Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel I am living with a man child?

70 replies

Supermagicsmile · 09/04/2017 12:41

Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a man child.
D.C. Are away for a couple of days with GPs. I have a few days off and wanted to have a break from work and do some things on the family laptop.
Dp (who uses it whenever he wants but hasn't recently) had said I am only allowed an hour at a time and then it's only fair that he has an hour (or two hours if I decide,he'll let me choose which I want to go for Hmm) last night he told me my "time on the laptop was up" and it was his turn and he then didn't even use it as he was watching a film!
AIBU to feel like he's being a spoilt brat? He's more than 40 fgs!!
Please advise me before I strangle leave him. (Not actually an option to leave him for a variety of reasons which are best not discussed on a public forum.)

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 09/04/2017 20:20

"He's from a very traditional family where gender roles were very defined and stereotypical so in his head he's completely reasonsble."
Then you must point out that it is not reasonable.

In my earlier post OP, I said "I'll bet you can come up with more examples of controlling overbearing behaviour." It would seem I was right. But the important thing is - is this how you want your life to be?

honeylulu · 09/04/2017 20:28

And why does he consider himself "reasonable"? Does he earn the bulk of the income and therefore considers everything is "his" (rather than "the family laptop" you refer to)?

I would honestly prefer to cut off my own head than live like this. My father was just like this, and still is, and I do not know how my mother stands it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/04/2017 00:58

Fuck him and his "very traditional" family set-up. Angry
There is NO GOOD REASON to continue with that sort of overbearing nonsensical behaviour.
Do you have sons? If so, is this how you want them to grow up as well, continuing this ridiculousness? because fewer and fewer women are going to put up with this shit as time goes on, so they might find it hard to find life partners if they think THIS is the way to treat them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2017 01:09

Why does his sexist idiocy trump your beliefs. Tell him to time travel to the 21st century or fuck off.

ChasedByBees · 10/04/2017 02:31

But why did you go along with it? What would happen if you had said, 'you're not using it so I'll carry on?'

SuffolkingGrand · 10/04/2017 02:39

Something's on the laptop that he doesn't want you to see.

Check the email accounts (including bookmarks etc for web access ones like gmail or hotmail), all folders, search history, bookmarks, any logged in social media accounts, deleted items. You know the drill!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/04/2017 03:27

No, that doesn't make sense - if that was the case he wouldn't have allowed the OP access to the laptop at all.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 10/04/2017 03:44

Some people can't afford another laptop. MN is like a parallel universe. Hmm

My stepdad was like this, and my DM only recently told me. LTB before it's too late.

Atenco · 10/04/2017 04:30

What is the traditional belief about the use of laptops?

MollyHuaCha · 10/04/2017 04:33

Can you afford to get one of your own?

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 10/04/2017 04:35

I find this unbelievable. Who behaves like that to their spouse? Is this really how you want to live your life OP? Do you have a smart phone or an ipad/tablet? If not is there any way you could get your own device? There isn't much you can't do on a tablet/phone that you can do on a laptop.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 10/04/2017 04:42

OP how come you never have time to go on the laptop when the children are around and you are at work. Don't you get any free time in the evenings? I hope your DP is pulling his weight at home and you aren't the family skivvy while he sits watching tv/goes on laptop?

TheLegendOfBeans · 10/04/2017 04:49

Dp (who uses it whenever he wants but hasn't recently) had said I am only allowed an hour at a time and then it's only fair that he has an hour (or two hours if I decide,he'll let me choose which I want to go for hmm)

Here are my assumptions (based on my experience of such things);

You have DC and he doesn't do anything to practically help (woman's work)

You get no help with household chores. When help is ever given, medals are expected.

You're on a curfew when you go out with chums. Failure to adhere to proper times will result in bitchy comments/a punitive atmosphere

God help you if you put on a bit of timber

You realise when he's out so you can eat what you like/watch what you like/call who you like/do what you like

I'm basing projecting this on my XH who was a laptop Nazi like yours. Your post sounds like the iceberg's tip.

TheLegendOfBeans · 10/04/2017 04:49

*relish.... not realise Confused

echt · 10/04/2017 05:06

While the long answer is get your own laptop, the short term is to always use private browsing for internet searches; delete search history every time you finish using it; set up your own email account if you haven't already. If he comments on any of this, he's spying on you and is bigger arsehole then he presently appears.

bevelino · 10/04/2017 05:10

OP if you can afford it, buy your own laptop or iPad. Squabbling over whose turn it is to use the laptop is ridiculous.

TheTabardOfDoom · 10/04/2017 05:18

This laptop fell apart yesterday. I can't shut the screen as it is broken and held together with gaffer tape. I can still use it but won't be able to shut it. My DH went online and bought me another as I am off sick and I live on the internet currently (I can't even sit up). That is what a normal DH does OP. I have a series of surgeries planned and am going to be like this until the Autumn. If my DH was like yours I wouldn't be able to face the next 8 months.

SnugglyBedSocks · 10/04/2017 05:22

I find it completely bizarre that you went along with it. Why?

DownTownAbbey · 10/04/2017 05:50

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on MN.

?????????

Pollydonia · 10/04/2017 07:37

Would he even " let" the op buy another laptop?
Op this is not normal behaviour within a relationship Sad

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread