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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this really uncomfortable?

77 replies

lemonzest123 · 13/04/2017 12:44

I just heard a fascinating piece on the radio about people offering free rent accommodation in their homes in exchange for sex, especially in London.

I had a quick Google and there are tonnes of ads on Craigslist. I had no idea people did this!

One person was making the argument that it's a contract between consenting adults and therefore ok but I can't help but think how vulnerable you'd need to be to think it was a good idea. Sad Especially as all the ads seem to stipulate girls should be young. I attach my least fav!

I'm in the office on my own today and have no one to bounce thoughts off. What does MAN think?

To find this really uncomfortable?
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/04/2017 13:43

It's disgusting and it's been going on since long before the internet was popular.

Publications such as Exchange and Mart and another one I can't remember the name of, used to regularly carry these ads in their 'Personal' columns.

It's not just young women they advertise for either, teenage boys and young men seem like a popular choice too for some of the pervs.

CanadianJohn · 13/04/2017 13:52

This is not new. I recall, after the war (WWII), there was a desperate housing shortage in many big cities in Europe, and sex in exchange for a bed for the night was not uncommon.

Word of mouth only, of course; there was no Craigslist in those days.

TheChampagneGalop · 13/04/2017 14:03

The men who take advantage of a young woman's desperation to have a roof over her head are truly vile.

CantChoose · 13/04/2017 14:12

My friend was looking for a flat share last year and a similar thing was suggested to her. The guy said he wanted to be her slave, do al the chores, dry her hair and all sorts. Said several times it wasn't sexual though, of course we all believed that :/

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 13/04/2017 14:14

I don't think his ad made it clear enough that he's looking for an "open minded" female...

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 13/04/2017 14:16

Seriously, though, OP...YAdefinitelyNBU. Sounds very dubious indeed.

CaoNiMartacus · 13/04/2017 14:19

Vive le patriarchy, eh?

kathkim · 13/04/2017 14:31

I'm sure there are plenty young homeless men who could be taken advantage of in this way too.

www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/11787304/Homelessness-is-a-gendered-issue-and-it-mostly-impacts-men.html

This week, the charity Homeless Link published the results of a detailed audit on the health and wellbeing of homeless men and women in the UK. In total, 27 different local authorities carried out surveys involving 3,355 homeless people, 71 per cent of whom were men

Not surprisingly, the results revealed that the vast majority of homeless people experiencing health problems in the UK are male. So why did the charity responsible only choose to publicise the problems faced by homeless women?

DameDeDoubtance · 13/04/2017 15:24

I follow an ex homeless guy on twitter, he says that women are treated so much worse on the streets, they are abused in ways that men aren't, maybe that's why the charity chose to focus on them. Maybe email or tweet them and ask.

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 13/04/2017 16:35

wetcardboard that makes me shudder! He's sounds gross and so entitled

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 13/04/2017 18:15

This sort of thing could actually be a savour to some women. A way out from an even worse situation. Streets, prostitution, abuse, violence.

Funnyfarmer, you've got to be kidding. What makes this any different from prostitution, abuse, violence? Do you think a woman who was in this situation would be able to say "no" to her "landlord" at any point? It took a long time for rape in marriage to be recognised as a crime, but I would bet anything you like that the kind of creeps entering to this kind of vile arrangement would think they were owed sex whenever they wanted, whatever the woman wanted.

Ifitquackslikeaduck · 13/04/2017 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

John4703 · 13/04/2017 19:54

I am on here and open about being a male. I am now going to do something I've never done in a post before, swear. It is fucking disgusting. I'm almost wanting to say I'd chop the guys balls off but that is too good for anyone who abuses someone else. I can see how some females (or males) might be so desperate for a place to live that they would let their body be used and abused. It is so wrong.
I have never been so angry at a post on Mumsnet. About 25 years ago I worked in a centre for homeless, or drug users, or prostitutes. Many people who came were two or three of those. Even a prostitute working on the streets had choice, no real choice, but she could take a night off. She could do a few blow jobs and go home with £50. Someone in one of these "shag me for a room in my house" situations would never be able to say no. No freedom, no choice.
Sorry to rant on but it is totally disgusting and I'm starting to hate people of my gender.

DameDeDoubtance · 13/04/2017 20:34

Property is so valuable that is has given these greasy fuckers power to exploit vulnerable people who just want a roof over their head.

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 13/04/2017 20:57

It might be a considered lifestyle choice for some, I guess..but Hobson's choice for the majority

Funnyfarmer · 13/04/2017 21:13

I'm sorry but fail to see why you think it's abuse? Surly if he wanted someone to abuse he could just adds on regular dating sites and find several vulnerable women or just advise for a regular house mate and abuse them. The thing is with abusers there rarely open and honest about there intentions which this guy clearly is. If it was just about sex he could just visit regular prostitute or if he wanted some kind of slave there's plenty of underground organizations where he could buy vunerable young girls or immigrants.
Rich business men do this kind of thing a lot they want a young beutiful women on there arm to look good and in return the girls get designer outfits, jewellery and taken to nice places. They both no the deal and exactly what there getting in for which is more than you can say about some relationships.
Just sounds to me like someone looking for a companion ( or a 50's house wife)
But doesn't want all the faff of dating

ArcheryAnnie · 13/04/2017 21:38

Funnyfarmer you think this guy was "open and honest"? It's clear this is a sex-for-rent situation but he doesn't say it upfront, does he?

Say some women takes him up on his offer, and moves in. Do you genuinely believe that if he asks for sex on any given night, and she says no, he'd take that no for an answer and leave her alone? Because if you do, I have a bridge to sell you...

Funnyfarmer · 13/04/2017 21:46

"It's clear this is a sex-for-rent situation"
Yes he's made it as clear as he can without being vulgar. Any women who takes him up on this offer will no exactly what is expected from her so why would she move in and refuse to have sex with him?
I'm sure they could make there own arrangements on how often, or how weird or kinky

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 13/04/2017 22:27

^^ Just to clarify, OP: my 1st comment at 14.14 referred (sarcastically!) to your sleazy craigslist ad poster, who kept banging on about "open minded females".

It x-posted with CantChoose and may read as a criticism that her poor friend wasn't being open-minded enough Shock
That's entirely opposite to my intention, so am v sorry if anyone misinterpreted.

IMO, anyone abusing their power in this ways is despicable Angry

As you were, folks...

DameDeDoubtance · 13/04/2017 22:52

But women are often placed in the position where they don't have basic items, like housing, and wealthy men are using their power to abuse women and other vulnerable people. If you can't see the problem, if you don't see that the imbalance needs to be balanced, then you are a misogynist. You are someone who feels it's okay to abuse people, maybe someone who is an abuser.

TitaniasCloset · 14/04/2017 03:21

Funny you are not living in the real world or you are a mysoginist yourself and lacking in empathy. I'm too tired to explain.

ArcheryAnnie · 14/04/2017 11:52

"It's clear this is a sex-for-rent situation"
Yes he's made it as clear as he can without being vulgar.

It's clear to me as I'm a suspicious bastard, but it may not be clear to everyone, particularly if English is not their first language, or if they have different cultural norms on directness in speech.

And "without being vulgar"? I think if you are begging for sex from someone who doesn't freely fancy you, but who needs a roof over their head, then vulgarity took up residence long ago.

Any women who takes him up on this offer will no exactly what is expected from her so why would she move in and refuse to have sex with him?

Because she doesn't want to? Because she's tired? Because she'd fed-up of being groped and penetrated by someone whose only attractive asset is their spare room? You make it sound like - and I think you are right - that anyone who took up this arrangement would be expected to be permanently sexually available, however tired or ill or repulsed they were on any given day.

I'm sure they could make there own arrangements on how often, or how weird or kinky

Except they aren't negotiating from a position of equality, are they? And do you really expect a man who does this to keep to the agreement?

Funnyfarmer either you are woefully innocent in how the world works and are not prepared to learn, or you think this kind of exploitation of women is normal and natural and to be expected. Either way, it's not a good look for you.

peaceout · 14/04/2017 11:56

uncomfortable?
What an understatement😲

peaceout · 14/04/2017 11:59

Funnyfarmer is Transparently disingenuous

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