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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance issues.

67 replies

Babyroobs · 08/04/2017 11:32

Fil sadly died almost 18months ago leaving his London house to be split between dh and his 2 sisters. It would mean a significant amount of money each when sold. One sister lives abroad, is wealthy and has not shown too much interest in the property since fil initially died. Other sil has own property in a different area of London, is financially secure has no kids and is a bit of a hoarder with a 3 bed house full of stuff and now loads of extra stuff from fil's house ( family heirlooms etc).
We are not struggling but not well off either. We have 4 kids ( our choice I know), two coming up to Uni years. Our house is literally falling down around us, think kitchen work surfaces completely rotted through, garden overgrown etc. We both work full time around each other, so there's not much time for doing DIY, maintainence etc even if we could afford it .
We are both exhausted, dh is chronically unwell and I worry about him all the time. Drs are trying to get his condition under control but at the moment it isn't and he struggles with full time work and then having to do lots of chores/ lifts for the kids etc at the weekends when I am working.
Fil's house has been on the market for well over a year with very little interest and no-one seeming very interested in doing much about it, for example reducing the price or renting it out ( would need some work to rent it out as it's old fashioned and needs updating)
Sil in London is interested in buying fil's house but has made no effort to sort her house out or get it on the market, despite offer of help to do so. The two sil's barely speak to each other and my dh tries to keep the peace and won't do anything to rock the boat.
AIBU to think things should be getting sorted after 18months? I don't want to be seen as interfering or money grabbing. I am not money orientated, we have always been broke for many years. I just think even the monthly interest on the lump sum could mean one of us could work part time to make our lives a little easier. I have urged dh to press for the house to be reduced but he won't rock the boat. It is causing friction between us. Sorry for the long post, just interested in others who have had similar situations and how they were resolved.

OP posts:

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 08/04/2017 14:36

If the inheritor considers the money to be as much his wifes as his, who the fuck are you to tell them otherwise?

Bluntness100 · 08/04/2017 14:42

Why is it not her money? I thought legally in a marriage both parties had a fifty percent stake in what came into the marriage?

Anyways, both my husband and I inherited seperately, we both considered it our money. Even though we have seperate bank accounts as well as a joint one, both our inheritances were put to use for the family.

And I agree, 18 months is long enough. Your husband should gently say something. The other two sisters might be thinking the same thing and also not wanting to rock the boat.

ShiroiKoibito · 08/04/2017 14:42

I think that DanTDM seems to have some issues

The inheritance will help ops DH and his family - it's not granny

When my parents die and my ohs die any money that comes in will be for our family, not for one of us to spend on themselves

for DanTDM

GloriaV · 08/04/2017 14:46

Surely you have an estate agent. They don't want properties sitting around they want their money in their bank.

I would encourage DSiss to sell, can you find tales of squatters taking over properties or similar risky reasons to get it sold.

danTDM · 08/04/2017 14:46

See a lawyer. Then you'll eat that

The money belongs to the man daughters and sons as they see fit.
It's laughable, good luck trying to override them all.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo · 08/04/2017 14:50

At the moment it's a bit of a millstone causing tension for all 3 families. How long d they all want it go on? The house won't sell itself! Is anyone actually checking up on the house? Estate agent maybe? You might already have squatters or damage, and then your problems will be multiplied 100-fold.

Havanaclub · 08/04/2017 14:52

Sorry to be so blunt, but this is a ridiculous waste of a good asset that everyone would benefit from if sold, even at a reduced price. As it is no one is benefiting and it is just sitting there idle.

I think if it were me I would give it another six months, then within that period get DH to set out some scenarios, e.g. sell it at auction, rent it out, sell to sister at reduced price etc.

Sadly, if there is no movement, I would imagine that your DH as a beneficiary could go to court and force a sale. Drastic I know, but how long will the asset be left sitting there because no one is being assertive and getting the thing sorted.

OK, your DH might be reluctant to go down that road, but if nothing else happens, I think even the threat of it via you solicitor might be enough to get things moving.

I am sure FIL wanted his house proceeds to benefit his children, not be sitting there empty and wasting away. I would look at it from his point of view and act according to his wishes. A one third share of a house that is not generating income or is not sold means the beneficiaries get nothing. That is not what FIL would have wanted I am sure.

Best of luck.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 08/04/2017 14:54

It's laughable, good luck trying to override them all

Dan, you seem to have severely missed the point of the thread here. Do calm down and maybe re-read or get the fuck offline and get yourself a life

Imbroglio · 08/04/2017 14:55

OP I think the shift in family dynamics (no longer the 'children' in the family) can be quite traumatic and difficult, not to mention the emotional wrench of having to deal with real living person suddenly being defined by their financial worth, goods and chattels. It can be hard to face the job in hand while people are still emotionally stuck. And I bet your husband isn't the only one wishing this was resolved.

I totally sympathise with your frustration but I agree that you can't really do anything except support your husband.

Willyoujustbequiet · 08/04/2017 15:14

I would also ignore posters saying its not your money.

It matters not one iota legally as in a normal happy marriage there is no doubt your oh would share it with you and use it to make your lives better.

It must be incredibly frustrating for you.

SingingSilver · 08/04/2017 15:21

danTDM And by that token would you advise the OP to invoice her DH for his half of their house deposit and the money her Dps gave them to get out of debt. It is her money after all, not his business...

Whatever the nuts and bolts OP, you need to crack on before you get squatters in the property or it starts to suffer from being left vacant. Emphasize that aspect to them.

harderandharder2breathe · 08/04/2017 15:30

OP isn't being grabby at all. Currently the house is empty, sucking up money and benefiting no one at all. It's in everyone's interest (including OP but mainly her DH and his sisters) to have it dealt with as soon as possible.

Any pressure to speeed things up needs to come from DH because otherwise OP will be seen as a grabby cow. Which she hasn't come across as at all. She wants her husband to not have to worry about work due to deteriorating health, and for her children (DHs children, FIL's grandchildren) to benefit further down the line. And yes to stop working a second job.

SwedishEdith · 08/04/2017 15:32

Is dan the sil?

EnormousTiger · 08/04/2017 16:15

Your husband should push for it to go to auction and then you will get whatever the real price is for it. What about saying unless contracts are exchanged within 2 months then on 1 July it will be going to auction? In the mean time let it like fury on airbnb presumably!

Original poster

Babyroobs · 08/04/2017 16:31

Thanks everyone for all the advice and opinions. Fil was a truly lovely man and worried so much about my dh's health. I honestly don't think he would want his house lying empty, but would be wanting my dh and our children to benefit from it.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2017 16:34

DanTDM - you do realise the OP isn't trying to 'override' anyone? No? Try reading the thread this time.

Wando1986 · 08/04/2017 16:35

Monthly interest? You're dreaming aren't you. You would barely get £10k a year on £1mil at the moment.

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