Page 2 | To not care that dd has "nothing to wear"

Everyoneafter3 · 2017-04-10T10:22:24+00:00

She's 9.5. She's been ridiculously picky about clothes from the age of 2 and this shows no sign of abating. I take her shopping but we can trail round all the shops in town for her to not like anything. Or, she'll finally see something she likes... then refuse to wear it. On the plus side dd2 has no shortage of barely-worn clothes. She's moaning she's nothing to wear. She has ^tons^ of stuff. Aibu to not give a monkeys that she's "nothing to wear".

Lilicat1013 · 10/04/2017 12:42

If it was a sensory issue when she was a toddler there is every chance it could be a sensory issue now.

Can you ask her what she doesn't like about her clothes, things like tags, buttons and seams are common issues. They do sell specialist clothing for children with sensory issues. Maybe you could try some of that and see if that works for her?

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2017 12:43

Of course she's behaving like a diva.

But I don't think she can entirely blamed if she's been indulged for so long.

Perhaps this is a good time to talk about child poverty? You don't even have to talk about poverty in other countries that she might not identify with, as there's plenty of real child poverty in the UK.

Either way, it's a shame any child focuses so much on what is afterall just clothing.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 10/04/2017 12:45

My DTDs are 8 and they wear what they are given. If they don't want to wear it, they can go out in their pjs. I usually buy for them, but sometimes take them along to choose what they want, but they know I don't have a lot of money and they have to be careful what they choose. Never had any problems. I do not tolerate any diva behaviour, clothes or otherwise.

Sounds like you created a problem for yourself. You should start putting your foot down before it's too late to improve the behaviour for the better. Good luck!

Original poster

Everyoneafter3 · 10/04/2017 12:47

She hates sleeves that cling in any way. I think this is probably why she hates leggings.

The other thing we struggle with is some of the offerings of the stores themselves. She hates 'girly' but doesn't like 'boy'. So for example, she might need some shorts. All th girls' stuff if it isn't denim is pink/flowery. Stuff for boys which she will happily look at isn't cut right (she has a waist and hips are more evident these days).

OP posts:

melj1213 · 10/04/2017 12:50

My DD started to push boundaries on clothing choices a few years ago, and point blank refused to wear whatever I chose, but then could rarely make a decision by herself because she had so many clothes (PFB of separated parents and the first grandchild on both sides of the family so she was spoilt for people buying her stuff). She would get overwhelmed by all the different options and combinations she could create and could never narrow it down to just the one, and any input I provided was wrong because there was obviously something wrong with that dress/top/skirt I suggested which was why she didn't choose it herself

We eventually achieved a compromise when we went through her wardrobe together, she tried everything on and then it went into one of three piles - Keep, Donate, Bin. We then assessed stuff that needed to be replaced and went shopping for only those items, but she got to choose the specifics, eg she needed a new pair of jeans, but she got to choose whether they were the plain ones or the ones with glittery butterflies on the pockets; she needed a new cardigan, she got to choose the colour etc. After that shopping trip I try to limit shopping trips to needs with the odd treat thrown in, so her wardrobe doesn't get out of control again.

Then the night before (never the morning, we have enough stress and faffing to get out on time without clothes tantrums too) we agreed on two outfits appropriate for our plans and I'd hang them on her wardrobe ... in the morning she could choose from one of those two outfits, but nothing else. It was a bit of a faff to build it into the routine at the start but now it makes life so much easier - she gets to choose what she wants to wear but I can also veto her wearing her expensive party dress to soft play with her friends without it descending into a tantrum on Saturday morning when we have 10 minutes to leave before we're late.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 10/04/2017 12:52

If there are sensory issues, then it is much more than just being a "diva".

I would be tempted to just try and find one pair of shorts/one t-shirt/one pair of trousers etc., that DD loves and stick to that brand & style. So even if that means buying the exact same item in every colour available, and DD owning nothing else. At least she'll be comfortable.

But, no, I wouldn't keep buying lots that she'll never wear.

Cacofonix · 10/04/2017 12:53

OP my eldest DD (9) is the same! She is very fussy with how the clothes 'feel'. Has been from toddler-hood. There may be some sensory issues but after I had been shopping with her a few years back and as she chose the stuff, then complained when wearing it, I must admit I lost my rag!! Yes we need to be comfy, and tags aside, not everything feels like leggings and t shirts. I explained to her that it is normal to feel clothes on you - she couldn't expect all clothes to be like pyjamas (don't get me started on those - she only likes certain styles from one shop); she has got better. I do try and get super soft jeans (H&M do sateen ones she likes) and make sure things fit and I don't indulge her fussiness. For example we went to a wedding this weekend and she complained about her party dress - well dressing pretty in stiffer dresses is not like day to day dressing - I told her to suck it up. crap parent

EineKleine · 10/04/2017 13:00

The other thing we struggle with is some of the offerings of the stores themselves. She hates 'girly' but doesn't like 'boy'. So for example, she might need some shorts. All th girls' stuff if it isn't denim is pink/flowery. Stuff for boys which she will happily look at isn't cut right (she has a waist and hips are more evident these days).

So go through her clothes. How many of them are pink/flowery or boys' clothes? I'm guessing not many, but she still doesn't like them.

Online shopping can be good for this - Next and H&M have huge ranges online and with younger girls, the plainer stuff is often what doesn't make it into the stores. Lands End also usually has some tops that aren't too pink-bunnies-and-kittens.

But buying newcclothes isn't the right solution for now...

sizeofalentil · 10/04/2017 13:23

Maybe this isn't about the clothes… I used to do this because the only time I got to spend with my mum one-on-one / the only time I ever got any real attention was the rare occasions she took me to buy new clothes.

Is she at all creative? Could you take her to charity shops and get her to choose some things to bulk out her wardrobe, or cheap plain tops etc that she could customise?

You could help her to photograph or draw all the clothes she currently owns and put together an outfit planner, so she can play at putting together outfits etc.

Teach her about capsule wardrobes, make sure she has the basics, then if she still whines - tough. Not sure what else she expects you to do tbh!

ThomasRichard · 10/04/2017 13:26

Oh gosh OP, this thread reminded me of the time when then-2yo DD refused to wear anything except a hideous purple Frozen top, including to sleep, and refused to even take it off for her bath. After 2 days I dunked her in the bath, top and all, and then threatened to cut it off with scissors if she wouldn't lift up her arms for it to come off in the normal way I have never seen so much snot, tears and rage come from such a tiny person before or since.

If she has sensory issues then YABU to not care, but it really does need a calm assessment of whether it's sensory or just her being a bit spoiled. Sorting through the clothes as suggested by PPs would be a good first step.

zzzzz · 10/04/2017 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dishwashersaurous · 10/04/2017 14:19

Go to h&m buy two tracksuit bottoms, one pair jeans and five to shirts all in neutral colours and all gender neutral. Job done she doesn't need any more clothes than that

WorshipTheGourd · 10/04/2017 14:20

Dd wont wear 'girly' so no dresses or skirts, no bows or frills or pink.
But she will wear a good range of other coloured bottoms and tops and fleeces. As we live in the countryside that is fine. That's her 'taste'
She is a bit sensory too (no touching foods, no shorts as 'air on legs hurts') etc. She struggles with zips / temperature reg / buttons etc.
That's sensory. She also gets overwhelmed by too much choice.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 10/04/2017 14:36

My DD(8) is like this OP, she's very skinny and clothes that are long enough are baggy and 'don't feel nice' I do take her clothes in but there is only so far you can take things in and she likes tight clothing. We have one dress that she actually likes but it was a hand me down and the shop it was from don't have that style anymore and i can't find similar anywhere else, she also has a couple of skirts and dresses I've made so fit perfectly but I've tried, I can't sew trousers and its light summery dresses she likes which are a bit rubbish in winter, she won't wear tights either. I've got to a stage where its just tough luck, wear what you're given, because its that or let her walk round naked (which she would do given half a chance).

teacher54321 · 10/04/2017 14:44

Ds won't wear anything with short sleeves or shorts (apart from his school uniform-he is incredibly rule abiding in that way). He hates anything itchy, or that feels restrictive. He also hates wearing anything new for the first time, but will then happily wear it afterwards. He will only sleep in long sleeved pjs with socks on and doesn't like being barefoot. I took him shopping today and he chose some nice lightweight trousers as a compromise, as I worry he'll be too hot in jeans. I buy him lots of nice long sleeved lightweight shirts and he just runs around in those all summer-in some ways it's easier as less skin on show to burn...

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 10/04/2017 14:51

My DTD1 has ASD and sensory issues. I obviously take this into account when I buy her clothes, but if it's a matter of the leggings she was perfectly happy to wear last week suddenly 'don't feel right' or 'don't look right', then tough luck! Wear them or go out in your knickers.

Lochan · 10/04/2017 14:54

All th girls' stuff if it isn't denim is pink/flowery

I'm sorry but this is nonsense. My DD doesn't wear pink/flowery stuff either and we don't find difficulty buying things on the high street.

Stop trailing round the shops. Give her a budget and an iPad and have her research what she can get for her budget.

Cacofonix · 10/04/2017 15:27

Sorry I also disagree with the pink/flowery statement. My DD also doesn't like pink or too girly but does like skirts and dresses. It has never been hard finding her stuff she likes the look of.

JeffVaderneedsatray · 10/04/2017 15:47

DD is 9 and has sensory issues. Clothing is a massive battle ground for us. She has a wardrobe full of clothes that I have bought trying to make sure she has something to wear but they are all 'wrong'.
Sometimes DD chooses something and assures me she will wear it but then doesn't. I've worked out that she often wants the item because she sees a friend ins omething similar or it has a picture on it she likes.
If it is sensory then you just have to find something that works and buy all of them in all of the colours and probably two sizes up as well. But only after she's worn it a few times. By which time the season will have ended and that item will no longer be available anywhere!
DD has 3 pairs of trousers she will wear and about 3 t shirts.

And don't get me started on school uniform!

WritingHome · 10/04/2017 16:14

wow there are some harsh opinions on this thread.
OP my dd is 11 and pretty much the same. From a VERY young age she had an opinion on what she wore and was very strong willed about it. She was not spoiled / indulged. We did not create a 'monster'. She was just a little girl who liked certain things and disliked others.

It was no skin off our noses if she wanted to wear a dress and tights instead of jeans or vice versa. Frankly, once she was dressed appropriately for the occasion I was happy.

We have had moments of 'nothing to wear' whilst staring into a wardrobe of stuff. It can be frustrating, especially if we are in a rush. We now try to get her to select what she is wearing the next day before she goes to bed.

I do take her shopping from time to time to places like H&M but she can get a bit overwhelmed and finds it hard to make a decision so sometimes we 'window shop' and then I go back and get the stuff she liked.

If she cannot decide what to wear I suggest 2 or three things (all of which will be disregarded) and then I disengage. Usually she pulls herself together and gets on with it but occasionally I have to go back into her and 'help' her another bit.

I am not like this when it comes to clothes and neither is dh so she did not 'get' it from us. It is just in her.

I don't think it is the end of the world, but the trick for me is not paying too much attention or reacting when she is dithering.