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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay home w sick teenager

100 replies

lizzieoak · 07/04/2017 05:02

My teenage son has a bacterial infection (diagnosed this evening) & will have to miss school today (Friday). He was worried he had meningitis and as soon as I got in from work he asked if I could take him to the dr's, so off we went & sat around the clinic for an hour till it was his turn.

Anyway, he would really appreciate it if I stayed home tomorrow. My union contract gives us quite a bit of "family time" off to care for sick kids and parents and spouses and even siblings & to take family members to Drs appointments.

While a lot of people in my office don't have kids or older parents, I do have a kid and am a divorced parent (& his dad has always flat-out refused to take time off when either of our kids was sick). I feel guilty as I know the supervisor will give me the stink eye, but I find it really stressful to not be there for my kids when they need me (one is now an adult).

As it's in our contract it's reasonable, right?

OP posts:
thekingfisher · 07/04/2017 09:01

Stay - they are only young once - unless your job is at risk... in which case could anyone else pop in to be with him or could you work a ½ day?

HemanOrSheRa · 07/04/2017 09:04

I'd stay at home with him. He's feeling poorly and this time he wants his Mum close by.

JaxingJump · 07/04/2017 09:05

Stay. Being home alone when sick is totally miserable. He'll be gone soon enough.

Sort out some movies and nice snacks and spend some time with him to get him through this miserable couple of days. There is actually nothing more important in the world than your son, even if he is 16.

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 07/04/2017 09:05

I'd stay at home with him

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 07/04/2017 09:14

OP I hope you stayed. He clearly needs you and 16 is not by any means even nearly grown up. Nothing wrong with being there to care for your child when he clearly wants you there. My kids are 18, 20 and 22 and they all still need their mum sometimes! The rest of the time they function perfectly well as young adults.

Floofborksnootandboop · 07/04/2017 09:23

If any of mine wanted me to stay home I would, regardless of their age.

NavyandWhite · 07/04/2017 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnitaPallenbergsKnees · 07/04/2017 09:37

I would stay at home.
You know your son best.
Hope is well again soon.

lalalalyra · 07/04/2017 09:43

Stay with him. He's stayed alone before without asking you stay so he's obviously worried, and 39.3 is high.

Fwiw a few weeks ago my mil cane around for the day when I had a bad day ill - I felt weird and wobbly and I felt safer with someone in the house. If I'd had to cope alone I would have, but I very much appreciated not having too.

user1489261248 · 07/04/2017 09:47

You never stop being a mother, and you never stop caring about, and wanting to protect your children. YANBU. I have had people in the past who lambasted me for fetching my daughter from school and staying home with her (when she was 14,) by a couple of child-free women. But they also slated a woman in my office for crying when her dog died! Confused Very cold imo, on both counts.

Look after your child OP. You sound like a fab parent. Smile

nb, I did take off the afternoon as 'leave,' and didn't just bunk it off. Grin

zen1 · 07/04/2017 09:52

I would also stay with him. I have a 14 yr old and have left him plenty of times when he has had a stomach bug / felt unwell etc, but if he was worried and had a high fever, I would stay.

pilotswife · 07/04/2017 09:53

Wouldn't hesitate to stay at home - I'm a registered nurse and a dedicated employee .......

Temporary2002 · 07/04/2017 10:05

I would stay home, it sounds like he needs you. Hope he is better very soon.

Tootyfilou · 07/04/2017 10:06

Stay at home with him OP, there are some really mean responses on this thread. He is unwell and has requested that you stay home, he is ONLY 16yrs not an adult and you are his mum. If we cannot be compassionate and look after those we love regardless of their age that is a pretty sad state of affairs.
As for people 'tutting' in work..let them tut.Your union will have negotiated your terms and conditions for all employees not just you.
Many posters on MN have an incredibly harsh position regarding teenagers, I am sure your son will manage to grow into a fully functioning adult even if you indulge him with a bit of motherly kindness today!
Hope he feels better soon

TitsalinaBumSquash · 07/04/2017 10:21

I'd stay with him! I'd never want my kids (however old!) to think that the risk of pissing off s boss is more important than them. I don't care if that makes me a terrible parent. Hmm

I hope DS feels better soon and whatever you decided you don't get grief for it.

0nTheEdge · 07/04/2017 10:22

I would stay especially as it's a bacterial infection rather than viral. You could do with being there to keep an eye on him with a temp that high, I'd even be inclined to take a day off to look after DH if he was that ill. Personally i would take it as holiday but that's because i couldn't stand the stink eye and would probably feel a bit cheeky given son's age, even though it's allowed under the contract. Hope he feels better soon.

lazyarse123 · 07/04/2017 10:24

Hope you stayed with him op, there are some horrid responses on her today. He is ill and needs his mum nothing wrong with that at all and anyone tutting at work would be told to get over it. It's very important for everyone to feel that they matter whatever age they are.

Original poster
lizzieoak · 07/04/2017 15:21

Thanks so much all!!! I did call in sick (hate that moment of doing it, called and got her voicemail which was easier than hearing her disapproving boice). He woke up at 7:00 w a nightmare so I had him take his antibiotic & he went back to sleep.

I don't like calling in sick but life happens & it feels right to be able to be here for him, make him soup and bring him cold face flannels etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
lizzieoak · 07/04/2017 15:28

Thanks all!!! I stayed home with him, called in and got the supervisor's voicemail, so that was easier than talking to her disapproving voice.

He woke up w a nightmare at 7:00am so I had him take his antibiotic and he went back to sleep.

I'd have felt like a bad parent leaving him on his own and wouldn't have been concentrating on work. Ever since going back to work when I got divorced I've felt worried I'm either letting the kids down daily by being tired and getting home a couple of hours after them, or letting work down by staying home/being tired from doing it all at home w no spouse or parents to help out.

Really appreciate all the kind words :)

OP posts:
Original poster
lizzieoak · 07/04/2017 15:29

Ha - MN said it didn't post, I refreshed to make sure, no post, rewrote, posted, now 2 posts. Ffs.

OP posts:
ThePiglet59 · 07/04/2017 15:33

I think this is more about you than him OP.
You shouldn't be babying a 16 year old boy.
I wouldn't like to be the colleague of somebody who stays home because their 16 year old son is a bit unwell.

JacquesHammer · 07/04/2017 15:37

I think this is more about you than him OP.
You shouldn't be babying a 16 year old boy.
I wouldn't like to be the colleague of somebody who stays home because their 16 year old son is a bit unwell

Really? I wouldn't have given two hoots. Other than maybe to be concerned that my colleagues child was ill.

But then I am the child of a parent who stayed home when his 19 year old was ill 😜

Ladydepp · 07/04/2017 15:41

He's your child, he's anxious and unwell. I'd stay home.

family first, your colleagues can get stuffed.

Original poster
lizzieoak · 07/04/2017 15:46

Thanks Jacques Wine At the end of the day the contract allows for care of all ages of relatives, so I don't feel that being an older teen is terrifically pertinent.

I used to work in a non-union site where one of the staff somehow managed to get away with huge amounts of elder care & after-school "situations". It was taking the piss a bit as it was every single week, without fail, and she only worked 2 days a week!

I think there's a difference between deliberately booking Drs appointments for elderly parents on your 2 workdays every week vs a once in a blue moon fairly sick family member.

I've never thought it was my job to police coworkers though, so just pondered how she got away with it!

OP posts:
SteppingOnToes · 07/04/2017 15:49

What does your contract say about timing - usually it is for same day only to allow you to arrange child care. As this is the day after the initial illness you could be pushing it a bit. And he's 16 FFS!

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