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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people can be thoughtless and rude

67 replies

Welshgirl2008 · 13/04/2017 18:46

So I went to a dinner party last night with 3 other couples do 8 people in total. DP and I rent but are priced out of housing market although we have saved and would love to buy.

The other 3 couples are all school parents and for the 3 hours we were there, all they talked about was how much their houses are worth, what renovations they are doing, decorating, the difficulties of choosing a new kitchen, how much their mortgage repayments are etc. Literally all night.

DP and I just sat there feeling inadequate and shit all night and couldn't contribute at all.

I don't begrudge anyone anything and I'm not ungracious or jealous or anything. It's just upset me.

And having thought about it more today, I now feel really pissed off. They know our situation so I feel like they could have tried to change the conversation so we could participate but it was 3 hours of houses.

Aibu to be pissed off? I feel like I don't want to socialise with them anymore.

OP posts:
itsmine · 13/04/2017 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 19:22

It's what people talk about when they don't know one another very well, and have no real intention of going behind the superficial.
It's the one thing most people have in common. That and the kids...

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 13/04/2017 19:32

It sounds like they are all a bit self absorbed. It's just good manners when there's a small group to show an interest in all the guests and find some common ground. It's not my idea of a party. Sad

frieda909 · 13/04/2017 19:35

They can't have talked about house prices all night, no one is that dull and self-absorbed.

Oh I can well believe it!

I'm renting too, and there is nothing more boring than listening to the ins and outs of someone else buying a house. I get that it's exciting for them, and I don't mind hearing an update, but there has to be a cut-off point.

I recently had a group of friends around for dinner to celebrate moving into my new (rented) place and one of them spent over an hour talking us through the details of literally every single room of the seven-bedroom house she was buying Sad

Batgirlspants · 13/04/2017 19:37

Fuck me op what a set of boring bastards.

Get more interesting mates! We are 50 and no way would we or our mates discuss such boring things.

Original poster
Welshgirl2008 · 13/04/2017 19:51

I think normally I would remove myself from situations like this one- as they often happen in school playground too- but last night we just felt trapped!

OP posts:
Grilledaubergines · 13/04/2017 19:55

loonieleftie its fine I thought hoped you were!

JustSpeakSense · 13/04/2017 19:56

YANBU

We find ourselves in a similar situation with a group of friends (3 other couples) they the DH's are high earners, the DW don't work. Conversations often centre around kids private schooling, various holidays and holiday homes, expensive hobbies, new cars, new bespoke kitchens etc.

We live a modest life, sometimes have a nice holiday but mostly camp locally, have a small home, we are happy.

I feel like conversation is very one sided and we mostly just listen and nod, I feel sad because I love them all dearly but I feel our friendships are dying a slow death due to lack of things in common Sad

frieda909 · 13/04/2017 20:00

I think this is exactly why I don't have 'dinner parties'. I'll have people round for dinner sometimes but it's always something casual - having everyone take turns to make pizzas while everyone else stands around drinking wine and chatting amongst themselves is a favourite of mine.

Nothing worse than being stuck listening to a conversation you can't escape from! I have a few friends who are doctors and they're the worst for this. I have the utmost respect for everything they do but some things I just do NOT need to hear about whilst tucking into a soufflé...

Ohyesiam · 13/04/2017 20:01

God they sound soooooooooo body dull. And insular and lacking nuance. Do you know anyone better to hang out with?

Marmalade85 · 13/04/2017 20:05

Smug marrieds. You need more interesting friends.

imjessie · 13/04/2017 20:05

Who talks about money and mortgage payments ?? How crass!!! That would drive me nuts .. I would never tell anyone how much we earn or how much our house costs etc!! Grim!!!

Original poster
Welshgirl2008 · 13/04/2017 20:09

I think there is a real culture of it here @imjessie- the town I live in in the SE has seen huge house price inflation so it's all people talk about as they are really pleased about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshgirl2008 · 13/04/2017 20:11

I've also had people say to me 'it must be really awful to be in your situation' (ie scummy renter) which makes me feel great Sad

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 13/04/2017 20:14

Are they normally quite nice and normal? Or do you think that last night was it? (I.e. All they can talk about?)

Original poster
Welshgirl2008 · 13/04/2017 20:16

I guess my relationship with them is about the kids normally as met them through school - it might be what they are like normally in social situations!

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 20:18

Do you seriously gave people sympathise with you because you rent your home? How do they even know?? Are you sure you're not guilty of a little over sharing yourself?

Notonthestairs · 13/04/2017 20:19

Ah, well unless you think they have hidden depths (and they might!) I'd give them a swerve in future.

Chloe84 · 13/04/2017 20:22

I hated people asking me how house buying was going. I was bored talking about it from the beginning. A mortgage feels like an albatross. It's just something you do if you can, nothing to brag about. Fair enough if you need genuine advice.

OP, could you move to a more affordable area to buy?

Fruitboxjury · 13/04/2017 20:24

I live in Surrey and the cliche is mostly true. People do spend too much time talking about house prices and renovations. But if you're living it then it's all consuming, as you're not I can see why you felt left out. Either way it's pretty low EI on the part of the group and it can't have been fun for them if they couldn't steer it away onto anything else at all either, YANBU.

Original poster
Welshgirl2008 · 13/04/2017 20:25

I'm starting to think it's living in the SE actually- house prices are ALL people talk about a lot of the time. As I am regularly told, I know people who have made 200k and more on their houses in recent years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshgirl2008 · 13/04/2017 20:27

We could buy if we lived elsewhere but our kids are currently settled in school and we have good jobs so it's a tricky one and makes me feel a bit trapped tbh

OP posts:
voddiekeepsmesane · 13/04/2017 20:30

Chillyegg

I think yabu........your projecting a tad

The first answer you got on this thread just goes to show that people really are so insular and have no empathy sometimes. If these people were actually friends of yours op then conversation would have steered around to be inclusive of you as well IMO.

Though having said that it is on you within a small dinner party setting to steer conversation too so maybe a little more effort on your part as well?

WallisFrizz · 13/04/2017 20:30

They obviously don't look down their noses at you because they invited you.

I suspect your own insecurities maybe at play here. They may be dull but the reason you feel bad is down to you not them.

Sallysadlyseescertainty · 13/04/2017 20:30

What dull and boring people. I find it insufferable having to be around these sorts of people. Not because I rent, but because they have a rather limited scope on life - they are emotionally stunted individuals.

You need to find more interesting and well informed grown ups to hang out with. Who the fuck actually cares how much your mortgage or car costs and what shade of farrow & ball you're decorating with? It's classless to drone on and on about such things. There's more to life then they material.

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