To not care that dd has "nothing to wear"

[Everyoneafter3]

She's 9.5. She's been ridiculously picky about clothes from the age of 2 and this shows no sign of abating. I take her shopping but we can trail round all the shops in town for her to not like anything. Or, she'll finally see something she likes... then refuse to wear it.

On the plus side dd2 has no shortage of barely-worn clothes.

She's moaning she's nothing to wear. She has tons of stuff.

Aibu to not give a monkeys that she's "nothing to wear".

I don't know what you mean?

She's not even ten yet. Stop indulging her and buying her new clothes. Why would you care whether she says she got something or nothing to wear? You buy it and probably wash it for her so you know it's not true!

When she's earning her own money she can waste as much of it as she likes on clothing. Absolutely ridiculous at her age.

Sorry OP, it sounds as if Frankenstein wasn't the only one to create a monster!!

If she chose the clothes and now won't wear them, she's just going to have to learn to rechoose them until she's a bit more grateful IMHO.

I suppose it's a bit late now if she's been indulged since the age of 2

But YANBU, I wouldn't care either.

Just ignore any stroppiness about it.

Offer to sell everything except her school uniform and pj's then and she can sperm's the proceeds restocking from the local charity shop.

Tbh she's a child of your indulgence so you really are just reaping what you sowed

You need to decide how many clothes she needs, ie 5 t shirts or 10, 3 pairs of trousers or 6.
Then as long as she enough clothes that fit, stop buying.
You only buy new when she outgrows stuff.
Any time she says she has nothing to wear, say she has plenty to wear, she has just decided not to.
And you have decided not to buy more clothes

The more she has the harder it is to decide.

If she only had one set of joggers and a t-shirt there'd be no decision to make.

Stop feeding the problem.

Agree - stop feeding the problem. Children in this house get a limited choice when we go shopping, so I would ask "do you want this green dress or that blue one?" but pulling faces, pouted lips, stamping feet and grumpiness are not tolerated.

Or are you one of those parents who posts on FB about "my lil diva" and thinks it's cute to be raising a spoiled brat?

Tell her capsule wardrobes are in.

As said above. She can choose between a small number of items. 5 tops, 5 bottom. That's all she gets. And then if she keeps bleating, just dress her yourself, wrestle her into the car and carry on with your day.

Absolutely make it clear that you don't give a monkey's that she has nothing to wear. You need to laugh her out of it and also make it clear that there are much more important things in life than clothes.

Unless DD1 has some sort of sensory issues - I mention this as DS1 does, and can't bear the feel of some fabrics next to his skin - then YANBU at all.

As others have said, so long as she has enough clothes that fit her (in YOUR opinion), then buy her nothing new until she has outgrown them.

DS1 is almost 20 now, so buys his own clothes mostly. DS2 is 16 and we buy him enough basic clothes (including all school wear obviously) - but anything designer or extra that he "wants" rather than "needs", he uses his own money for.

DD is almost 6 and wears what she's given.

Is it a sensory thing or is it a diva thing?

If it's a diva thing I'd call her on it. 'Oh really DD, let's sort out your clothes & see what you need'. Then pile all of her clothes onto her bed and go through them one by one. Anything 'too small' goes onto her sisters pile, anything 'I don't like it' goes onto her sisters pile. Don't question it. When you are done, say 'That's ok DD you have x sets of clothes, now it's less cluttered you'll be able to find them more easily and I can make sure that one of these sets of clothes is always clean for you 😊'. IF everything goes onto her sisters pile, like literally everything, you can tell her she will have to stay in what she's wearing ( you'll wash them) until next month when you get paid then she can choose two outfits for the summer.

Honestly, it works. The hardest part is keeping a straight face.

....and, ummm, where did she hear that phrase from? Mum by any chance? 😂

I have never asked my kids what they want to wear, I buy what they need and that's it. If one of them asks for something, s/he gets it of course, but I can't think of anything worst than treading down the shops waiting for them to make up their mind.

Good luck when she's 14 if she is that bad already, it doesn't get any easier.

Most kids in this country spend half their life in school uniforms anyway, so we do have it easy.

DS asserted his choice in clothes from the age of 2 starting with flatly refusing to wear dungarees. If I did manage to wrestle them on to his flailing, screaming body, they'd be removed soon after. It was not a battle worth entering into.

He's now 6. I rarely shop without his input, and he's got a selection of shorts, t-shirts, a couple of shirts and full zip fleeces. He's got a couple of pairs of trousers just in case he ever needs to wear trousers, but they will be passed on to DS2 in a pristine state.

He cares very much about the feel of clothes. It helps now that we've established themes of what he will wear. I've got further by working with him with some respect for his wishes, negotiation and saving my veto for the times where it matters. We've had many tears along the way, mainly his, but he's always made it out of the house with clothes on in the end!

It might be worth filtering through her wardrobe pulling out what is never worn and establishing why. It will be easier for her to select through a reduced selection and might make it easier to make positive choices through what she already has.

I have no idea why you would care. Just repeat, this subject is not open for discussion any longer. Over and over.

I've taken my kids (granted, they're boys) shopping only a handful of times - I order online, they pick what they like, the rest goes back. Illusion of choice.

Sounds like my DD (10). She has always been phobic about buttons, tassles, bows etc. Also has crippling social anxiety so used to refuse to wear new clothes. Now likes clothes as long as they are black Don't buy new clothes but try to understand what's wrong with the old ones.

It can't be a sensory issue if the child has 'tons of stuff'.

Plus, this has been going on for 7.5yrs according to the OP, so I'm sure it would have come to light during that time.

It sounds much more like 'Fussy Princess-ities'.

Go through her clothes with her, put away seasonal stuff and anything outgrown. Seeing and trying it all on again might well renew her enthusiasm. Then help her fold it all away tidily, in manageable numbers as PP have said. 5 tops are easier than 15.

Devide how many she needs of everything - 8 tops, 3 pr shorts, 2 skirts, 3 dresses or whatever. You don't have to be minimalist about it, just rational. If there are any holes in her wardrobe after the audit then fill them, but then no more clothes this season.

I have some sympathy - I buy clothes and then decide i don't think them too. But she needs to value what she has more.

*decide

Trust me, she will not walk around naked.Just ignore her and stop indulging her

She does need new clothes from time to time...

Definitely not one of those parents who post about their lil divas... There is nothing spoilt about any of her behaviour: it's just the clothing issue where it unravels.

As a toddler it seemed to be a sensory issue.

My DD was the same and to some extent still is as an adult.

With her, I think it's a lack of confidence, she had anxiety after her Dad, my DH died.

I had a limited budget, so she had to adapt. It's easier to stop it now, than when she's 13.

....and, ummm, where did she hear that phrase from? Mum by any chance?

Or Dad, maybe?