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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to tell this woman off?

72 replies

knickerdrawerofdoom · 17/04/2017 19:37

This is really bothering me for some reason- wondering if I overreacted but think not... what do you lot think?

Last night on the tube, about 6pm, got on with DS in the baby carrier on my front. Was super crowded so stood in the big space by the doors.

Three pretty drunk women were leaning against the door, and a bit all over the place. There was nowhere else to go, and DS was a bit fractious so I just cuddled him up with my free arm. DS was looking around and kept staring at the drunkest of the three women (he's 7mo), and the drunk woman said something to her friends, then gestured at me and DS.

Then DS jumped out of his skin, and I heard the one of the women say "don't do that to the baby" to the drunkest woman. I look down and she has hold of DS FOOT! And it in a cute way. It was very odd- obviously her friend though so too.

DS was clearly not happy, so I looked her in the eyes and said firmly "no. Really DONT do that to my baby". She then proceeded to "stare me out". I refused to look away, and a man behind me who had seen this happen, asked another passenger to stand for me.

This woman carried on staring across the carriage, then lowered her sunglasses when I refused to look away (still had her face turned in my direction).

I'm not really that ashamed to say, my old northern lairy ways came to the fore, and I did loudly say to my DP (who hadn't seen any of this as he was stood quite far away until we moved), that if she didn't desist, I'd be forced to give her a slap.

I'm really NOT that sort of person... but my blood was boiling... and I was really quite worried she was going to come over and do something else.

She got off at the next stop- because of me or not, I'm not sure... but today I'm wondering if I'm becoming a bit of an overprotective PFB nutter- or was I right to be so cross with this woman?

Prepared to be told to chill!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

knickerdrawerofdoom · 17/04/2017 19:55

To everyone annoyed about the northern thing- i don't at all mean that I was "being northern"- I meant my accent.

My northern accent isn't really in evidence any more- only when I'm stressed, upset ... or with my mum.

OP posts:

quietcountrylanes · 17/04/2017 19:56

BillSykesDog · 17/04/2017 19:56

why not just move away or ask her not to touch your baby?

She did both and that didn't stop her.

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2017 19:56

But actually think she might have got off at the next stop because of you?

Why?

That makes it sound as though you'd quite like the idea that she thought you were 'well 'ard'.

In reality, she was a pissed woman with 2 mates for back-up and you were a woman carrying a vulnerable young baby.

I hardly think she ran for her life and took a different train to continue her journey.

HorridHenryrule · 17/04/2017 19:58

Well done op she picked on you because she thought you was vulnerable. If you didn't have the baby it probably would have kicked off. Some women out there fight like men you have to show a lion attitude so they don't fuck with you.

longlostpal · 17/04/2017 19:59

I'm afraid I think it's bit thick to start a fight with a pissed person when you have a tiny baby with you. That's not lioness instincts, its whatever the opposite of that is.

Original poster

knickerdrawerofdoom · 17/04/2017 20:00

worra - no that's not how I meant it.

I just meant I don't know if she got off because of our silly moment, if she herself realised it was getting out of hand and was doing the right thing to calm the situation down, or because she was getting off anyway.

I really not here to humblebrag about my non-existent intimidatory character- I'm genuinely conflicted and wondered what other mums thought.

I see what you think- thank you for your honesty.

OP posts:

longlostpal · 17/04/2017 20:01

Also, this my old northern lairy ways came to the fore and I did loudly say to my DP ... that if she didn't desist, I'd be forced to give her a slap clearly doesn't mean this i don't at all mean that I was "being northern"- I meant my accent.

Beeziekn33ze · 17/04/2017 20:01

Nasty situation, your overreaction was understandable. You and your baby came out of it safely. You've now recognised that you overreacted. Move on, you've learnt from the experience. No need to stress about it any longer.
Let's hope the woman learnt too or at least that her friends did. I like the passenger who got someone to stand for you, and the one who stood.

Original poster

knickerdrawerofdoom · 17/04/2017 20:04

Oh bugger - DS awake again.

Thanks for all your head-wobbling replies and honesty- on both sides.

I'll check back later- but in the meantime, points taken- will practice deep breathing and remind myself of all your very sensible responses should anything like that happen in future (though why it would is anyone's guess...)

OP posts:

Pettywoman · 17/04/2017 20:05

Not sure threatening to slap her was the best way to deescalate the situation but I understand where you're coming from . I'd have probably said something too.

I'm getting a bit gobby in my old age and had a go at a woman in Waitrose the other day for ramming her trolley into dh and not saying sorry. I told her she really should look where she's going. I find it hard to be meek and let things go these days but I'm not particularly proud of that fact.

HorridHenryrule · 17/04/2017 20:05

She would not have touched her she's a bully. If anyone touched my children pissed or not I would tell them to fuck off and if it continues call the police. No one has no right to touch your child she done the right thing.

ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday · 17/04/2017 20:07

You're massively back tracking on the lairy Nothern thing. Own it at least!

Another thing people perhaps haven't picked up on - you had your male DP with you. You said directly to him within her earshot that you would be "forced to give her a slap" which would sound to me that you were getting him involved, even egging him on to violence himself.

It's pretty shitty really.

WankingMonkey · 17/04/2017 20:14

It really ISNT on to say you'll slap someone - and it's really not my usual nature at all.

Depends on the reason why. if someone touched my baby (and hard enbough to give him a fright by the sounds of it) I would be having the same reaction as you. Cheeky cow to staere you down too after she was in the wrong.

I wouldn't actually do it unless she continued touching my child or something but I do think its a pretty natural reaction when its something to do with your child tbh. Despite what the 'violence is never acceptable' (I do agree in general, but sometimes violence is justified IMO) lot say

WankingMonkey · 17/04/2017 20:14

(Mind I am also Northern and was kind of brought up to believe that if someone hit me I must hit them harder, that kind of thing)

ArriettyClock1 · 17/04/2017 20:15

Totally stupid behaviour on your part.

You were carrying a small baby and behaved really aggressively towards a drunken stranger. Idiotic.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 17/04/2017 20:16

You were understandably upset so firmly telling her not to tofu your baby was the right thing to do but after that it's got to be about defusing any potentially violent situation, especially when carrying a child. I think trying to stare her out was the issue, you should have just made sure she couldn't touch ds and then ignored her. It was obviously a fight or flight response to the situation, don't feel too bad op it's easy for us to say what you should have done but in those kind of situations it can all go out the window.

WankingMonkey · 17/04/2017 20:17

I'm northern and Iv never threatened to slap anyone - it's hardly the 'northern way'

I dun no, kind of depends where you are from. I am from Durham but mostly am in Newcastle and its definitely not uncommon to hear (and see) stuff like this.

On a normal night out there tends to be fighting and such. Me and DP go to the gay bars as there is less trouble but in the Quayside bars and such there is ALWAYS fighting and people starting with you.

So I kind of get the 'Northern' thing even though its obviously not true of EVERY Northerner.

Crunchymum · 17/04/2017 20:20

The Tube was super crowded at 6pm on Easter Sunday?

Really?

MorrisZapp · 17/04/2017 20:20

Did your DP think you were right to threaten her with slapping?

PunkrockerGirl · 17/04/2017 20:22

What's being northern got to do with anything ffs?
I hate it on here that only northerners have the balls to stand up for themselves

MadMags · 17/04/2017 20:26

Telling an unpredictable drunk not to touch your baby: fine.

Threatening to slap her when you're carrying your baby: not fine.

If I'd witnessed that, it would be you I was judging.

One thing I've always thought and lived by - never threaten what you're not willing to dish out.

What would you have done had she taken you up on your offer to slap her? Would dp have had to step in?

And you threatened all this on a packed tube? Really classy!

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2017 20:27

I dun no, kind of depends where you are from. I am from Durham but mostly am in Newcastle and its definitely not uncommon to hear (and see) stuff like this.

You can see and hear stuff like that anywhere in the world

Which is why people are saying it's not particularly anything to do with being Northern.

Emmageddon · 17/04/2017 20:27

When you were staring at her and she lowered her sunglasses, then surely that was enough? Also, she was probably, in a drunk and illogical way, trying to be friendly by holding your baby's foot.

BerylStreep · 17/04/2017 20:29

I don't understand why you needed to stare her out. You asked her to stop, then you moved to another area.

Staring her out prolonged the situation, and threatening to slap her makes you sound rough.

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