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AIBU?

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Original poster

To use my son's savings to pay off debt?

140 replies

Bibs2014 · 12/04/2017 22:18

What would you do?

We are £17,000 in debt due to failed IVF Sad.

DS has £1200 in the bank (not including interest) as I started saving £100 a month for him last year in a high interest account that I couldn't touch for a year.

It's now matured. Should I take the money out and clear some of the debt? It's all on 0% credit card and is manageable (at the moment).

The reason I'm thinking we should is because we want to move house so it looks better to have less debt.

Reason against is that even though I could save the money up again in the future, you never really do, do you? I already started late as I wanted to start saving from his birth and didn't start till he was 16 months so I already 'owe' him £1600 😂

OP posts:
Thinkingblonde · 12/04/2017 23:38

If the debt is on a 0% credit card it makes financial sense to pay as much off the debt as you can before the 0% deal expires.
I'd use the cash already saved towards paying the debt off. Stop paying into the savings account and use the £100.00 monthly deposit off the debt too.

nickienackienoo · 12/04/2017 23:39

Pallisers Wed 12-Apr-17 23:24:30
It would be like giving someone a gift and taking it back

*Well if I gave my 1 year old a gift of a thousand pounds of my money and then I needed a thousand pounds so we could live a normal life, of course I'd take it back.

All this talk of raiding the piggy bank is ridiculous given the OP's situation - she is heavily in debt and yet is putting money she actually doesn't have aside for her infant child who really doesn't need it.*

Well I differ in my opinion Pallisers - if I 'needed' a thousand pound, how low to take it from a child's money box?? you'd really do that??? disgusts me - Its absolutely giving a gift then taking it back. The OP admittedly should stop funding the savings account and focus on the debt - but hell would freeze over if I took money from my child.

NormaSmuff · 12/04/2017 23:40

yes i would
and you dont have to start saving from him til he is older

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/04/2017 23:40

It depends.

Is it his money? Like money others have gifted him or money that you have gifted with the intention of it being his and for his future
OR
Is it money you have put aside with the intention of making sure you have it for things like future school trips uniforms treats or welfare.

I would use it if needed if the second but not the first.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 12/04/2017 23:41

Would you not be better amalgamating the debt into an offset mortgage and paying the lower mortgage % interest rate rather than the inevitably higher % interest on a loan?

EineKleine · 12/04/2017 23:42

Use it. It's completely different to money he's been given for birthdays etc.

Paying off your own debt will put you in a much better position to be able to help him out when he is older. (Same applies to securing a decent pension too IMO.)

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 23:42

Giving a child a decent home to live in... How would you have funded the new house if the IVF had worked, op? (I'm sorry it didn't)
There really isn't any connection between the debt you've incurred and what it was spent on. Unfortunately.

unlucky83 · 12/04/2017 23:43

I would stop saving for him just now but leave the money in the account earning interest. The £100 you currently save and any other money you can save I would be putting into an account earning interest as a credit card fund. Then when the 0% does end you have a lump sum to pay towards it which will have earned some interest - and if necessary then I would use your DCs money.
I would normally agree with paying off debt asap -but in this case with 0% interest on the debt I think you would be better doing it that way.
I would also forget about moving etc and concentrate on getting as much money together now - when you do have to start paying interest it is likely to be huge - you might be better trying to get a bank loan to pay it off.

Pallisers · 12/04/2017 23:45

Well I differ in my opinion Pallisers - if I 'needed' a thousand pound, how low to take it from a child's money box?? you'd really do that??? disgusts me - Its absolutely giving a gift then taking it back. The OP admittedly should stop funding the savings account and focus on the debt - but hell would freeze over if I took money from my child.

Or maybe hell wouldn't have to freeze over. Maybe the electricity could be cut off or you don't have enough to pay for your child's first shoes or you haven't eaten properly in a month. Seriously - hell would freeze over before you took back money you gave to a 1 year old whose only needs are a caregiver, food and warmth? Your priorities are seriously skewed.

By the way, if the OP had said "is it ok to take money I had saved for DC1 so I can do ivf" I bet you no one would be saying "hell would freeze over".

This is the parents' money - not the childs, no matter what the format in which they saved it or the intent they had when they saved it.

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 23:52

But she spent £17k on IVF... Confused

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/04/2017 23:59

Whats that got to do with anything flogging?

Presumably it was agreed that sacrifices would be made in order to have a second child, including not moving. But the second child hasnt happened so life has to go on, why shouldnt they move house?

Thinkingblonde · 13/04/2017 00:00

Some people on here have said keep the money as a 'Rainy day' fund....well op, the rainy day is here now.

PandaPop55 · 13/04/2017 00:02

Yes, use the money you had set aside for your child to pay off debt. It is lovely that you wanted to start saving for him but it is your money and you need it. I am currently saving up to pay back money I "borrowed" from my kids (given to them by others, not me). I had no hesitation in "stealing from their piggy banks" due to the circumstances our family was in. Sort the debt out first.

Also agree that you should look at your own rainy day savings and pension before saving money for your child.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 13/04/2017 00:06

i'm sorry your IVF hasn't worked.

However, i am Confused - why did you spend £17k knowing you didn't have the means to pay it off?
If the IVF had worked - where was the money going to come from to pay off the debt as well as the expense of another child?

To top it off you are accruing more costs by moving house.

I understand the desire for another child - but to take it to this extreme without having thought through the financial impact is worrying.

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 00:06

I'm not trying to kick the op when she's down, but the language is a bit emotive, isn't it? Why is it only now that op needs to "give her child a decent home" and can only do so by raiding his savings?
She hasn't indicated that the current house is sub standard, btw, just that she wants to move.

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 00:07

why shouldn't they move house? Because the "sacrifices" have left them unable to afford it?

SuiteHarmony · 13/04/2017 00:08

Some people on here have said keep the money as a 'Rainy day' fund....well op, the rainy day is here now.

^ this

I have savings in my children's names but it is to cover family costs when costs arise, not for them to have free rein over. I'm not going to use the money for going on a solo round the world holiday but for school trips or house repairs or dentistry or unforeseen car repairs if and when these are needed. That they are in the children's names (joint with my own) is just for organisational purposes at this time.

You have the ethos to save, so I'm sure you will do so again when finances permit. Bit now is the time to erode the debt so needs must.

Pallisers · 13/04/2017 00:08

I think Flogging was responding to my comment Pyong

To clarify Flogging, I think if someone came on here and said "I have 1500 saved for my DC1 who is a toddler. We have access to this money - which came out of our earnings. We desperately want another child. IVF could cost upward of 15k. Is it ok to take the money I set aside for my DC1 so I can possibly have another child?" the OP would be told "of course, it is a good thing, it is of benefit to your child" etc. Very few would say "no you can't rob your child's piggy bank to have another child and give him a sibling - immoral!"

Because the ivf failed and is in the past, people aren't looking at the whole picture of this family. They got into debt for a worthy cause - having a second child. It didn't work unfortunately. now they have to figure out how do they as a family manage their finances best. Ring-fencing 1600 of family (or rather mum and dad earned) money for a toddler's future when they have pressing immediate needs seems utterly irrational and pointless to me.

ilovesooty · 13/04/2017 00:09

Yes I'd also use it to pay off some of the debt then continue using the £100 a month to reduce it further.

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 00:13

Tbf, Pallisers, I personally would say, no, if you need to take £1.5k from your kid's savings you can't afford £15k. Seriously, if your credit isn't good for fifteen grand you really shouldn't be spending it.
But I do take your point.

FelixtheMouse · 13/04/2017 00:16

Use it. The family is in debt and he's part of the family. That was our argument when we used DC's savings to clear ours.

Pallisers · 13/04/2017 00:22

Flogging you are right. Maybe it wasn't the best financial decision - but it is one I can completely understand. It isn't like spending 15k you can't afford on a holiday or a wedding. We have friends who adopted 2 children from Columbia years ago. After the second adoption the wife said to me "we literally paid for this child on our credit card" I don't think they regret it for a minute (kids are adults now).

I have to say this thread reinforces my belief that you shouldn't save in your child's name or specifically for your child. You should save and retain the right to use those savings for the good of your family rather than saving an amount that an 18 year old may or may not use wisely.

Polisee · 13/04/2017 00:22

I don't think you should take it as it's his money but how about charging him board and lodgings Grin Wink

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 00:25

True...

Pallisers · 13/04/2017 00:26

I don't think you should take it as it's his money but how about charging him board and lodgings grin wink

Finally a lateral thinker on the thread :)

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