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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think post natal wards are absolute shit?

328 replies

SprogletsMum · 12/04/2017 17:43

I had ds2 this morning and have been put onto a full 4 bay ward.

2 of the 3 other women have been quiet most of the day but one keeps ringing people all day long. There has not been a single minute of quiet all day.
I've been awake since 1am and I'm shattered but she just won't shut up.
I'm going home to the other 3 dc for some peace and quiet as soon as ds2s 12 hours of obs are up.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/04/2017 20:52

(And thanks, liney.)

Avioleta · 13/04/2017 20:57

I remember reading one of these threads a while ago and a point that stayed with me was about nurses vs midwives. I can't remember exactly but I recall several posters making the point that midwives are trained primarily in caring for labouring women. Whereas nurses are trained in, well, nursing. I wonder if there is an argument for nurses to provide care to women on postnatal wards?

LineysRun · 13/04/2017 21:03

The night staff were frankly abusive

Yes, I found this, too. And that's not undrrstaffing - it's a permitted culture.

LRD you're welcome. You write so well, about an awful experience - it should be shared. readingmedievalbooks.wordpress.com/2017/03/30/my-daughters-birth/

This blog piece is quite long but worth reading. It focuses on a birth that happened just a few weeks ago in a major university town. It's shocking in its revelations of medical incompetence, and casual, unnecessary biases.

It's systemic.

Misspilly88 · 13/04/2017 21:10

Another yanbu. I spent the worst 5 days of my life in ours after the birth of my 1st. To say it was traumatic would be an understatement. It makes me so sad to see so many of us having had awful care, and nothing is done about it. I hope everyone gave feedback

HeyRoly · 13/04/2017 21:11

I also was treated badly by the night staff. It's been five and a half years and I haven't forgotten the exasperation and rudeness of one midwife, not to mention the casual indifference from the others. I remember wandering the corridors with my baby one night because I was feeling so scared and vulnerable. I was told to get back to my room. It would have been obvious that I was acting quite bizarrely and there must have been something wrong (yes, I was sleepless and half mad and my baby was starving but no one seemed to notice or care about my failure to breastfeed).

I agree the poor treatment is ingrained in the culture of wards. You're a mother now so get on with it. It doesn't matter whether a woman is physically or mentally traumatised from the birth; she has to suck it up and get on with it with minimal care and help.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 13/04/2017 21:14

I was lucky not to be in for long with dd and less than a day with dses, but all this is very familiar. I can't fault the midwives and healthcare assistants, but the noise day and night, the heat, the lack of appropriate food (I don't expect it to be nice, just nutritionally suitable), the lack of privacy to learn to breastfeed (other people's male partners and dads around), the blood covered toilets, the impossibility of sleeping - I remember being in tears at the lack of sleep, bearing in mind I had just missed two nights sleep due to being in labour. No wonder women who have to cope with it for more than a day or two so often end up damaged by it.

Blondebombsite83 · 13/04/2017 21:21

I must be an exception because I thought the post natal ward was really good at Derby. The food was good, lots of staff available day and night, comfortable bed, clean toilet and showers...really can't complain. I was in for 3 days and could have left at 2 but chose not to. The only thing that I didn't understand was that it was so bloody warm!!

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 13/04/2017 21:22

Yep, appalling. I thought it was bad enough with Dc1 but dc2 in December was dreadful. Was left screaming in agony because they missed a dose of meds (had a csection) I'd ring the bell and a Healthcare assistant would come, tell me they couldn't administer drugs, go off to find a midwife never to be seen again, then I'd have to ring the bell again and so on. God knows what would have happened with a genuine life threatening emergency given I couldn't move my legs. Really appalling. They also kept forgetting to fill my water up (again, I couldn't move). Turned what should have been one of the best times of my life into an endurance test.

Badders123 · 13/04/2017 21:39

Blonde...this was 2003
I'm assured it's better now... 🤔

shakeyospeare · 13/04/2017 21:52

I'm opting for a home birth this time 'round. Can't fault the labour ward but the postnatal ward was hell - too hot, too loud, not enough staff. I was bleeding really heavy and was left for nearly two hours. The sheets were filthy, the staff were amazing but clearly not enough of them.

I discharged myself in the end out of desperation for sleep and peace and a normal temperature and food that didn't involve walking to the other end of the building, when even standing up had me feeling faint.

I love the NHS but something needs to be done regarding postnatal care.

TresDesolee · 13/04/2017 22:03

LRD I read your post about your and your DW's experience via Twitter - didn't realise that was you. Fantastic writing but I'm so sorry the three of you had that experience. The bit about your partner's lack of consent to the procedure was horrifying and your accounts of trying to get stupid buggers to let you on to the ward made me so cross. Hope the three of you are doing well.

Vegansnake · 13/04/2017 22:09

I've had 4 kids ,by far the worst bit,every time was the postnatal ward...the constant stream of visitors,the people not shutting up.the lights on so you can't sleep..the blood all over the toilets left for hours..trying to breast feed with an audience of the visitors from the next bed catching my curtains and opening them every time they moved..the list goes on...it was no rest or nice break from the other kids..the food was shit as well

Mishmishmish · 13/04/2017 22:13

Why are they so bad? I agree with all the others, couldn't get out quickly enough. The noise was horrendous. I was unlucky to be right next to a)the nurse's station and b) the dispensary so there was a racket all night long with drawers and cupboards opened and SLAMMED shut. I couldn't understand why an effort wasn't made to be quieter. And the revolting showers and bathrooms. Why, why, why...

Mishmishmish · 13/04/2017 22:16

Oh and the sudden realisation that not one person gave a shit about the baby not feeding before we were discharged. Which was not what the NCT class leader had said! I asked over and over again to have some help with him latching him on, he was so sleepy. He was born 9am one morning and we left the following evening at 6pm without him having one feed.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/04/2017 22:21

Thanks tres. TBH I didn't think when I wrote it - a friend of mine who came into hospital told me to write it all down and I did, because it helped me figure out what had happened.

We got some good care too, but a lot of bad. We're still being checked up on as DD has been losing a lot of weight but, fingers crossed, we won't be going back into hospital and it's all getting much less fraught.

We keep finding out about more things they didn't do that they should have, though. Depressing.

LineysRun · 13/04/2017 22:26

I was written up for medications and tests by the consultant and the nurses / midwives simply didn't do them. I was invisible. But very unwell.

When I got home my GP visited and I'll always respect him for that.

zoemaguire · 13/04/2017 22:28

Another one witv a vile experience here. But I'm also depressed by the nasty sneering upthread about the 'snowflakes' (god i hate that word) who day they need their partners 24/7 on pn wards. Might it perhaps have crossed your minds that the kind of horrific experiences of lack of care are precisely why women need their partners there?!! Tbh i wasnt really fussed about who helped me pick up my baby or get food or go to the loo or even get me a paracetamol as my only painkiller after a c-section, but since it sure as hell wasn't the midwives, then yes it had to be my husband. As it was, the night that he wasn't permitted to stay after dc3 was born was one of the most traumatising of my entire life, and I've been through the mill in all sorts of ways. A bit more solidarity and empathy about why women are so vocal about the need for partners, rather than sneery unpleasantness wouldn't go amiss. When dc1 was born, i didn't need dp at night, because the ward support was great. Dc3, a whole other fucking story.

LineysRun · 13/04/2017 22:31

I agree, zoe.

Partners become necessary because there's no-one else doing the basics for women who are on drips, in pain, recovering from abdominal surgery, at risk of full-on eclampsia, bleeding heavily, and just bloody dehydrated and hungry.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/04/2017 22:31

That's shit, liney. Sad

zoe - yes, I thought that was really uncalled for too. Ignorant and lacking in imagination.

Partners shouldn't need to be there, but you don't leave a person who is bleeding, disoriented and unable to move on their own, to prove a moral point about what care they 'should' be getting.

Grimnews · 13/04/2017 22:41

Absolutely agree too Zoe.

I was in hospital for three days before I gave birth and it wasn't overly unpleasant to begin with aside from the dickhead partner of the woman next to me in the two person room. He literally opened a fucking bag of fucking Bombay mix at 1am and crunched away until my partner told him to stfu.

After birth the postnatal ward was hell on earth. I hated every single second. I was moved onto the ward at 6am, after popping just past 12 so my partner got to stay that night too as he hadn't really stayed the night before. By 9am I was sobbing and in utter distress having not slept for four days, and being woken up every two hours to feed my baby (not that I slept anyway and I was ff due to sheer exhaustion/no one really cared anyway), a baby across from me screaming all night, people coming in and out, lights on etc., and demanded to be discharged that day.

It makes me not want to have another baby because of the whole postnatal experience, and I had real problems bonding with my baby and resented him for being there at all. I fully recognise it wasn't his fault but it caused real issues.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 13/04/2017 22:43

I had to go on the ward at first with DS and it was horrendous. I have a chronic illness and cannot cope with noise etc at the best of times. It was so exhausting, I was sat up all night after going up there at 8pm after a very difficult birth and theatre repair job. The MWs were really good and took DS over night but by 6am i was buzzing for them to bring him back, I didn't get any rest there. The woman opposite seemed to just let her baby scream then she left the baby for a shower and it was screaming the whole time, she was gone for ages. In the end the MWs were coming in and asking where she was.

Eventually they told me I'd get a private room (that I'd already asked for) because I needed to rest. It was amazing, I had peace! But they had already told me I couldn't leave until I'd got BF and DS just wouldn't latch, 15 hours after birth and he had had nothing at all and his blood sugar was hovering around dangerous. When I thought I'd have to stay in for days until he got BF, I asked them to get me a bottle, being on that ward totally put me off. We also had to go to the dining room to eat and were not allowed to take our babies so had to leave them unattended by our beds. Our ward dining room was being renovated so we had to walk all the way to the other ward. I'd had a bad tear and was very sore, the MW marched off and I was trying to shuffle behind. I HATED leaving my newborn so ate as fast as I could, desperate to get back, then we couldn't go back until the MW got us.

The first time I had to get up after having my epidural, I still had the hospital gown on, was taken through to the shower with the MW carrying my bag of wee as I still had a catheter in and at 7am on a maternity ward, there were workmen walking around as they were having work done! I was not happy and felt very vulnerable walking along with an open gown (I think the MW was holding a blanket around me) and a bag of wee in front of workmen at that time of morning.

Second time I begged for a private room as I had a section and had to stay in, they said they couldn't as I needed to be monitored on the ward but I accidently got taken up too early and the only available space was the en suite private room. They told me I wouldn't be staying there but I explained that if I didn't get rest, and I couldn't on the ward, I'd be calling on them more for help. As soon as I said that she said I'd made my case and left me there. Was a lovely experience. So chilled, luckily DD latched well and was an easy baby. I buzzed a few times for pain meds (which took a while) and help latching the first night but that was it. Oh except when i had to get up for the first time, the bloody HCA barged in my room at 6am, waking me up, and asked if I wanted to get up and have a shower! I'd got to sleep at 5am ffs, I wasn't happy. What a stupid time to go and wake a new mother. She was in the wrong job tbh, I also had to ask for help latching the previous night and she marched in, stuck baby on roughly and walked back out, didn't say a word and had a right face on her. Acted like it was far too much trouble for her.

I think the issue is wards. Maternity should be private rooms only. It doesn't take much for MWs to go door to door rather than looking down a ward. Fathers could stay as well which would ease the pressure. Plus, yes staff are busy but they need to understand that they are there to help and they shouldn't act like something is too much trouble for them. To be fair, all the MWs were lovely. Thankfully it was just the HCA who I felt negative about.

Vegansnake · 13/04/2017 23:08

Well if we are naming names...ROSIE ,in Cambridge,a teaching hospital.stiched me up after an episiotomy with no pain relief..I screamed and screamed In stirrups at her to fucking stop..I was helpless and couldn't move,or get her off me...swore at my husband ,make her stop you bastard..he was useless just stood there,while she stiched me up .i felt every stab of the needle and every thread being pulled through..bitch...

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 13/04/2017 23:33

I wonder how much pnd could be avoided with better postnatal care? It seems lots of us have had fairly traumatic ecperiences - surely these are more likely to lead to pnd?

53rdAndBird · 13/04/2017 23:33

I can absolutely understand why people would want their partners there/would not want to leave their partners, in a situation where there is nobody else around to provide basic needed care. But I really don't like the way that partners staying 24/7 gets presented as an actual solution to the problem rather than a woefully inadequate patch.

Partners shouldn't be providing basic care, they shouldn't be crammed into wards that are already too noisy and too hot and not getting cleaned frequently enough, other patients shouldn't have to share a room with them at an exceptionally vulnerable time, and women who don't have partners around all the time to help them and advocate for them shouldn't be left to lose out and lump it. We need improved care for everyone.

53rdAndBird · 13/04/2017 23:34

bloody hell, Vegansnake Sad