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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hacked off that DH...

34 replies

bakedpotato · 10/03/2007 19:48

is off to 'the rugby' tomorrow -- so will be out of the picture from about 11am till 6.30?
a/ he only informed me about this on Fri night ie, too late for me to make plans to see anyone else
b/ he says he emailed me instructions to put this in the kitchen diary (as if it's my job to be his social secretary)
c/ he did email me about 3 days ago but in the context of 'outside chance I'll be going to the rugby'
d/ he has absolutely no interest in rugby

OP posts:
IntergalacticWalrus · 10/03/2007 19:52

Oh, yes

I know this one.

But with DP it's "Just popping to the shop for the papers/milk"

He comes back 3 hours later smelling of lager and fags

He doersn't do it v often, but it pisses me off all the same

IntergalacticWalrus · 10/03/2007 19:52

Just make sure you go out next weekend!

Saturn74 · 10/03/2007 19:53

So you get to go out for the day next Sunday.
Plan something lovely with your friends, and email him with a request that he put it in the diary.

harpsichordcarrier · 10/03/2007 19:55

argh. yes I would plan a full day out next weekend and ask him to put in on the diary

Original poster
bakedpotato · 10/03/2007 19:57

I feel strange on the rare occasions when I duck out, though. I want us to spend the weekends together with the dcs.

I don't understand how he finds it so easy to go off and do something without them at weekends, when he sees so little of them in the week.

It's like he feels no guilt!

That makes me . And a bit

OP posts:
ohsmellyjelly · 10/03/2007 20:03

Message withdrawn

shouldbedoingsomethingelse · 10/03/2007 20:19

whenever my DH does anything like that I make sure we have a jolly good time whilst he is gone and make sure we are all having a super duper time when he strolls back in

MadameSleepsLessAndLess · 10/03/2007 20:27

my dh went out to lunch yesterday afternoon with 'clients' Spoke to him at 430ish & he was pissed. does piss me off when he does this

MadameSleepsLessAndLess · 10/03/2007 20:28

they feel no guilt, shame

Spidermama · 10/03/2007 20:31

Sport pisses me off. It can be really bad for family life. There's always something which is 'Oh but you don't understand. It's the-champions-UEFA-league-play-off-semi-final-third-leg-of-the-FA-cup-trophy blah blah blan'.

PMSL at you and your dh communicating by email.

Original poster
bakedpotato · 10/03/2007 20:50

I can see that, spidermama, but in a way this is worse because it's not even a proper passion

It's just a chance to skive off for the day, innit?

I basically run on guilt. I'd love him to feel it, just now and again.

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 10/03/2007 20:50

I don't feel guilt either. He and I are lucky. Try to adopt that lack of guilt and next Sunday it's your turn - have a whole day without him or the children.

foxinsocks · 10/03/2007 20:51

how old are your kids?

Dh now takes ds along to the football. You need to nudge him to take the kids along.

themoon66 · 10/03/2007 20:53

Nah... guilt is for the guilty. We both bugger off and do our own things. Rugby is social thing. DH was there about 2 weeks ago and had a lovely time. I'm off on a spa weekend with my mates soon.

foxybrown · 10/03/2007 20:55

You know he'll probably be pissed when he comes in so you'll be in charge of tea, bath, bed, homework, anything else which happens in your house on a sunday night?
Smile, wish him a nice time, and bank it as a HUGE credit in your favour! Just don't forget to pull it out of the bag when appropriate!
Ahh, maternal guilt. There's nothing like it!!

Original poster
bakedpotato · 10/03/2007 20:55

5 and 2, FIS, but he's going with some work contacts ffs. He doesn't know them well (if he did, maybe it would make more sense)
the emailing thing is ridiculous, but he forgets everything diary related when he gets in
... and naturally feels no especial guilt about this

OP posts:
foxybrown · 10/03/2007 21:00

You've just reminded me that my DP is making special arrangements to come home early from working away next weekend so he can go to a rugby match on sunday, taking the two oldest ("if you like") and leaving me with the toddler. Like any other day.
DOES HE KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS NEXT SUNDAY????

Don't listen to my advice in previous post. Kick up a stink and tell him he's unreasonable!

foxinsocks · 10/03/2007 21:00

dh and I communicate by email - I thought it was normal!

I can see why it pisses you off - it's the 'oh I'll just go off and do my thing on the assumption that I know you'll be sat at home'

The rugby only kicks off at 3pm...why is he going at 11am? It is a big game though .

Original poster
bakedpotato · 10/03/2007 22:14

oh beer and pies beforehand, probably

ARSE!

Sorry, that just burst out of me.

OP posts:
charlottegeorgiaolivermums · 10/03/2007 22:26

our you his wife or his employee? emailed you - instructed you to put it in your diary.
My dh would be sitting on the sofa which a black eye if he did this to me. Oh don't just go out next Sunday - go away for the whole bloody weekend with friends - he'll think before doing something like this again!!!!!

BirdyArms · 10/03/2007 22:59

Bakedpotato - I think that you are me! My dh is exactly the same - emails me with things that I am supposed to put in the diary, sporting events and in his case lots of concerts. If I object at all he says that I can go out any time, but

a) like you I feel guilt
b) most of my girlfriends would rather do things as a couple/ family
c) have now got 2 wk old ds2 so really can't go out for more than an hour!

Also when I did try go on a weekly course earlier this year he was either late home from work or completely forgot that he had to be home so that in the end I so embarrassed about being late I gave it up. Drives me mad that he automatically assumes that I will look after the children if he is doing anything but if I do arrange to do anything I have to check and double check that he is going to be around.

Never thought I would be the sort of person who didn't want their dh to do things without them but rather pathetically this seems to be me. Don't have any solutions - guess we just need to toughen up and try to lose the guilt!

gemmiegoatlegs · 10/03/2007 23:06

i totally agree with everyone who says trade yourself some time off....i know it takes practice, to not feel guilty, worried, harrassed even whikst having time off but you are both entitled to some time off. Obv our dhs are all quite happy to take theirs (my dh is a6t the pub right now and will prob roll in with a parmo and an unsteady gait within the next hour!)

decide on something you woyld really like to do on your own/with afriend and tell your DP "I know you won't mind looking after the kids whilst i do X since I was so gracious when u wanted to go to the rugby last week"

And when you do get out , turn off your phone, forget about home and ENJOY yourself. And that's an order!

Original poster
bakedpotato · 11/03/2007 22:09

OK, you've inspired me to plot a day of non-stop treats with similarly putupon friends. Will strive to skip the guilt.
(DH just came in and put on a silly voice, the voice he always adopts when I'm MNing, and said, 'DH has gone to the rugby, am I right to be cross' so I think he may have been snooping, or maybe his conscience has been pricking him )

OP posts:
Original poster
bakedpotato · 11/03/2007 22:10

Oh, and we had a lovely day without him

OP posts:
EliSpence · 11/03/2007 22:14

Men are all the same. They think we are their mother's most of the time. I'm an XBOX widow.

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