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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Best response to 'well as you are on the larger side....' comments

68 replies

TotallyFFC · 07/04/2017 16:33

Literally it comes into every bloomin conversation with my family, they refer to my size when discussing cars, weddings, holiday destinations... it has been used as the reason I should get a people carrier, not go on beach holidays, avoid activities, why I should turn down being a bridesmaid. And I am bulky without doubt but I'm 5.10 and a size 16. I could easily do with losing some weight which I am doing steadily, but this isn't the point, my family define me by it and seem to think they need to remind me every five minutes!!! I've an intelligent individual, I know my own size and I'm happy with me!!! So come mns Aibu to ask for some brilliantly constructed replies?

OP posts:

Photograph · 07/04/2017 17:19

Because a size 16 at 5 foot 10 is probably within or at least close to target BMI

ahem.. I am 5'10, a size 12 and frankly a bit too chubby. It doesn't look remotely healthy.

Anyway, OP, if you are happy with your size, why don't you just say so. "I am curvy and I am sexy, what's your problem", that sort of things. I don't like my own size, so I can't pretend it's fine for me, but in your case, I would just shut them up: good sex makes me hungry, I like sex so I am not planning on losing weight any time soon, that sort of things. I found that going into personal things like that tend to shut people up.

tissuesosoft · 07/04/2017 17:21

To make relatives - 'do you feel the need to comment on my size because you're severely lacking in certain areas yourself?'

GrassWillBeGreener · 07/04/2017 17:22

Depends on your frame and the length of your legs. I'm 5'11", overweight and working on it - when I get to a size 16 I'll be most of the way to where I need to be. My hips will never be suitable for a size 12 again, though my shoulders might.

IvankaTrudeau · 07/04/2017 17:22

User1486 what did you say to your "helpful" relative?

Dogivemeabreak · 07/04/2017 17:23

I am 5'10, a size 12 and frankly a bit too chubby. It doesn't look remotely healthy.

Because looking like an inmate from Belsen does?

LordScuttlebutt · 07/04/2017 17:23

They sound tiresome, OP.

You say you are losing weight.

When you hit target, you will likely find that this attracts a barrage of comments too ranging from "aren't you thin enough now", "you look tired", "I bet you struggle and calorie count constantly to keep your figure".

In short, you can't win for losing sometimes!!!!

fakenamefornow · 07/04/2017 17:25

I wonder what they'd be saying to you if you lost weight? Not suggesting that as a solution. :) Just wondering what they'd say then. Are your family all very slim op?

Photograph · 07/04/2017 17:28

Because looking like an inmate from Belsen does?

you do realise you can be slim without being anorexic?

supersop60 · 07/04/2017 17:28

Jo Brand had a good one on a panel show:- "Well I can always check out of fat club, but you will always be in twat club"

fakenamefornow · 07/04/2017 17:30

I've noticed, there seems to be a sort of safe window for commenting on a family members weight. It's slightly overweight, if people are very overweight, I don't think family mention it anymore. Maybe if people are just slightly overweight others think they might not have noticed so pointing it out is like a public service.

fakenamefornow · 07/04/2017 17:32

You don't need a clever come back OP, just tell them to shut up.

MatildaTheCat · 07/04/2017 17:33

I would go head on and say, 'Just to warn you that next time you mention my weight I will get up and walk out. Please don't think I'm just saying this, I mean it because I am beyond sick of this and am going to tolerate it for not one single minute more.'

Then do it. Every time. They sound awful and need pulling into line. I'd not be wishing to spend much time with them anyway when they value your feelings so little.

Dogivemeabreak · 07/04/2017 17:36

you do realise you can be slim without being anorexic?

Who mentioned anorexia?

Photograph · 07/04/2017 17:37

ok, I didn't realise you were a troll Dogivemeabreak, I thought you were being serious. My mistake.

Obsidian77 · 07/04/2017 17:40

Bombard the worst culprits with "well, since you're very tactless..."
Eg if they have a work situation, issues with the neighbours, etc frown mournfully and say "well, since you're very tactless, you should let someone more polite handle the situation." A couple of mentions should do the trick.

WorraLiberty · 07/04/2017 17:40

Sorry BlueFolly but I agree with a PP.

It has to be the weakest, wankiest 'comeback' known to mankind

Surely they'd just reply, "Yes of course I did. Are you thick or something?"

ProlificPoster · 07/04/2017 17:40

Honestly, I would just tell them to stop being so fucking rude, that it's hurtful, none of their business and that you never want to hear them mention it again.

Nice and clear.

user1486199588 · 07/04/2017 17:42

IvankaTrudeau when the relative told me that 'men were very visual and they wouldn't want me the way I was' I was devastated. I left the family party in tears straightaway and went and got completely smashed with my friends It was a long time agobut that part of the family always comment on my weight / look me up and down when they see me.

Being a bit older and a bit tougher now, I've decided if a direct comment is made again I will have to give a comeback and it will have to involve pointing out their faults so they can feel the feeling of being personally insulted.

StarkintheSouth · 07/04/2017 17:42

Weight can be lost. Not much you can do about being an arsehole. (Is what I would say)

I was a chubby kid OP and although my DM loves me very much, she often fretted about my size ('If you keep eating like this you'll be the size of a house!' etc.) It really got me down, especially as I was being bullied at school for being an overweight nerd around that time. Those kind of comments can really sting; death by a thousand paper cuts. :(

Chottie · 07/04/2017 17:43

Tinkly MN laugh and then say "I was just thinking the same about you"

Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 07/04/2017 17:46

Get up and walk out. Every time.

myshinynewusername · 07/04/2017 17:53

I once saw a man tell a woman (who was very overweight) in a pub that she was fat.

She turned around and said "OMG, am I? I never noticed until you pointed it out. Thanks so much for letting me know. Btw you smell of BO, you might want to have a wash."

I fell a bit in love with her.

HecateAntaia · 07/04/2017 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 07/04/2017 18:01

'So you've said. Several times' with bored look.
'Honest because you're family? Sure why call a spade a spade when you can call it a bloody shovel?'
'Oh, that's being honest? They used to call it being damn rude when I was a girl'.
'Honest? More like why be tactful and considerate when you can be needlessly cruel?'

If the comments are from a parent or grandparent, look them up and down and say 'Apparently it's hereditary'.

At least you can lose weight. My father told me I had strangler's hands. What am I supposed to do about that pray tell?

ShatnersBassoon · 07/04/2017 18:06

I think a direct shutdown would be far more effective than a witty retort. "Stop talking about my size. It upsets me every time it's mentioned."

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