Victorian Mumsnet

[PlayOnWurtz]

Brought over from another thread...

AIBU to think I've left it too late by starting my ds in the mining profession at 5?

How old is too old to go up chimneys?

What size coal is right for my fire?

preemptive Porc Longue is a brilliant suggestion!

Considering setting up joint enterprise with pushy fellow-market stall holder, called Michael Marks. Just not sure it's going to take off but he keeps on and on about it. His English is shit and my wife thinks that he might just disappear off back to Belarus with any money we invest.

Thoughts?

T. Spencer

I was having a drink with my friend Nancy and she confided that her DP is quite aggressive (she presented with black eyes) but she feels she will stay with him as long as he needs her. I think it's a disgrace she's complaining and told her as much. She then said she wouldn't betray his trust - pathetic if you ask me - she already had. My advice was to put up and shut up. Have any other readers got some good lines I could give her?

Mark my words, Cauliflower, he'll be the death of her ...

A boy at the workhouse I oversee has just asked for more gruel. WIBU to thrash him?

Oh and tell your friend it's a fine, fine life. No need for any oom pa pah

As for market stall entrepeneurs, there's a chap called Jack Cohen who seems to be going places.

We have just moved to this lovely villa on Dartmoor. Our neighbour has this gigantic hound which he allows to run wild on the moor at night making awful being noises and keeping us awake. AIBU to make a complaint to his landlord Sir Charles Baskerville?

Any idea how I can blacken my teeth? I can only dream of being able to afford the sugar that will rot them naturally. But one must keep up appearances. Hate to think that people think we look poor because of our white teeth.

I'm considering purchasing a new reticule. I need one large enough for my calling cards, lace edged handkerchief, smelling salts and a couple of guineas. Any recommendations?

Felix Don't worry. I have it on good authority that it will either be shot soon, or die of phosphorous poisoning.

Thanks Asmoto. I'm off now to put a bet on Silver Blaze for the Wessex Cup. I'm told it can't lose.

Also dd sadly passed away yesterday. My fault. Mil said I had been punished for not wearing my corset indoors late in pregnancy. Wibu to tie her to a chair and plonk her in the middle of my other dcs for family pictures?

YABU. Your MIL should be able to sit in a chair without being tied down.

I mean the child. I think it will help my greif and will be a respectable sign of mourning. My dh is a highly respected man and as his family we have to seen in good form
Because photo taking is such a very long process I would have to tie her to a chair in order to stop her slumping over.
I'm just worried my other dcs will become upset. But it's absolutely a normal thing to do right?

AIBU to approach the neighbours re their horses encroaching on our area within the shared stables?

We are too poor to afford our own stable but too genteel to take the post chaise. Not only that but the neighbour horses have been getting into our hay. Stablemaster is a useless drunk.
DH says I would be most uncouth to approach next door's housekeeper myself and he goes to the club with the master so doesn't wish to cause trouble.

Wwyd?

Apologies for the poor quality diagram but my governess had a withered arm and never taught me to draw properly (another reason I ended up in a marriage where my home's stabling arrangements are so poor... hmph)

I was horrified recently to discover my housemaid has been engaging in unsupervised conversation with the milkman! I heard a rumour that she's even exposed her ankle to him!

I will, of course, be turning the slattern out of the house immediately, but AIBU to give her a week's wages and permitting her to pack her things before leaving? Should I just slam the door on her face?

caorich Arsenic is your friend here. Poison your husband, and seduce your neighbour in the guise of seeking consolation. He will be more than pleased to marry you and unite your two estates, giving you the run of all your stable space. If your neighbour is not 'to your taste' show him your horse-parking diagram as an excuse for hiring a sexy, smouldering drawing master to make good your governess's deficiences.

Might I recommend a marvellous book for any ladies struggling for room to accommodate yet more essential nick-nacks, aspidistras, rugs, frills and furbelows? It's called "Comment Farcir" it's written by some sort of foreigner I think, but she is a clever little monkey all the same.
You may think you couldn't possible find space for so much as a Penny Black, but following her step-by-step instructions for stacking and layering, you will astonish yourself and delight the gaze of your guests with a plethora of objets; animal, vegetable and mineral.
You need never to bid adieu to worn and tired "old friends' again. Comment Farcir will show you how to balance them precariously on existing heaps or stuff them into unrelated household items.

Asmoto you are ingenious! Could you recommend a discreet apothecary?

My dearest ladies,

Might I impose most desperately upon you for some help, good women? My cousin Sylvia and I have the most frightful problem. You see, it seems as if Mama and Papa may have - I can barely speak of it - may have perished at sea.

We are rather bereft, and although one might have expected their copious wealth and titles to have passed to me, their only daughter, instead this frightful woman has set up herself up in our house and is wearing Mama's gowns! We tried to ask the local doctor for help but he did not aid us (perhaps he required payment? If only there was some wonderful free service we could avail ourselves off, perhaps some sort of agency for protecting children?

Anyway, mesdames. Our question: should we, once we've escaped from this damnable home place we've found ourselves stuck in, take up with this homeless boy who goose-deals and travel to London with him? I feel certain that whilst Papa would be amused by our girlish japes, Mama would consider us, well. Tainted.

Advice, please?

I am your obedient servant,

Bonnie

IAmAmy I see what you did there!

Ladies,
my dearest brother has been offered a position in the colonies. My papa has suggested I follow him in order to become a respectable woman. What do you think, should I go and persue one of these dashing officials? I have heard they are awfully lonely out there.

Ylvamoon they are not lonely at all. I hear they all have the disease of Venus due to promiscuity with the natives. Id steer well clear. Persue a respectable gentleman of the law or someone with private income.

look at the sheer debauchery of the lives of gentlemen sequestered together out in the colonies!!

Batghee- thank you for the advice. I fear the options of ever finding a respectable gentlemen at home, have somewhat diminished since my dearest mama went away to a "sanatorium". (It was quite a scandal, and some say she bolted, which is most damaging to my reputation.)
My lady friends still whisper behind my back about it.
I so wish I could reinstate my families position by marrying well in the colonies.
I have herd that the weather is more pleasing and that I would be able to live in a palace. The queen herself would look most favourable upon any ladies being brave enough to follow our heroic men and turning them into respectable gentlemen.