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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel I am living with a man child?

70 replies

Supermagicsmile · 09/04/2017 12:41

Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a man child.
D.C. Are away for a couple of days with GPs. I have a few days off and wanted to have a break from work and do some things on the family laptop.
Dp (who uses it whenever he wants but hasn't recently) had said I am only allowed an hour at a time and then it's only fair that he has an hour (or two hours if I decide,he'll let me choose which I want to go for Hmm) last night he told me my "time on the laptop was up" and it was his turn and he then didn't even use it as he was watching a film!
AIBU to feel like he's being a spoilt brat? He's more than 40 fgs!!
Please advise me before I strangle leave him. (Not actually an option to leave him for a variety of reasons which are best not discussed on a public forum.)

OP posts:
PaulDacresFeministConscience · 09/04/2017 14:50

And when he came out with this little pearl of wisdom, you presumably laughed and told him not to be so stupid?

It's a family laptop, not his. Who put him in charge of how you spend your time? You're an adult and he's not your parent.

If he honestly sees no problem with what he said and this is normal behaviour for him, then it sounds like you have bigger issues in your relationship with your 'D'P.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/04/2017 14:51

Oh dear lord, get your own laptop!

He's being an utter wanker for no obviously good reason, but why in hell are you letting him hold you to ransom like this?

I realise that not everyone has the funds for lots of devices, but a decent second hand laptop doesn't cost a huge amount - can you get one? I would absolutely not allow DH to curtail my laptop activity in such a way.

happypoobum · 09/04/2017 14:54

Dear oh dear.

I would buy my own laptop and then use it to research how I could make the necessary changes that appear to be needed in order for you to leave this controlling piece of shite.

Do you come from a controlling family background? How did you end up like this? Flowers

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 09/04/2017 15:07

Does he 'take turns' equally with the housework/childcare etc?

he needs to get a life instead of creating petty scenarios.
i can't believe you just went along with it!

HecateAntaia · 09/04/2017 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goingtobeawesome · 09/04/2017 15:13

This isn't so sad to read.

Goingtobeawesome · 09/04/2017 15:13

Ffs auto correct IS SO SAD

Trb17 · 09/04/2017 15:16

Wow it always amazes me that there are people out there that behave like this. I'd piss my pants laughing at him if DH said this to me.

YANBU. He's a child. Tell him to sod off.

Cherrysoup · 09/04/2017 15:38

He's not a child, he's a controlling arsehole. Tell him to fuck off and you'll be as long as you like on the laptop. Who the fuck does he think he is?! Wanker.

TheStoic · 09/04/2017 15:42

He's in his 40s, how old are you?

I'm trying to imagine my partner giving me a time limit on my laptop, and then telling me my time was up... Hmm

AcrossthePond55 · 09/04/2017 15:45

So you're saying that when it was 'his turn' he just shut the laptop and sat there watching telly? Or was he watching a movie on the laptop.

Either way, it's pretty stupid unless he was finishing the movie or watching an episode of something online.

Well, actually it's pretty stupid that he thinks he can decide when you can use the laptop in the first place.

A relatively nice laptop can be had here (US) for around $300.00 (£250). I'd go buy myself one and then tell him I did it for him so he didn't have to share 'his'. Just be sure you get one nicer than 'his'.

BTW, DH and I have our own MacBooks. Sharing just would not have worked for us.

HerBluebiro · 09/04/2017 17:02

The devil is in the detail (which you aren't giving).

Did he initially want to do something then get distracted by a movie? Or did he just stop you doing your chosen activity for spite and sit with the laptop next to him. When you saw he wasn't using it did you ask for it back? If not, why not? And by ask I mean 'pass that here will you?' Rather than asking for permission.

Is he treating you like a child? Did stuff need doing at home (that I'm presuming for the sake of argument he has already done 60% of whilst you were using the laptop) and now it is your turn?

Simple answer is to not share a laptop.

But what else does this represent?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 09/04/2017 17:18

Why did you agree to any of his stupid demands? Just say no. I'd have laughed and said fuck off, are you on glue mate?

Theresnonamesleft · 09/04/2017 17:21

Are you ever coming back op?

TheStoic · 09/04/2017 17:22

I don't think the OP will be back until it's her turn on the laptop.

Valentine2 · 09/04/2017 17:22

In your place, I would immediately buy a new laptop and when he looks at it, I will inform him that it will make our marriage last.
Git.

gammaraystar · 09/04/2017 17:57

Buy your own laptop ffs.

rjay123 · 09/04/2017 18:54

Did you tell him his hour of TV was up?!

ProlificLurker · 09/04/2017 19:07

Just looking at this from another angle. Is there something on the laptop that he doesn't want you to find? If you are not 'allowed' on there for long then you won't have time to stumble across it.

ProlificLurker · 09/04/2017 19:07

Or maybe I just have a suspicious mind...

thatdearoctopus · 09/04/2017 19:09

Grin TheStoic!

thatdearoctopus · 09/04/2017 19:10

In your place, I would immediately buy a new laptop and when he looks at it, I will inform him that it will make our marriage last.

Was about to say that that would be a worthwhile investment.

But maybe not.

Original poster
Supermagicsmile · 09/04/2017 19:33

To those who asked, no, he wasn't watching a film on the laptop, he was watching the tv so the laptop was untouched during his 'slot.' I went to bed.

Today he's been in the garden most of the day so hasn't mentioned my 'time' on the laptop.

To those saying I should buy my own, I wouldn't use it enough! It's only because I have a bit of time off work and the D.C. are not here that I wanted to do some bits. I never normally have time.

I agree he's being a twat. He's from a very traditional family where gender roles were very defined and stereotypical so in his head he's completely reasonsble. His brother is the same.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 09/04/2017 19:48

He's from a very traditional family where gender roles were very defined and stereotypical so in his head he's completely reasonsble.

Time to educate him, I think.

Topseyt · 09/04/2017 20:19

I don't use my laptop a huge amount, favouring tablet and phone now. I still see no reason not to have my own though a d don't want anyone else to have control over me that way.

So even after your latest update, I still say get your own. Show him you aren't willing to be controlled and dictated to.

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