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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think my 20 year old just isn't suitable for university? (As much as she thinks she is!)

65 replies

Glazeee · 10/04/2017 18:38

Hiya,

My 20 year old wants to start a Level 3 Extended Diploma in Applied Science (I think?) and then wants to do a Physics degree.

She finished school with okay GCSEs (8 Bs and Cs). She then went to that school's sixth form and studied 3 A levels. She didn't pass so left and started at a college where she did the exact same a levels but gave up 2 of them in her second year "because she just didn't have an interest in that field anymore" Confused she finished the Maths one with a B. She has spent this last year earning some money and has saved about £5000? I'd say she is definitely more suited to stick with a job now and maybe look into apprenticeships or something like that. She is only in a little corner shop right now but clearly she seems more suited for the work life than study life?

AIBU to think some people are just not suitable for uni and that she is probably one of them?

OP posts:
Glittter · 10/04/2017 19:07

If she got a b in a level maths she is obviously quite bright, she sounds like she needs some encouragment/guidance, not told she should just work in a shop for the rest of her life! She is more than capable of getting a degree, maybe you should look into ways to support her?!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 10/04/2017 19:09

My son got a C and a D at A level. He was a lazy arse though. Did a foundation year and a degree in a proper subject from a decent Russell Group and got a solid 2.1.

To be honest the crappy A levels have worked against him in the graduate job hunt. But he has a decent job now. I think uni has been the making of him really.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 10/04/2017 19:11

Her plans sound sensible. Her previous results show potential.

Sounds like a change of scenery and a new chance to pick up her studies would do her the world of good.

Some people aren't ready for A-levels at 16-18 and need more time to find their interests or confidence. That doesn't mean that they're not ready a couple of years later.

Rattata · 10/04/2017 19:23

She will have to self fund the diploma as she is over 19 - is that right? I think since she wants to go yo Uni that an Access course would be more appropriate - she will be with a diverse mix of people and it will be more targetted in providing the sort of skills she will need in Uni - note taking, research, group presentations, essay/reports. I am a big fan of Access courses - she will be able to get a student loan for it. If she does well she can go straight onto a degree and if not then a foundation year at Uni.

Some people just need a few years to grow a bit - not everyone is ready for Uni at 18. A lot of really bright people crash out at A level. Encourage her - I think it is great she wants to get back into education. What jobs do you think she could get with the Extended Diploma? I should think most students on that course go onto Uni (check the college's leaver/destination survey).

DonaldStott · 10/04/2017 19:25

Your disappointment in your daughter is palpable.

So your 2 other children have got degrees, but you're writing your 20yr old dd off and telling her to stick with working in a corner shop

Fuck me!!!

TrinityForce · 10/04/2017 19:27

I completely agree with DonaldStott's post.

Shocking attitude from you.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 10/04/2017 19:29

I didn't go to uni till I was 30. I spent my 20s making money and travelling.
Like your daughter I faffed at school and got some grades but definitely not my full potential.
By 30 I was bored of people assuming I was stupid in the job I did. My life and work experience made uni very easy.

Unless she 100% knows what she wants to do, I'd be pushing your dd to have more fun for the time being. You only live once

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 10/04/2017 19:30

Sounds like you're writing her off tbh. If you're at all proud or interested in her, it's not immediately obvious. maybe try supporting her decisions rather than judging and saying you know best.

TeenAndTween · 10/04/2017 19:31

I think you/she need to check what degree courses would accept her with a Level 3 Extended diploma, and that they would be 'acceptable' to her. Also what grades would she require, I could imagine at least DDD if not higher (as in Distinction, Distinction, Distinction).

She has done well to get a B for A level maths with 'only' a B for GCSE maths. The colleges round here require an A at GCSE to be allowed to do maths at A level at all. That said Physics at university will be very maths heavy and I'm not sure whether a B in maths would really cut it...

LRDtheFeministDragon · 10/04/2017 20:03

I don't see why she wouldn't be suitable for university. IME (I teach at university), people who have worked for a bit often do better than their peers who haven't. They have more maturity and independence. And tenacity is a good quality too. I know quite a lot of people who had lower grades than your DD initially, who did very well.

Tinkerbec · 10/04/2017 20:07

We need more women in Physics!

I like her dreams she should at least try. Then no regrets.

lionsleepstonight · 10/04/2017 20:09

I was like your daughter, and followed the job route. I've done pretty well for myself, however I feel a lack of a degree has meant some doors have remained closed. I've applied for many jobs, and been questioned if I had a degree, and then not been interviewed. I've done well as once I join a company I can work my way up, but now at a stage where the next level expect a degree as a minimum standard. And im stuck. I wish So much I had gone to uni and got a degree. They open doors.

BellyDancer124 · 10/04/2017 20:13

Sometimes, a year or two working in a job where there's no possibility of career progression is needed to provide motivation for people to take studying seriously.

This is so true hamster

Gabilan · 10/04/2017 20:26

She is my youngest and my 2 older DC did A levels and then went to uni, they all graduated at 21 and are working full time

Ouch. That's a lot of pressure. I'm the younger of two and my sibling is very, very bright. Fortunately my parents realised that I am too and encouraged me. It could very easily have gone the other and I might have decided the pressure wasn't worth it and ducked out. As it was, my sibling went more towards languages whilst I avoided any sense of competition by doing the sciences.

Welshrainbow · 10/04/2017 20:32

If she's sure it's what she wants then she should go for it. Maybe look for a foundation year going into a science degree though. Her grades aren't bad as long as she knows she needs to work at uni. I got four a-levels, none higher than a C-grade (maths was barely a pass) and ended up with a first class degree, masters with distinction and a PhD from an RG uni and know several people who have done the same.

Gabilan · 10/04/2017 20:34

Oh and yes, maths is one of the most difficult A levels and we need more women in STEM subjects. She should go for it.

CatsCruncher · 10/04/2017 20:39

I got average to poor GCSE grades (dropped a few classes) and average to poor A-Levels so didn't have the option of going to a good university through that route. Instead, I did an apprenticeship and then did an evening access course while working. I definitely would recommend you don't turn your nose up at access courses, as this course allowed me to study at a Russell Group university, which I never would have had a chance to study in with my original grades. I actually receive steady 2:1 grades on my assignments, and do better than I ever did in school and college so if this is something she is interested in and dedicated to then I wouldn't put her off - if nothing else, it's a life lesson!

gammaraystar · 10/04/2017 20:40

I got crap a-levels, I know have a PhD in STEM subject. Shw should go for it.

gammaraystar · 10/04/2017 20:40

She

OITNY · 10/04/2017 20:42

Have YOU got any A levels or a degree?

gammaraystar · 10/04/2017 20:42

Too many typos... I blame the wine!!!

OpalIridescence · 10/04/2017 20:55

I am really surprised you are talking about your daughter in this way.

Achieving her B in maths and then having the maturity to save £5000 from her shop wage is impressive.

I messed around at school, worked and then went to university at 30.

I am in the last few weeks of a physics degree and am aware my own family have doubted my potential and commitment.

I would urge you to examine your attitude. At your daughter's graduation do you want her to know her success was achieved..
A. In spite of her mother's opinion
B That her mother cheered her all the way?

AnyFucker · 10/04/2017 21:00

Why do you keep asking the same question ? You won't get different replies.

Ktown · 10/04/2017 21:03

B in maths? She is bright. Don't undermine her. Send her off to uni.
All friends with physics degrees are also loaded bankers so don't keep her in a crap job when she could do so much more!!!

Deux · 10/04/2017 21:13

Crikey. From what you've written then I really don't think you're the best person to advise her.

Your job is to support her in achieving her potential. So what if she's 20? She will have a clearer idea than when she was 17.

Don't rain on her parade. She'll hate you for it one day.

A B in A level maths is very good. Encourage her science dreams.

You never know she may develop and invent the first ever personality transplant and you can be first in the cue.

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