To feed a child if they said they are hungry?

[M2R2]

Dd is so skinny, always been a fussy eater. So if she ask for food i am always delighted to give her no matter what time it is.
Once she woke up around mid night said she is hungry cant go back to sleep and i made her a sandwich to eat in bed while half asleep.
I do know that not all parents have this problem. But I don't know how to tell a child no if they ask for food. My niece is staying over and her mum asked me not to feed her after 7. Her and dd came to me around 8 and they said they want to eat and they are hungry I couldn't say no. Was I unreasonable to give a small sandwich. She looks healthy not overweight. WWUD?

Fir my niece last time she was over she did mention that they never have dinner at her house. They have breakfast then late lunch as she call it (today was at 4pm as i was there).

So your DN only routinely gets two meals a day?! If she's having breakfast when she gets up, say 8am (since it's the holidays) then she's going 8 hours without a meal if she has "late lunch" at 4pm then potentially it's another 16 hours before she eats again, that is not normal or healthy, no wonder the poor child is looking for something to eat at 8pm!

I was all ready to say YABU to ignore a parent's instructioon not to feed their child after a certain time, as if I give instructions like that it's for a good reason (getting her to eat at "proper times", stop adding reasons for her to get out of bed, it giving her stomach aches to eat right before bed, medical reason etc) but reading your update I think YANBU.

I spent 10 years living in Spain before I came back to the UK 2 years ago, so my DD was brought up with Spanish mealtimes and it's something we still tend to do now especially at weekends and in holidays. So today DD8 had a glass of warm milk with a sprinkling of cereal in (she won't eat a whole bowl of cereal in the morning but doesn't like plain miilk so it's our compromise) when she got up at about 7am, then at about 11am we had tostada (toasted french bread slices with a little oil and tomato puree); lunch at 2pm was our big meal - noodle soup, couscous & roast chicken then yoghurt; At about 4pm she had a banana and then dinner at 7pm this evening was homemade butternut squash and sweet potato soup with a small roll.

My DD knows that she can help herself to fruit any time of the day but she usually asks me first anyway because she usually tries asking for chocolate/sweets first and then settles on fruit and she has a water bottle that she carries with her as she never remembers to get a drink if she's thirsty but if the water bottle is there, she will drink it. So generally she has 3 main meals and at least one snack a day ...if I started only feeding her twice a day she'd think her throat had been cut! Not to mention I can guarantee her blood sugar levels would be going mental and I'd have a grumpy child on my hands ... if it happened on a school day where she had to concentrate and work she would be having a meltdown long before 8pm!

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Yeah I don't think 2 meals is a norm in any family.
For me 4pm is too early to count it as dinner and nothing afterward. I know she does have lots of fruits during the day.
I want to ask the mum about the routine food time at their house, something is not right.

You don't sound very close to your SIL.

Is she married to your brother or your BIL? Do they have an opinion about their DD's food routine?

Have you never seen Gremlins? If the instructions are not to feed after seven then you must abide!

Haha, that was my immediate reaction to the post too and then read this comment!!
In all seriousness though, if that was me, I'd have given a big meal before 7pm and then just not fed after. That way they're not hungry.
Crap to go completely against a parent's wishes.

Worra we are not too close but not unfriendly. We get along. She is my BIL partner.
We don't live too close and we have the girls around over the holidays for sleepovers, in both houses.
I was at their house at 4pm when the dds had lunch/dinner. We where home after 6 and by the time my dinner was ready and dh home, it was after 7:30.
So for us there was no extra meal just dinner was a bit late as lunch was late.
I wouldn't expect them to eat last meal at 4 and go to bed happy. I was hungry and had my dinner after eating at 4

We were 🙈

It's difficult when you have a child who is extremely picky, your perception of food becomes a bit warped. I get it, My DS is extremely food averse, my biggest hate is 'no child will starve themselves' because thats absolute bloody nonsense. they can and they do. He is on the very low side of normal for his weight, but the fact it coincides with extreme fussiness means the paediatric team are taking it seriously.
also, my children only really eat 2 meals a day. and a snack in between. They eat more/better that way.

I wouldn't expect any child to eat their last meal at four and not have a snack before bed, so YANBU.

Neither would I Worra but then I wouldnt expect a child to eat their second meal of the day at 4pm either. Especially as it would the second of 2 meals.

Sounds like the mother has issues and the dd is suffering for it, because isnt normal or ok.

Second of only 2 meals.

I don't think you have much room to say anything about her feeding routine when you let your child eat whenever she demands it, including in the middle of the night... Neither of these are good things.

Their meal routine sounds messed up and the random 'no food after 7' is controlling. I don't like the sound of them and YWNBU to feed the poor child, I bet she was hungry.

Poor kid. My friends' sil is the same. 2 meals a day even as toddlers. It makes it effing easy not to have to cook as well, doesn't it! You were not unreasonable. Does she eat dinner at school then something at home after?

God, so many sad fat shamers. Glad you gave her a sandwich, OP.

I think you were right to give them a sandwich - only 2 meals a day and the last one at 4pm I'm not surprised she was hungry!!

I also think you're doing the right thing in giving you daughter food when she asks. DS2 is underweight (and before people say it's normal to see ribs etc he's 1st percentile for BMI and is monitored by a paed for this - healthy but super skinny) and very rarely asks for food but if he does ever wake up hungry I would always give him something. Eldest DS not so much as he does ask when he's thirsty or bored sometimes!

That presentation is interesting Wigeon, thanks for sharing

Only two meals a day is not normal. Does she have any substantial snacks?

Next time she comes over ask her mum about the 7pm rule before she comes. Is it strict? Why is it? I'd feel bad saying no food until breakfast to a hungry child.

Yes you were unreasonable! How unhappy would you be if you said to her "if she wakes in the night hungry please feed her" and she ignored you?!

There are lots of reasons she could have asked this, health issues, maybe she has trouble sleeping if she eats after this time, maybe they're on a schedule at home, maybe she has diabetes, maybe she has a blood test tomorrow?

Jeez. I'm surprised at people saying they'd feed her.

Why didn't you give her dinner at like 6.30? if you knew cut off was at 7???

If you fed my daughter when I'd asked you not to I'd not bring her around again. To everyone else she looks to be a healthy weight but that is because we work really hard on it. We have to because unfortunately she has a tendency to put weight on and we agreed with the health visitor (my daughter is unaware of this - we all stick to what helps keep her at a healthy weight). She hasn't got an off switch and will eat until she is ill. The mum has her reasons - if you don't understand them then ask her but don't just ignore her. You may well be doing her mum a favour by looking after her daughter, but a bit off to ignore her request.