will be as OP and stillstayingclassy described.

And it is SO annoying!

ExplodedCloud · 18/04/2017 20:30

Isn't it always the way that builders always have houses that need loads doing?
Start doing some of the easier stuff yourself which may spur him into action as well as teaching you new skills. Or get someone in.

Original poster
Dumbo412 · 18/04/2017 20:30

I like the idea of getting a handy person to do it. It would be bloody handy. Have said similar before. He wasn't a fan, but I may just bite the bullet and get some help with the bits that I can't do.

OP posts:
SloanePeterson · 18/04/2017 20:30

Yes the oil would piss me off. Hugely. But the rest? Do it yourself for goodness sake. Curtains are not difficult to hang. Toilet seats are easily replaced or fixed (seriously, I was replacing a toilet seat while having a huge, ultimately life threatening haemorrhage due to miscarriage. I still managed to finish the job before calling for help. It doesn't sound like he's at all house proud, whereas you are. Hang the mirrors yourself. It's really not hard stuff, it could all be done in an afternoon. All the power tools in this house are mine and I love an opportunity to get them out 💪🏻

GladysKnight · 18/04/2017 20:31

I find starting a job DH hasn't got round to usually prompts him to take over and finish it . Its mainly because he's fussier than me though, but worth a try?

ScarlettFreestone · 18/04/2017 20:32

I can understand why you are annoyed, I would be too.

I don't understand why you haven't done something about it.

Either do it yourself or pay someone else to.

He's a builder - I bet one of his mates would do it for you if you asked.

Curtains clearly aren't important to him, that's fine, then he has to put up with everything done your way.

Don't whine. Take action!

brassbrass · 18/04/2017 20:33

I think the point is he would never leave an oily stain on a client's carpet. He'd be taking care not to damage it in the first place. So OP is right to feel pissed off as he clearly doesn't treat his own home the way he treats clients homes.

And YES YES to doing it yourself only to be critiqued on how you've done it wrong.

Softkitty2 · 18/04/2017 20:34

Our current house we bought from a builder who worked for one the big construction firms in our area.

We have had to right so many jobs this previous owner did. No integrity in his work. Absolutely shocking, you would think as a builder your house would be done to the highest standard.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/04/2017 20:34

You should definitely get someone in as clearly it's really pissing you off that he doesn't seem as bothered about the finishing touches.

Sounds like the pair of you have a touch like a wounded elephant or the workmanship is bloody shoddy.

user1492528619 · 18/04/2017 20:34

His lack of care about our home would really get to me. Not only would I be furious, I would also find it very hurtful.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 18/04/2017 20:35

Going to buck the trend here a little. Yes you should be able to fix them or find someone who can BUT this is a new house, under guarantee, things should work and last long enough. That is why you pay a premium. Either the developers are buying poor materials (in which case complain yourself) or your dh hasn't done his job properly in checking it and he should fix it as I imagine the company wouldn't be happy that he cut corners.

2014newme · 18/04/2017 20:37

Get someone round for a day fixing all the bits and bobs. Money well spent

Original poster
Dumbo412 · 18/04/2017 20:38

Maybe it is U of me to expect a man to do all the DIY when he has the skill set to do it all, when I haven't got the foggiest!

However, any skill that I have that he may require, or our family requires is used whenever the need arise. It's not like I don't work, then do house chores. Any house work that needs doing is my job,ditto childcare and cooking.
I do my part and I feel like actually the DIY is his job. He doesn't have to lift a finger in the house really.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/04/2017 20:38

In all honesty shouldn't you still have some guarantee, like a snagging list to state that the fixtures and fittings aren't , well, fitted? If your rad came off that easily and cupboard doors are falling off I'd be back onto the actual builders themselves.

LunaMay · 18/04/2017 20:39

I would give him a deadline. He shouldn't be able to leave this stuff and then complain that he doesn't want others to do it. Get on fbook ours have lots of maintenance/handyman pages (non dodgy ones obviously) ask them for a rough quote on what u want done and then tell dh if he doesn't pull his finger out you'll be hiring someone.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 18/04/2017 20:41

I bet he'd jump to it quick enough if you said you were hiring a handyman!

It's a case of the cobbler's kids' shoes, isn't it? (Full of holes.)

user1492530286 · 18/04/2017 20:42

HIRE SOMEONE to get it done if you can't or unwilling. WOW, I wish I had your problems!

lizzieoak · 18/04/2017 20:42

Omg - he's a builder?!! He is BVU.

My brother is in trades and you try to stop him doing constant fix-it jobs around the house! So I don't think it would be viewed by all tradespeople as a busman's holiday - + it's his house too!

Sounds like the build was a tad shoddy? I wonder if he's embarrassed by that. Some people get really shirty & unreasonable when embarrassed.

Original poster
Dumbo412 · 18/04/2017 20:44

Shouldwe- the developers are wonderful costcutters, and no he didn't do his job properly, I think that may be part of what I find so galling. I don't understand why we now live here when he must have known this kind of thing would happen with the kitchen cupboard I mean. It was the 4th/5th time I opened it, the chipboard just crumbled around the screws. I could have fixed that and was happy to, he said oh I'll complain.
Complaint still not made though! And because he worked for them, I'm sure he would know the complaints procedure better than I would, which is why I didn't do it.

OP posts:
SuperBeagle · 18/04/2017 20:46

In my experience, tradespeople are often the least likely to do that sort of work around their home.

It's a bit like being a lawyer and not wanting to give every Tom, Dick and Harry legal advice for free out of hours.

EweAreHere · 18/04/2017 20:46

Hire someone to do some of the necessary jobs.

He'll be in no position to complain about it ... and if he does, tell him he helps gets the jobs done in a timely manner, or the family pays out for the jobs to be done.

barefoofdoctor · 18/04/2017 20:46

Get a man in. Or threaten to. Worked like a dream with my husband (until I got rid of him).

Original poster
Dumbo412 · 18/04/2017 20:48

Still staying classy- yes build quality was not great. I now understand why the houses on this estate were cheaper than other developments.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 20:50

Yeah treading oil into the carpet is annoying, especially as he didn't clean it up.
Hanging curtains and putting up lampshades are not 'DIY'. They're just household jobs. They certainly don't need a builder. We're moving in a couple of weeks and I've spent this evening in the new house painting, hanging curtains and putting lampshades and pictures up while DH was at home with the DC.

Panga63 · 18/04/2017 20:54

You don't need a penis to use power tools. DIY Grin