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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we can survive on £50k

100 replies

Hadenoughtoday01 · 12/04/2017 11:41

My DH lost his job the other day, Brexit (i.e sterling) related concerns to the internet start up he was working for. Others lost jobs there too too.
Now his income had pushed us above £100k (household income) which sounds like so much but actually (we both pay into company pensions) it wasn't. Now he has lost his job I'm quite concerned. Can we survive on my income - that amount above includes a bonus and freelance work I do.
The real killer for us is childcare - my youngest doesn't start school until September, however we have paid pre school fees up to the end of the summer term (we could get these back as DH salary only paid up to end of May) but she is thriving there. I'm just wondering what we can cut back on. We shop at Aldi, only buy the DCs new clothes when I make some extra freelancing (have to put half away in savings account for HMRC), my only luxury is highlights every six months and new trainers (I get free gym membership with my work). I
We owe £1,500 on credit cards and I'm paying a tax bill delayed from maternity leave. I feel like asking this might attract some negative comments, but I work in the City of London and we live in an expensive part of the South East...

OP posts:
mirime · 12/04/2017 13:51

Is there any reason your husband cannot get a temporary full time job starting almost immediately doing just about anything

No reason why he can't try but it doesn't mean he'll get one straight away.

PollyPerky · 12/04/2017 13:52

If you had an income of £100K and rent of £950 I would have thought you could have saved something. Your biggest outgoing is childcare (and food.)
Almost £100 a week for 2 adults and 2 small children is a lot. You could shave that a bit.

As others have said you need to write down every single thing you spend in month and every day - that includes off coffees and snacks.

Your utility bills could be slashed - ours is under £90 a month for a 4 bed house and we have the heating on all the time (on thermostat.)

You must have been living beyond your means if you can't pay off £1500 on your credit card- that's costing you money each month.

I don't understand your work- sorry- but you say you are freelance but also work in the city and have a bonus- implies you do work for an employer but do freelance as well...?

You can also stop contributing to your pension (assume this is a private one as a freelancer) for a while.

I understand why you want to run the after school care for 2 more months but at £600 a month it's a bit of a luxury. Sometimes there have to be hard choices. Food on the table and debts paid off but kids will have to forgo their pre-school for a few weeks.

Original poster
Hadenoughtoday01 · 12/04/2017 14:23

KitKats the tax bill was from eight years ago, I had one very good year followed by a recession so that when I tried to start working again after DD1 was born, many of my clients had gone under. DH was made redundant and the money 'saved for tax' went on food. Oh we have lived on a far, far smaller income than this. I've stopped the overpayment on the energy bills. Titchy It's not £600 because I have to pay £418 a month to get into work. The pre school is very cheap. The issue I have not mentioned is that my DH has depression - so I cannot rely on him for childcare. (cue loads of furious comments from people telling me I'm a fool) and I'm factoring in maybe leaving him as I've had enough. But that is another story.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hadenoughtoday01 · 12/04/2017 14:25

We probably should have claimed benefits that year - but we didn't. JanetBrown2015 I'm up at 5am every weekday morning, I'm in my late 40s and not home before 7pm a lot of evenings. And when I do get home I often work after I put the children to bed. I cannot work weekends - I do sometimes to do some freelance work - but I'm exhausted as it is. I support my whole family! My children would never see me!

OP posts:
Obsidian77 · 12/04/2017 14:30

Just saw your latest post. You must have a real feeling of here we go again Sad.
Hope your DH manages to find work soon and you can cut down on expenses.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 12/04/2017 14:39

You can live off that as long as you priorities properly and cut your cloth where you can.
We live in South and live off less than £40k. Daughter in nursery, a car each etc.

Look at your expenses. We don't pay more than £35month for tv, internet and phone (including basic sky).
We switched our mortgage and locked it in at a good rate (we had to pay fees to get out of the one we were on but we reduced the amount a month and the years we have to pay it off by doing this - so expensive at the time but it worked out).
Batch cook food - big portion of mince can do a couple of meals when you add cheap pasta/rice etc

Can your DH do something for work with less responsibility just for an income until he finds work in his field again?

titchy · 12/04/2017 14:45

I listed your travel expenses....

The childcare is the issue then - you have no wiggle room if you continue to spend £600 a month on this, although you can certainly survive. Depression so can't do childcare - that does sound like an excuse sorry.

MegMez · 12/04/2017 15:03

That's more than our combined wages for our household (2 adults and 2 sometimes 3 kids) but our outgoings are much lower - all kids in school, family help with after school childcare and mainly because we live on a street where the 3 bed houses sell for under £100k so mortgage payments are tiny. And we've got a tiny, cheap 2nd hand car.

As many of the others have said - have a realistic look at the ins and outs. What's normal to you and your financial peers might not be essential when you strip it all back.

Presumably your husband's looking for other jobs in the meantime?

I don't really understand what you mean by "pre school fees" - is this a private nursery? I know you say she's thriving but for the sake of saving money for the whole family it could be worth ending that for a few months.

MycatsaPirate · 12/04/2017 15:03

He has depression so can't do the childcare?

I have complex ptsd, social anxiety and long term depression as well as a chronic health condition which leaves me in agony and exhausted. I can still manage to do 'childcare' for my own children.

It seems like everything is dumped on your shoulders. You are carrying everything and that is grossly unfair.

Your dp needs to get help for his depression and then either get another job or take on a full sahp role which frees you up to work without the stress of fitting in absolutely everything else in a very long day.

PollyPerky · 12/04/2017 15:19

If he has depression, but he could work, how can he not look after your children each day? If he can function in a working environment then what stops him looking after his kids?
Is he having help from his GP for this?
If not, I think you do need to leave him as he sounds like a ball and chain around your ankle.

KitKats28 · 12/04/2017 16:10

Plenty of people manage their responsibilities with depression. They are his children as much as yours so he needs to man up and do the right thing. Believe me, I've got diagnosed depression, anxiety, PTSD and OCD. Day to day stuff is bloody hard, but it still has to be done.

I don't particularly think you are a fool, and I'm not going to start screaming LTB, but you need to stop protecting him and point out that he needs to shoulder half the burden. You can't be responsible for everything.

KitKats28 · 12/04/2017 16:14

And people who are saying "we live on half of that" are being unrealistic. If you base your lifestyle on an amount of money, it's bloody hard to suddenly lose half your income.

My husband is off sick, and with no company sick pay, his weekly income has dropped from £250 to £80. Our outgoings haven't suddenly dropped overnight though.

JanetBrown2015 · 12/04/2017 17:50

Had, it's very difficult. I divorced a husband who in my view was depressed (he would not seek help) and it has been much better for the family although I am not going to say it's easy being a single parent and as you say that is a separate issue anyway.

I did have a period when 5 to 7am on Saturday morning when the twins were very tiny babies was a working time for me (working from home from my desk) and that is not fun when you've done a mid night breastfeed and a 3am one too and you are working before the babies wake and that was when I was married.

What I have found is it tends to be easier to increase income rather than make tiny cut backs other than obvious things like going out for meals, holidays, coffee bars which can easily be cut out. Lots of people work with depression. our local high street has 3 shops with signs in the windows offering immediate work (depends what part of the country you are in however as to whether that is so) so it might well be possible that your husband can get one of those jobs next week to help tide things over even if it's just a few hours a day. It might also cheer him up to have something to be getting on with even if it's just trying to smile to customers in the shop.

GlitterGlue · 12/04/2017 18:02

If you can manage it I'd at least keep paying for the after school club unless they can guarantee your place for September even if you withdraw now.

Have you posted about him before? The husband using depression as an excuse for everything he doesn't fancy doing sounds familiar. I know someone with a husband like that and I don't know how he isn't under the patio by now.

dementedma · 12/04/2017 18:11

We have a combined income of about £45K, two adult dcs at home, two second hand cars ( need two as both dh and I have long commutes in different directions, semi rural so public transport is shit). We struggle to be honest, even though mortgage is low. Fuel costs for commuting to work are high,about £250 a month, and then there are all the bloody insurances - mortgage, contents, life, car x2 ,cat, .
We do all have mobiles and we do have Sky. I would ditch the latter like a shot but dh won't hear of it.
It just takes one big bill,and both cars are old, and we are stuffed every month.

serialtester · 12/04/2017 18:23

Oh OP, what a shit thing to happen. Possibly facing similar here. Reading all tips avidly. Hope DH gets another job soon Flowers

AllllGooone · 12/04/2017 18:35

DH has depression - so I cannot rely on him for childcare. (cue loads of furious comments from people telling me I'm a fool) and I'm factoring in maybe leaving him as I've had enough. But that is another story

Sorry, sounds like you're having a really tough time of it. Hopefully your "d"h will find work of some sort quickly. As you say, you're unlikely to find rent below 995, and housing and childcare are always massive costs.

AllllGooone · 12/04/2017 18:37

We do all have mobiles and we do have Sky

The thing is, by ditching sky you'd barely be any better off because we now live in a a old where the internet is close to being a must. I've decided to stop feeling guilty about spending £x on sky when internet alone was about £4 a month cheaper.

AllllGooone · 12/04/2017 18:37

I think I meant to say "a world"

Swirlingasong · 12/04/2017 19:00

You are really not far far off managing on your income, at least while your dh finds something else. I wouldn't cancel the childcare as that would be very disruptive if your little one starts school in Sept, but can you reduce the hours at all? Even just an earlier pick up a couple of days?

Also, it wouldn't be much but I think you can reduce the food bill a bit. Your dc1 could take sandwiches for less than £50 a month. If your husband is into food, he should be able to spend time cooking cheaper meals (lots of kidney beans and lentils in this house). Also, take a good look at the prices of what you are buying. Often I think people assume Aldi and Lidl etc will be the cheapest but quite a few things will be cheaper if you buy the value range in other supermarkets. If you dh isn't working he should have the time to shop in a variety of places (and if he walks to do the shopping this can help with depression too).

Our income dropped by 40% when I was made redundant whilst on maternity leave. We did the sums and decided we could afford for me to stay at home for a while but didn't think it would be that long. Actually we coped fine and it remarkable how much you could save by simply having the time to shop around, research the best deals etc. Good luck.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 12/04/2017 19:04

I've just switched to BT and have fibre broadband for £14pm including weekend calls and phone line but no TV package (we have Freeview and an Amazon fire stick).

Nobody "needs" Sky TV. It's a luxury.

Broadband is pretty essential these days I agree. Doesn't have to be expensive Sky if you live in SE where there are many operators.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 12/04/2017 19:04

If you have two cars get rid of one.

Oly5 · 12/04/2017 19:05

We'd be screwed because our mortgage is £2K a month plus we have childcare bills.
Just slash where you can OP

Dearlittleflo · 12/04/2017 19:07

Is he entitled to unemployment benefit?

Can you get a reduction on your council tax bill for the period he is unemployed?

wowbutter · 12/04/2017 19:09

It's an impossible question.

My DH and I have a joint income of £35,000 and have a decent amount of disposable income and could easily survive and thrive on 50k.

Can you? Dunno. What are your outgoings per month?