AIBU to think that not all pregnancies (in the same woman) are the same? Or am I kidding myself?

[StrugglingFirstTimeMum]

We have one child, and after a difficult pregnancy, enough time has now passed that I'm starting to look back with rose-tinted spectacles, even though our little boy is still very young. This is also influenced by my DH who has made it clear that he wants another child, and that he doesn't want to wait too long as it was difficult for us to conceive our son.

Potential infertility aside, am I kidding myself that I could have a different pregnancy with a different child? It wasn't the worst that it could be (other women I know suffer more than I did), but it was a pretty miserable 9 months. I was exhausted, I was sick at least once a day until around 30 weeks (often in the middle of eating breakfast/dinner. Lovely), had hip pain, carpal tunnel syndrome and heartburn. And food aversions. And insomnia. The idea of doing all that again with a baby/toddler just fills me with dread. But I think I'm swaying towards wanting a second child in the future.

AIBU to think that a subsequent pregnancy might not be as bad as my first one? Or is that just wishful thinking?

First pregnancy I was sick morning noon and night until about 16 weeks. Then I felt great and was physically active right up til labour.
Second (9 years later though) I was nauseous but not sick but felt physically exhausted and could barely shuffle to and from the car some days. Giving birth was such a relief!

My two were very different

P1 - simple. Textbook. Morning sickness one vom a day til week 12. Felt lush 12-38 weeks. Bit hefty and tired 38-40 weeks. Into labour naturally at 40+2.

P2 - exhausted permanently. Bleeding. Sickness til w20. Heartburn. Piles. Spontaneous contractions at 32 weeks. Stopped. Signed off sick then. Braxton hicks every few days from 34wks. Into labour naturally at 39+4.

Labours were entirely different tho too, woth P1s being hell and P2s being utter bliss.

My first pregnancy was Dd I was sick about 2-4 times every day from 6 weeks up until 18 weeks. Could not stand milk or most dairy. Couldn't eat meat or cook it the smell made me want to vomit.
With Ds I was sick about 6 times whole pregnancy and no aversion to any foods. So completely different second time round.

My first was harder than my second. Constant nausea that began to fade off weeks 16-18 (oh, how I wished I could be sick, couldn't eat, strong food aversions, lost weight) Replaced by SPD, struggling with basic mobility through 3rd tri. Rapid weight gain, 50% of bodyweight in 5 months, legs buckling by final week. Carpal tunnel. Waking hourly to reactivate dead arm and heave body over before repeating again. Long labour, EMCS, signs of pre-eclampsia developed during labour.

Second time, slightly more sick but less nausea. Better rest due to school holidays. Wore off between weeks 10-12. Had a thing called a second trimester, felt fairly normal for about 2 months. SPD crept in about 6 weeks later and better managed. Kept more mobile on crutches reducing water retention/ weight gain/ avoided carpal tunnel. Able to leave house independently during last month, and able to fit in driver's seat Labour was 1/4 of the time. Rough ending but both healthy other than very sore tear which aggravated the SPD.

Ended up not working during the pregnancy (end of temp contract, didn't pick up any supply) although didn't work after about week 17 in the first. I would probably have had to go onto sick leave by about 32 weeks anyway. I managed to graze and manage my diet better, so that helped the nausea a bit and stayed a stone lighter which made a significant difference.

Similar symptoms but they were more manageable second time.

Thanks everyone so much for sharing your experiences. I expect there's a bit of confirmation bias going on in that most people who've responded probably did so to confirm that their pregnancies were different. But it does give me hope that at the very least I wouldn't know what to expect.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic with the exception of SPD your first pregnancy was remarkably similar to mine, right down to the labour!

I expect there's a bit of confirmation bias going on in that most people who've responded probably did so to confirm that their pregnancies were different.

Well, that was your question - can they be different? Yes. I didn't feel it would have been very helpful to share the story of an acquaintance who suffered hyperemesis in her first pregnancy and then again in her second . But yes the upshot of it is that a first pregnancy is no indicator of how a second pregnancy will go.

Best of luck

That's just pregnancy isn't it as a whole? (apart from the constant sickness). I think it's very rare for someone to have absolutely no issues. Mines a totally unicorn pregnancy but I still have heartburn and carpal tunnel.

Yanbu, I have 4 and pregnancies were different and births were very different. I had morning sickness/all day sickness/no sickness. Active/quiet baby. Back ache/no back ache. Craving for peaches in one pregnancy nice and health, craving for marshmallows in another (might be why all day sickness was so bad) craving for cabbage healthy again and with one curry for breakfast dinner and tea. One pregnancy with repeated threatened miscarriages. Births well I've had home delivery, high tech hospital, forceps, C Section, episiotomy, inductions, no induction, 5 hr labour and 36 hour labour. Yes I can safely say they all pregnancies and labours can vary.

The only thing I can say about all mine is my waters never broke. Feel quite cheated as that is always the dramatic start of labour in films/tv and I totally missed.

Spd, pelvic pain, carpal tunnel all got progessively worse with each pregnancy.

God if I had been as sick as some of you were with dc1 I would have stopped at 1.. I hate being sick and if I had been regularly sick my other 3 wouldn't be here

My waters broke with dc4 as I was walking into the hospital. A cleaner had to mop the floor and put a warning sign up. That made me laugh and then piddle myself. Cleaner looked horrified as was about 19 and male. Happy days

I was very sick with DS1, and was constantly nauseous for most of the pregnancy. I only had very mild nausea with DD1, and i was only sick once.

None of my 5 were the same!
Sickness & nausea all 9 months with first, had both with the other 4 but just not quite as bad. Second was easier but third was harder, fourth was easy(ish) was fifth was the hardest (since no more babies)!

Only had Carpal Tunnel with 4th and 5th (I think) but with 5th if I lifted anything in my right hand I dropped it.

So none the same even though they're all the same gender!

My two pregnancies with two DD have been chalk and cheese. However, even if you dont have insomnia, exhaustion, generally feeling crap, then looking after a toddler all day and night will do that for you anyway ;)

Mine were very different dd1 was a very difficult pregnancy sickness until 28 weeks I lost a stone and a half. Had high bp from 20 weeks and a bleed at 19 weeks and was put on 6 weeks bed rest. In hospital at 29 weeks with bp given steroids at 31 weeks in again at 32 weeks for preeclampsia and had an emcs as she had stopped growing and discovered I also had placental abruption. She's now about to turn 7.
Second pregnancy sickness was as bad, massive from 5 weeks, twins. Sadly miscarried in second trimester.
Dd2 was completely different hardly any sickness but couldn't stop eating! Craved sweet foods (gained 3 stone ) had a few bleeds until 9 weeks when had cramps and clots got put on aspirin and bp meds and never looked back dd was born vbac on due date 4 hours labour

My aunt had preclampsia in all of her pregnancies, gradually got worse each time. Had five kids but was so very poorly before and after. Her daughter was the same with gestational diabetes - it got worse with each baby.

Tbh if you had a serious medical problem with your first, think really hard whether it's worth risking your life just to have another kid