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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming about this evening..

40 replies

Daisydots · 08/04/2017 23:02

My best friend of 6 years has recently introduced me to her main group of friends that she knows from school. They see each other quite regularly, and I've just started to be invited to the odd thing with them all

The last time I went out with them was New Year's eve and one member of the group didn't show up until 11.30, keeping us all waiting at a pub we were meant to be just be meeting in before moving somewhere else for midnight

Tonight is the girl in questions birthday drinks. My bestfriend and the others are waiting for her and then they're coming over to the town where I live (more places to go out) so I'm at home waiting for them to arrive. Except its now 11pm and the 'birthday girl' hasn't shown up. I'm sat at home now thinking its too late to go out and I've got all dressed up for nothing, as well as having paid a babysitter.

I'm so cross that I've A) been stood up essentially and B) that they all put up with her shit. I don't understand why the plans always revolve around her when she can't even show up on her birthday? AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydots · 08/04/2017 23:04

I should also add that we've all got tickets to a gig in July and now I'm thinking of refunding my ticket as we'll never end up there

OP posts:
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 08/04/2017 23:05

Yep YANBU I'm normally pretty relaxed about this sort of stuff but what you describe would make me really peed off

DemelzaGee · 08/04/2017 23:05

I'd be really pissed off too! YANBU at all.

Unfortunately though all friendship groups seem to have a person in the that thinks the world revolves around them. Not only that but the others all treat them like it revolves around them too. Very annoying and frustrating!

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 08/04/2017 23:06

I know your disappointed but this group are probably used to their dynamic.
It might seem odd to you as a newcomer, but if you don't like it you don't have to join in.

If I were going on a night out I wouldn't be leaving the house till 11.30 - they maybe should have been more explicit about what their plans/running times were.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 08/04/2017 23:09

YANBU. That's shit. They should give her half an hour then move on and send her a message telling her where they are.

I'd text your best friend and ask her what's going on as you are stuck waiting, dressed up and have paid a babysitter only for them to not show up. It's shit behaviour of the birthday girl.

On one of my (significant) birthdays, we were meeting in town but I was going in with a friend who lived near me and who was notorious for being late to everything but thought she would sort her shit out fr my birthday. I was sat waiting and waiting. Everyone else was in town already, including my sister who didn't know any of my friends. I think she was about an hour and a half late in the end. I was fuming. Thankfully it didn't ruin my night but it was fucking annoying sitting waiting, dressed up on my birthday and everyone else was already out.

I never arranged anything that involved waiting for someone who was always late again.

GreyStars · 08/04/2017 23:11

I do understand it is frustrating from your perspective, however unless i have got confused it is the person who is late birthday?

So they as the majority have gone out in perhaps her/their local town, and the plan was to meet up later in a place nearer to you? If it's her birthday it would be pretty horrible to not wait for the persons who's birthday it actually is.

MiddleClassProblem · 08/04/2017 23:15

I wonder how late they were expecting you to have the baby sitter until?

SimplyPut · 08/04/2017 23:22

I would chalk it up to a lesson learnt and avoid them in future.

DublinBlowin · 08/04/2017 23:25

Why can't you go and meet them where they are? Presumably the rest of the group aren't hanging around at home waiting for the birthday girl to sort herself out?

Goldfishjane · 08/04/2017 23:27

Yanbu
Also sell the gig ticket unless you can get your ticket so you can def go in.

Goldfishjane · 08/04/2017 23:28

Dub,in, I think op is literally waiting for all them because they're meant to be in her town but aren't.

What time did they tell you?

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/04/2017 00:26

Text:

Next time [she] is having a night out, dont invite me! Sat here in my finery, paying a babysitter to look after my kids and clearly not going out. Thanks for the invite but wont be (not) going out with her again xx

porterwine · 09/04/2017 00:31

Has no one text you any updates? This would p me off too. It's just rude and she clearly has no regard for the rest of you all waiting on her!

Redglitter · 09/04/2017 00:36

Have you texted or phoned her to.find out what she's playing at

MidniteScribbler · 09/04/2017 00:36

Very rude. My rule is that if someone is not there within thirty minutes of saying they would be (and hasn't bothered to contact me telling me they are fighting a horde of zombies and running late) then I go on without them. Took one friend a few ties of showing up and no one waiting for her to finally catch on that when we said a time, we meant it. One other friend never got the hint, and I no longer see her.

Original poster
Daisydots · 09/04/2017 00:55

So update: they turned up about 15 minutes after this post all in taxi, birthday girl had eventually shown up and was sober and the others who were waiting at the pub were drunk already.

I went out for one drink and came back home because they were all way ahead and the birthday girl was miserable because she was sober.

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 09/04/2017 00:58
Confused

What the Jeff was she doing?

Original poster
Daisydots · 09/04/2017 01:04

She said getting ready, to be fair she looked like she'd put far too much effort it spent hours on herself

But ended up ruining it in the end, turns out she hadn't even apologised for being 4 odd hours late

OP posts:
chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:09

Blimey... 4 hours getting ready. She must've looked GOLD. Where do you live? I want to go out there!

Sorry you've had a crap night.

Surely everyone's furious with her?

Original poster
Daisydots · 09/04/2017 01:14

Surprisingly not, as PPs have said I think after so many years they let her off. I'm never being involved in any outings with her again though!

OP posts:
HesterLee · 09/04/2017 01:34

I guess if the rest of the group were all in the pub together for those 4 hours before she turned up, then they have had a good evening.
Sorry you've had a rubbish night OP.

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/04/2017 02:43

To be fair, this is far more annoying for you than it is for everyone else who's been inconvenienced by her, because they were all inconvenienced whilst having a drink and a few laughs together. They were out for the night having fun, anyway.

Re July, I'd sound out your friend, and maybe make alternative meeting-up arrangements. If that doesn't fly (i.e. the expectation is that you all meet up and stick together at all costs, which would be weird, incidentally), then yeah, sell the tickets on.

Life is too short for faffing.

emmyrose2000 · 09/04/2017 02:57

4 hours late?! What a rude, selfish, self centred bitch. The reason she continually does it is because people let her. More fool them, but I'd never put up with it after the first time.

You have the right idea not to be involved in any more events including her.

kindermog · 09/04/2017 03:15

Massively pants behaviour and not normal. Which leads to the conclusion that maybe she has anxiety issues that she had to overcome before getting out? I've been witness to a friend hugely "letting people down" because the poor soul could not leave the house.

The fact that she turned up sober indicates that she wasn't off having a party somewhere else or boozing at home before she met you all.

Cheby · 09/04/2017 03:27

I had a friend who did this. In the end we just used to lie to her about when we were meeting. Made it 90 mins earlier. And she was still usually late. She was pissed off with is when she found out. But given she was still late after we lied then to my mind she had very little to be annoyed about (we had tried years of honest and direct approaches to no avail).