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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want camouflage?

27 replies

TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 18:12

Hi everyone.

My problem: I've lost a lot of weight. Doesn't sound so bad, except that it's left me with a tremendously unappealing apron and breasts I could trip over. I'm exaggerating, but not by much. Very happy to be healthy now of course, but let's not beat about the bush: I look a right horrorshow naked. I'm not even going to talk about the cellulite.

I've been effectively single since my sociopathic ex did his best to ruin my mental health (five years of cheating and lying on a truly epic scale). But a few weeks ago I started dating a lovely man - he's sweet, kind, gentlemanly and intelligent. And I know it shouldn't matter how it looks when I get my clothes off, but I need to be realistic: it does, and I really like him.

So, if there are any women in the Sisterhood of Melted Wax, what do you wear when you're getting down to business? Is there anything which is going to make me look less melty (or hide the worst of it), short of a burqa?

Any suggestions would be vastly appreciated. Thank you!

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UppityHumpty · 15/04/2017 18:19

I have an apron too. When I first met dh I'd wear sexy lingerie & high waisted stockings (the kind with more coverage). He loved it.

Original poster
TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 18:32

Hi Uppity, thanks for replying. I'm just googling now to get some ideas. It's just such a rubbish problem. I lost all this weight and I actually look worse! I know I brought it on myself but sheesh, I think losing half my body weight should earn me a break. Confused

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John4703 · 15/04/2017 18:50

I fell for my wife on our first date, we talked for hours after a meal in an Indian restaurant. On the second date we went back to the same restaurant and then back to my flat. To be honest I could not have cared what she looked like, she was the one for me. We DtD and I discovered how good it was with the perfect partner.
13 years on she is still beautiful, she has one less breast then on our first dates (breast cancer can mean that) she has lost loads of weight recently and places sag that I never knew could sag but she is beautiful, sexy, wonderful.
Stop worrying about how you look TotalWhittle if you meet a decent guy he will love you for you not just for your body. Pert tits and a flat tummy might be sexy but a great personality and a caring nature count for lots more.
Stop worrying and look for a decent caring man who will fall for you not for just bits of you

vikthevegan · 15/04/2017 18:53

What a wonderful view John

Etymology23 · 15/04/2017 18:55

What about sexy high waisted knickers with a well fitted bra and hold ups? Or actual stockings so there's a belt to fiddle with?

Talith · 15/04/2017 19:02

High waisted knickers can be very sexy in a retro 50s way and I like them because I like being able to cover my tummy (not that you should feel you have to but I understand where you are coming from). Look for Pour Moi range on Amazon. They have some lovely satin retro undies and not too pricey.

Original poster
TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 19:07

That's a lovely post John, and I really hope (assuming things go well) he ends up loving me for who I am and not caring what I look like. But I'm worried we'll never get that far if my body scares him off. It's pretty hideous. I guess if you grow into your body alongside someone, that might be different as you're not struck by the horror all in one go. Sad I really appreciate the post and the positive viewpoint, thank you.

I'm conscious of how poorly I think of my appearance. My ex is influencing me; he told me I looked horrible and would look at me with this expression of total disgust. It makes me cringe when I think about making myself vulnerable like that again.

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Original poster
TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 19:09

Etymology, Talith - thank you. I'm looking up all the things people are suggesting (and mentally compromising about what I'm prepared to show off!).

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Original poster
TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 19:11

I can't decide if this is a good idea. Positive: would hide the worst of it. Negative: I probably couldn't extricate myself from it without a pair of secateurs.

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StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 15/04/2017 19:16

I am a big girl and I bought a couple of thigh length silky slips from primark that cover my worst bits and make me feel sexy, DH seems to find them an attraction too Blush
well done on the weight loss.

Talith · 15/04/2017 19:26

Grin The stuff I get is a little less 50 shades and a bit more like this:

Just big sexy knicks

MuncheysMummy · 15/04/2017 19:27

Go for that type of getup ^^ but crotchless then it can all stay on!
But my real advice is WAIT until your sure you are both falling in love then it won't be an issue.

Etymology23 · 15/04/2017 19:28

I'm a marks and Spencer's person all the way and they do have some pretty good stuff.

E.g.

www.marksandspencer.com/dentelle-lace-high-waisted-knickers/p/p22457606?image=SD_02_T81_6330W_Y4_X_EC_90&color=BLACKMIX&prevPage=plp

Or there are French knickers or a lace slip thing. They had a body that was quite nice looking but I think practically might create some challenges!!

Tanaqui · 15/04/2017 19:31

Lie on your back?!

But seriously, well done on the weight loss, and I am told the skin can continue to tighten up for a year or more after weight loss, so it may well improve.

Original poster
TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 19:32

Ooh those are nice Talith and Etymology!

StepAway, that's the sort of thing I was thinking of...I want pretty/sexy but adequate coverage. And yes crotchless sounds like a sensible plan Muncheys. Grin

I'm not in any rush to jump into bed; right now I'm just happy to be having butterflies again. But I'm planning ahead so I don't have to panic at short notice later. Wink

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Original poster
TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 19:35

Tanaqui, lying on my back won't do it. I lost a person's worth of weight so as you can imagine there's a lot of skin left over (shame I can't donate some for burns victims or something, then I could do some good with it). Unfortunately I shed the weight years ago so I think it's as good as it's going to get. It's all about the camouflage now, and/or finding someone who finds personality more sexy than appearance.

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QuestionableMouse · 15/04/2017 19:43

Ooh silk scarves. You can drape them to cover what you want and also play with them in a sexy way (trail them over his skin, loop it around him to pull him in. That sort of thing.)

fourteenlittleducks · 15/04/2017 19:49

Tight fitting stretchy fishnet bodysuit with arms and legs (crotchless if you don't want to take it off). Think I got mine from Ann Summers. Not only is it warm, it holds in and uplifts everything in all the right ways.

fourteenlittleducks · 15/04/2017 19:53

www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34920

Something like this! Best camouflage ever as you can keep it on for intercourse, then afterwards switch to comfortable PJs in the bathroom Wink

Original poster
TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 20:04

That's really pretty fourteen! I could make my peace with that. Have you worn one yourself? It doesn't look sturdy enough to hold everything in, but the reviews look really positive...

I'm struggling to picture how one actually wears scarves like that mouse! I like the idea but I'm not sure how get them on/keep them on, I can barely keep one scarf tidy Grin

Thank you all. I'm so excited about this chap Blush It's been years since I felt like this.

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Tanaqui · 15/04/2017 20:22

Aww, good luck! and hope you feel awesome in whatever you choose!

Original poster
TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 20:52

Thanks Tanaqui! Flowers

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UppityHumpty · 15/04/2017 21:09

Stockings HQ do those high waisted skirt garter belts - thats what I meant sorry. I wore them with really sexy stockings and a sexy bra.

Evelight · 15/04/2017 21:31

"It's pretty hideous...."

Dear, dear TotalWhittle, even with the most flattering, gorgeous lingerie in the world (and the suggestions are fab and am checking them out myself)- I have to say that to describe yourself and your body in this way simply isn't healthy - and doesn't bode well for your future relationships, either with this new guy,or, far more importantly, yourself.

Please stop describing yourself/your body as hideous. I fall into the same mindset, and it's pretty destructive. Just think how strong and useful and sturdy and resilient your body is, and what you would do without it. :)

It's not easy since society has hammered unrealistic and stupid beauty standards in our brains since day 1, and its so easy to hate ourselves for not reaching them. I am sure this new guy has some physical flaws, right? and I bet he is not agonizing about them or considering buying sexy lingerie to "camouflage" them. Again, there is nothing wrong with buying sexy lingerie! Do it! But parallel, and as you are working on the "camouflage", try re-viewing your body in a more accepting, pleasant, positive light. This will work way better for your relationship than calling yourself "hideous"!

Original poster
TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 22:01

Evelight, you sound exactly as I would (and have) talking to friends with similar hangups. It's silly how hard it is to take your own advice! So thank you very much for your reply. I will try to take it on board.

I can't help but compare myself with how I was before my ex did a number on me. I had the same physical "flaws" but flung myself merrily into a new relationship without a care in the world; it just never occurred to me that physical imperfections would matter to him because his never mattered to me.

The word "hideous" comes from his perception, not mine, and I will do my best to be kinder to myself. Thank you Flowers

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