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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think something should of been said?!

65 replies

user1470064958 · 15/04/2017 20:12

Visited some family with DD today, and I've come away really upset I'm not sure if I'm being oversensitive or overreacting.

A conversation took place and we looked at some old baby pics of their little ones, a comment was made by one of the kids how she was a fat baby in one of the pictures, she then said I was 'fat like you, you were really fat' to which I replied I wasn't a fat baby, she then replied 'no you used to be really fat!!! '

In context I was previously a size 12 (so never really fat , not fat at all!! ) I'm now a size 6 as I have severe IBS

What's upset me as mum and grandma were there and neither told her that was rude or not to say that, even after I repeated it to them in shock. Nothing was said at all apparently that was fine to say to me and not rude etc.

Also what concerns me is I think that must of been said about me by the adults as kids especially under 10s don't tend to remember how someone looked 4 years ago?!

I think if DD ever said that I'd be mortified , I can't believe it was ignored?!

OP posts:

reuset · 15/04/2017 21:40

That's not even a problem with grammar

What is it, then?

Coastalcommand · 15/04/2017 21:46

My post didn't go straight away as the signal is slow. I've not seen of and have confused before.

Original poster

user1470064958 · 15/04/2017 21:47

I dyslexic and in my case it affects my grammar, I hope that is enough explanation for the grammar police.

Ms grinch if you don't find the post worthy of your eyes don't read it.

OP posts:

ScarlettFreestone · 15/04/2017 21:54

You shouldn't have to correct or chastise a child when their parents are in the room but if the parents ignore or condone the behaviour then I think it's fair game.

"It's very rude to comment on another person's weight" would have done the trick.

I'm fed up of putting up with the results of other people's weak parenting so I'm now quite happy to correct or comment on poor behaviour where necessary.

None of the parents concerned have ever challenged me on it but I'd quite happily discuss it if they did.

QuintessentialShadow · 15/04/2017 21:55

"And thank you for the grammar lessons. "

And I will give you one more;

"To think something should of been said "

"Should of been" is a perfectly reasonable thing to say in some parts of the country. Many people forget that England is a country with many regions, and many regional vernaculars, each as beautiful as the next. Dont worry about aspirational people who want to show off how posh and middle class they are by pointing out that you dont write "Standard", but they do...

BitOutOfPractice · 15/04/2017 21:59

And thank you for the grammar lessons. That was the most important part of the thread and exactly what I wanted advice on.

OP that is quite simply the best reply ever to the rude idiots people who commented on your title. Genius!

YANBU. Did you actually say "I wasn't fat and even if I had been, that's a really rude thing to say"?

Try not to let it upset you. Let it go!

Crinkle77 · 15/04/2017 22:02

Maybe they didn't want to make an already awkward situation worse so just let it pass. perhaps they said something afterwards?

Coastalcommand · 15/04/2017 22:06

That's interesting Quintessential. Which parts of the country, out of interest? I've not heard it before.

Cherrysoup · 15/04/2017 22:19

I'm really surprised that the child's mum didn't correct her. I think the comment was very rude and you should have stood up for yourself, OP? I wouldn't have been able to ignore that or let it go by without a polite correction.

Quintessential: really? I don't think so. It's not correct anywhere in the country. S'not posh to use the correct version. Omg, should I have split that infinitive?!

thatdearoctopus · 15/04/2017 22:22

Sorry, Quint, but you're wrong. It is not an acceptable thing anywhere.
It might sound as though people are saying "should of," but that's because the abbreviation of 'have' sounds a little like it.
"Should have" is the correct term, and when written, it can be abbreviated to "should've," (which sounds like "should of" but isn't!)

Amockingjayhey · 15/04/2017 22:23

I knew before i opened this post someone would have immediately commented on the grammar. Poor OP! She asked a question not for an English lesson.

I'm sorry people have been picking on your words OP

I do think something should have been said. However i will admit if this was my kid who had said it i would have been in a bit of a dilemma at the time.

do i say something here and now and then draw attention to it and potentially make the person feel more awkward.
do i bring it up at home afterwards and so avoid making a big deal of it there and then BUT making the person think it's been ignored.

I might have settled for saying (firmly with a clearly displeased look)) withinthe person that the comment was directed at "we will talk about this later" ... And then move on to another subject?

I don't know. Is a tricky one to not make the comment worse at the time. But not seem to ignore it .

Could people have thought this ?

But i DOES need to be addressed somewhere !

Amockingjayhey · 15/04/2017 22:24

*within earshot of the person.

Sorry i am not well and tired and not making sense !

NabobsFromNobHill · 15/04/2017 22:34

Are you all missing the point that OP is pissed off that someone said she used to be fat, after OP had said that person used to be fat?
Just because other person is a child doesn't mean its not a ridiculous double standard.

Witchend · 15/04/2017 22:41

If you didn't say when someone said that she was a fat baby that "you shouldn't say someone was fat", then I don't really think you have a leg to stand on. She may well have been just as hurt as you-it's pretty much an identical situation, commenting that in the past you/she was fat. Children can be very upset when baby photos are commented on in that way.

I probably wouldn't have picked it up at the time because as others have said that can easily escalate it into "but she was fat, really fat" which is worse, or tears with "but they said I was fat".

Much better to chat on the way home quietly and say "look I know someone said you were fat as a baby, and they shouldn't have, but you then shouldn't have said X was fat" they then remember the lesson rather than feeling aggrieved that they were picked out in front of everyone.

SilverBirchWithout · 15/04/2017 22:49

I have no idea what this is really about.

It seems a strange thing to get upset about. A child who was upset themselves about being called fat in the past, makes a comment to deflect attention away you used to be fat, you weren't, just a bit bigger than you are now.

It really is not worth being upset about IMO. Or am I missing something?

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