AIBU to think that not all pregnancies (in the same woman) are the same? Or am I kidding myself?

[StrugglingFirstTimeMum]

We have one child, and after a difficult pregnancy, enough time has now passed that I'm starting to look back with rose-tinted spectacles, even though our little boy is still very young. This is also influenced by my DH who has made it clear that he wants another child, and that he doesn't want to wait too long as it was difficult for us to conceive our son.

Potential infertility aside, am I kidding myself that I could have a different pregnancy with a different child? It wasn't the worst that it could be (other women I know suffer more than I did), but it was a pretty miserable 9 months. I was exhausted, I was sick at least once a day until around 30 weeks (often in the middle of eating breakfast/dinner. Lovely), had hip pain, carpal tunnel syndrome and heartburn. And food aversions. And insomnia. The idea of doing all that again with a baby/toddler just fills me with dread. But I think I'm swaying towards wanting a second child in the future.

AIBU to think that a subsequent pregnancy might not be as bad as my first one? Or is that just wishful thinking?

I think if you are sick in one pregnancy you may be sick in another. I was never sick or felt sick in 4 pregnancies so bloody lucky. I had heartburn with my first but not with other 3. Was tired but that's pretty standard. but as for the other problems hopefully you be ok.

It's still worth it isn't it? Just?

Yanbu. My second pregnancy and birth in fact, were much easier the 2nd time round. I did lose 3 stone in weight in between , to be fair, but each pregnancy can be different.

No one can tell you definitively. It might be crap again, it might be a breeze. It's like people asking for birth stories. Some are relatively easy, some are touch and go. Sorry but there's nothing else to say!!

Pregnancies are different as are labours. My second labour was worse as it was all in my thighs this time but pregnancy was so easy that I didn't even know I was pregnant til nearly 30 weeks.

1st pregnancy I was about 20 weeks but I had small signs like cig smoke making me hip and lynx Africa making throw up everywhere.

But there is a chance it will be the same if not worse. It's just deciding if the risk is worth it I suppose

Interesting though op. has anyone on here been sick in one pregnancy but not another?

I had an easy ish pregnancy with dc1 (minimal sickness, physically ok), tough pregnancy with dc2 (sick until 24 weeks, then spd and back pain and awful reflux from about 20 weeks). Both boys.

39 weeks with dc3 and it's been much better than dc2, was still sick until 20 weeks but no spd or back pain until the last week or so. Was completely dreading being pregnant with a 4 and 2 year old and while it's inevitably had tough moments no where near as bad as I thought it could be.

So yes you can get different pregnancies. And though it doesn't feel like it at the time (and I am definitely ready to not be pregnant now!) it doesn't last forever.

I have 6 children and they were all different,terrible sickness with no 3,easy with 1,2 and 4. 3 was OK as long as I chewed juicy fruit 24/7 and 6 in a lot of pain with pelvis.
1st 5 all born between 36/38 weeks going into labour naturally,6th induced at 39 weeks

Pregnancies are all different!

I'm expecting my fourth, and has crippling spd with only my second baby for example.

Meant easy with 1,2 and 5. No 4 I had to chew juicy fruit

I had no sickness in my first pregnancy (boy) but so bad in my second pregnancy (girl) I was signed off work.
I suffered a bad back in both and got physio after the 2nd which helped a lot but I was a lot older in my 2nd.
I think each is different but I don't enjoy being pregnant at all.

Of course you're absolutely right that no-one can say definitively - think I'm looking for reassurance that it won't necessarily be the same.

And I'm sure it wouldn't be the deciding factor in our decision whether to try for another or not. But it might make me feel a bit more positive about another pregnancy if I have hope that it might be different! Preferably much much easier!

I have a friend who spent her second pregnancy playing 'lying on the floor games' with her toddler!

Depends what else is happening in your life as well. So not working and morning sickness is horrendous.

Morning sickness and preschooler at nursery for 15 hours a week less bad.

It will also be easier if eldest is toilet trained as nappies and sickness is horrendous

My two pregnancies were completely different. One I had no sickness, loads of energy, easy birth but very bad SPD. One I had sickness, heartburn, carpal tunnel, swelling, very mild SPD and then a very serious disease of pregnancy ending in premature emergency c section.

Pregnancy 1: sick once at about 9 weeks; really bad heartburn until about 15 weeks; carpal tunnel from about 35 weeks on; lots of fluid in feet and lower legs for last few weeks - only 1 pair of shoes fit me! DD born 40+6, relatively easy labour of about 10 hours

Pregnancy 2: constant background nausea from 5 weeks till 12 weeks but not actually sick; SPD from about 30 weeks on. Currently 39+4 and awaiting arrival!

Generally, sickness stays the same or gets worse with each subsequent pregnancy.

Mine got progressively worse to the point where I was sick around 10 times a day until about 25 weeks with dd2 (3rd pregnancy) and utterly crippled with nausea.

That said, if you were only sick around once a day before, a little worse would still be manageable.

4dc and all my pregnancies were different. I didn't have horrific sickness with any of them but had continuous nausea with two of them and no nausea with the other two.

My three pregnancies have been very different. I had no sickness or nausea in my second; in my third, the nausea was so badly I was retching during my 12 week scan and even cleaning my teeth made me vomit.

I've also had differences in odd little things. In my first two pregnancies, my leg hair stopped growing. In my third, it sped up. My skin's behaved differently in different pregnancies. My beta hcg levels have been massively different in each pregnancy. Cravings, bump development, tiredness, they've all been different. I was starving in my second pregnancy, but have no appetite in my third.

So yes, I reckon pregnancies can be very different indeed.

My first pregnancy was really awful, I was very ill and chronically exhausted the entire way through. I was unable to work for months. Also had the carpal tunnel at the end and heartburn all the way through. Didn't enjoy food one bit (neither the smell nor the taste) and could hardly fit any in in the third trimester anyway.

My second pregnancy was fine. I had mild 'morning sickness' in the afternoons now and then in first trimester, I was a bit tired (but then I already had a toddler so go figure!) and my hips went a bit funny in the last few weeks. Also heartburn and carpal tunnel but when you feel pretty ok generally, these are much easier to cope with.

So yes, my experience has been that it's absolutely possible for a second pregnancy to be much much easier than the first one. Of course it might not be, but it's not a foregone conclusion that one difficult pregnancy = they will all be difficult.

I was really sick with dc1 every day right up to the day I went into labour, had spd which I needed a walking stick for a couple of months but otherwise a really lovely pregnancy.

Dc2 I was nauseous daily until probably 20 weeks or so but only sick maybe twice. The spd, tiredness and general pain has been bastard though and kicked in really early (before 10 weeks and steadily got worse) - if my first pregnancy had been like this one I'm pretty sure I'd have stopped at one!

My two pregnancies were very different. With the first I had nausea, fainting, food aversions, mild SPD and back pain

With my second I had bad SPD but no nausea, fewer fainting episodes, no food issues.

With both I had low blood pressure and glucose problems.

My best friend had very different pregnancies as well. With the first she was active, no sickness and bad carpal tunnel. With her second she was signed off work due to low blood pressure and exhaustion but no carpal tunnel.

My first was pretty good except going far over my dates at the end. Second was pretty miserable though had no serious complications. They really can be different. My mum had 4 and apparently traded one problem for a new one each time.

Both of my pregnancies were were very complicated and difficult

• hyperemesis with both - although tailed off earlier with dd2
• bleeding and mc risk with both - although medicated from the start with 2
• spd with both - more severe with 2nd with crutches/wheelchair from 32w - not fun as sahm to a toddler with (undiagnosed) ASD/ADHD

DS1 - sick every hour (even through the night) from 9 weeks to 35 weeks and felt sick constantly, then the spd kicked in and I spent the last 5 weeks virtually bed/sofa bound

Ds2 - sick 3/4 times a day, felt mildly nauseous all the time but nowhere near as bad and no spd even though he was 2lb heavier

I'm on my third pregnancy and they've all been really similar symptom wise, nausea but not sick, painful nipples, other than that not much.

My 4 were all different. Sick all the way through with dc1. Only up until about 16 weeks with the others. Spd and carpal tunnel with dc3 only. Gd and thrush with dc4 only.