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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance issues.

67 replies

Babyroobs · 08/04/2017 11:32

Fil sadly died almost 18months ago leaving his London house to be split between dh and his 2 sisters. It would mean a significant amount of money each when sold. One sister lives abroad, is wealthy and has not shown too much interest in the property since fil initially died. Other sil has own property in a different area of London, is financially secure has no kids and is a bit of a hoarder with a 3 bed house full of stuff and now loads of extra stuff from fil's house ( family heirlooms etc).
We are not struggling but not well off either. We have 4 kids ( our choice I know), two coming up to Uni years. Our house is literally falling down around us, think kitchen work surfaces completely rotted through, garden overgrown etc. We both work full time around each other, so there's not much time for doing DIY, maintainence etc even if we could afford it .
We are both exhausted, dh is chronically unwell and I worry about him all the time. Drs are trying to get his condition under control but at the moment it isn't and he struggles with full time work and then having to do lots of chores/ lifts for the kids etc at the weekends when I am working.
Fil's house has been on the market for well over a year with very little interest and no-one seeming very interested in doing much about it, for example reducing the price or renting it out ( would need some work to rent it out as it's old fashioned and needs updating)
Sil in London is interested in buying fil's house but has made no effort to sort her house out or get it on the market, despite offer of help to do so. The two sil's barely speak to each other and my dh tries to keep the peace and won't do anything to rock the boat.
AIBU to think things should be getting sorted after 18months? I don't want to be seen as interfering or money grabbing. I am not money orientated, we have always been broke for many years. I just think even the monthly interest on the lump sum could mean one of us could work part time to make our lives a little easier. I have urged dh to press for the house to be reduced but he won't rock the boat. It is causing friction between us. Sorry for the long post, just interested in others who have had similar situations and how they were resolved.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyroobs · 08/04/2017 13:23

And yes I totally agree about sil grieving. I think she is finding it very hard to deal with her grief and get her house sorted to go on the market. I do understand that completely.

OP posts:
Goldfishjane · 08/04/2017 13:23

OMD no wonder you're annoyed - no one should have to keep on top of the maintenance for the house, it could have all been sorted by now.

OddBoots · 08/04/2017 13:26

"You don't pay CT on an empty property once you have informed the council obviously." - That might depend on the council because in my LA you need to pay if it is still empty 6 months after grant of probate and after a certain time (a year, I think) of it being empty the rate increases because they don't want houses sitting empty.

Original poster
Babyroobs · 08/04/2017 13:27

We would happily pay for someone to do the garden etc if we had a little more disposable income. We are not struggling, but we don't seem to have a lot left at the end of the month despite us both working full time .
A friend of mine suggested just taking out a loan to get household repairs at our home done but I think that might just be risky and dh might never see this inheritance !!

OP posts:
CotswoldStrife · 08/04/2017 13:40

The house will likely be liable for council tax (ours also only had a 6 months free policy) as well as gas, water and electric charges. Presumably it is being heated in the winter to avoid burst pipes, etc.

Specialist insurance policies are available for empty properties but even then they usually need to be checked regularly.

Has all the money from the estate been distributed already? If there is some money in an account somewhere, that will be paying the house bills and there may be enough for a gardener or for essential work to be done on it.

Would the sisters discuss it via email? The last estate my DH was the executor for had another executor who was outside the UK and it was a pain, getting stuff signed and the fact that they did sweet f a apart from moan how long it was taking so I do sympathise with that aspect too. Could he send a circular email saying that he is aware that the deadline you set (for the local sister) is approaching and wanted to check what the future plans were for the property?

Who is paying all the bills at the moment?

Original poster
Babyroobs · 08/04/2017 13:47

Cotswold. Yes it's definitely been heated over the winter, and I assume bills are being paid out of money left in fil's account. It is definitely insured, they were very careful about sorting that out.
The sister abroad generally emails or skypes but leads a very busy life working all over the world. It has been about 8 weeks since any discussion was last had !
I think my general exhaustion at working 2 jobs is adding to my frustration. As others have said I probably should just leave them to it !

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 08/04/2017 13:49

I don't have any advice for you op but i do sympathise and i wish pp would read ops posts,she has not said she wants to give up work, but to be available to help her ill husband. She is married so it actually is her business. I don't get this mn thing of not your family so not your business. Flowers

Original poster
Babyroobs · 08/04/2017 13:56

Thanks lazy - yes our money has always been shared, we are married. On our first home which we bought abroad I paid the whole deposit with my savings as my dh had none. When we sold up to come back to the UK the house prices crashed and we got nothing back. My parents then stumped up the deposit on our current house, otherwise we would still be renting. My parents have helped us out numerous times over the years with big car bills etc so when dh inherits money from his parents of course he iwill be willing to share it with me, we are a partnership and have 4 children together.

Most of the money will be put away to help them in the future, with Uni/ driving lessons etc.

OP posts:
jacks11 · 08/04/2017 13:57

I can understand your frustration OP, but at the end of the day there isn't really a lot you can do is there?

As the three siblings are joint executers, your DH can't force anything through by himself, and as he isn't willing to bring things to a head with his sisters things are going to drag on as they are.

Your DH has 2 options- carry on with status quo or bring it up with his sisters and try to move things forward.

I second those saying that you starting to pressure for things to happen could easily be misconstrued- especially as you say one sister (who did majority of caring) is still struggling with her grief- so I would tread carefully.

Original poster
Babyroobs · 08/04/2017 13:57

And I would only like to give up one of my jobs, the one which involves working weekend nightshifts and leaves me exhausted all week in my other job !!

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyroobs · 08/04/2017 14:01

Thanks Jacks. And yes I agree there isn't really anything I can do, it has to come form them to move things forward and I do suspect sil is not ready, as well as being on her own with no real support and miles away from us. Her and my dh are the closest of the 3 siblings and he is quite protective of her.

OP posts:
jacks11 · 08/04/2017 14:08

Baby

I do get how tricky inheritance issues are, we had a fair bit of drama as a result of my grandmothers will as my brother was not happy about it and I know how frustrating it is when you just want to get matters settled.

I think you need to remember that your DH bears his share of "fault" for the delay at the moment, as he is not making any effort to move things forward either (even though his reasons for not doing so are understandable).

picklemepopcorn · 08/04/2017 14:08

Can you move into it? Pay them two thirds of market rent, sell yours, buy them out a little at a time?

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 08/04/2017 14:09

What's with all the "its not your money" stuff? Of course it is, she's hsi wife and they hae shared finances. His money is her money.

danTDM · 08/04/2017 14:16

Inheritance is totally separate from Spouses money.
For good reason,
It belongs to the person who inherited it.
And long may that continue.

The people who inherit are the only ones wit any right to do anything with the money, in their own time, according to their grief/siblings/parents...

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 08/04/2017 14:17

I agree it most definitely is your business and your money, you are married and anyone saying otherwise obviously doesn't know what they are talking about.

id have another go at talking to your H. Tell him before hand that you don't want to argue, you want to discuss the facts of what is going on and how long he is willing to do nothing. Also point out the house may get squatters!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 08/04/2017 14:19

dan that is not true - I have friends who have separated and recently inherited money is counted as joint assets.

elephantcuddles · 08/04/2017 14:20

How is it rocking the boat to simply ask for the house to be reduced a bit?

My late grandfather sold hotel real estate all over the world. It's just common sense to reduce the price - especially after 18 months of no interest. It's just going to cost more money the longer it sits on the market. I think your dh is being a bit silly. It's going to be in the best interest of all of you to get things moving on the house. It might be priced too high as it stands. Assuming that no one wants to invest any money into it to make it more appealing to a potential buyer, the price really should be reduced at least by a small percentage.

danTDM · 08/04/2017 14:22

It is categorically NOT the OP's money or property, it has not been left to her.

It has been left to the mans daughters and sons.
Imagine the other OP for a second. 'My brother wife thinks she has a right to my fathers inheritance. FFS.

She does not. End of, This thread is in very poor taste.

Earlybird · 08/04/2017 14:22

Very frustrating situation for you and dh. Dysfunctional family dynamics 'bloom' when money is at stake.

Which sibling is the main contact for the estate agent? Could the estate agent do a bit more to move the process along? Perhaps as a neutral third party, they could give regular / formal updates to the siblings and recommend a specific course of action based on current market conditions (reduce price, clear garden, etc).

It would also be valuable for all three siblings to hear how the market has changed since the house has been on the market.

Can you arrange a meeting and/or Skype session for all siblings to discuss options / courses of action with the estate agent? Perhaps a timeline could be established - i.e., if nothing has happened in 3 months, the house will be reduced by X, etc.

danTDM · 08/04/2017 14:24

INHERITATNCE IS PROTECTED.

OK, this is the OP's money, right and property.

I have been mistaken.

NOT

danTDM · 08/04/2017 14:28

Go and see a laywer OP
Then you will be clear on the whole thing, as it is very simple.

abbey44 · 08/04/2017 14:34

Apart from all that, though, giving up work to live on the interest is a bit optimistic unless the amount you're talking about is vast - interest rates are practically nothing at the moment, and haven't been for a long time.

BackforGood · 08/04/2017 14:35

YANBU at all.
Ignore danTDM. Whatever a court would decide is irrelevant, as you have a normal and sensible relationship with money, within your marriage. When I inherited, it wouldn't have occurred to me that it was anything other than "our" money as a couple, as that's the way a partnership works - it goes on your property, your dc, and whatever else is important to you as a couple.
I would certainly get your dh to see that just leaving the house is actually going to cost them in money and time and effort the longer it goes on, and to talk to his sisters about this. My thinking would be to drop the price and get it gone. If it's been sat there empty for 18 months, then it's not getting any more attractive to potential buyers.

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2017 14:35

When my parents died my inheritance was my DH's business, as it was mine when his parents died.

We are a partnership and what affects one affects the other -especially in matters of finance.

Of course, legally it's the OP's husband's inheritance but she is fully entitled to an opinion regarding her husband's actions (or inaction) in the sorting out of it.

They both need the money that her FiL has kindly left his children to make their lives easier. It's not in poor taste at all to be concerned about getting it sorted out.