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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For being like Miranda in Sex and the City

63 replies

kks · 08/03/2007 15:48

I think i'm like Miranda in Sex and the City, even my sister told me i am. I don't get the whole "mum" world. People say i should make friends with other people with babies as i only have one friend with one. I find it a bit sickly if you like about the whole thing and am becoming more and more sinicle everyday. I can't stand the thought of sitting round with other peoples babies talking mums talk. On the other hand i wish i could change my attitude and be social with mums. I need some of you to try and help me do that as my attitude only makes me unhappy.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 08/03/2007 15:49

Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you have to sit around talking about the children.

There are plenty of women out there who aren't entranced by baby vomit/nappy convo.

It is nice to have friends with children the same age as yours, but only if they're people you'd want to be friends with if you both didn't have children, IMO.

CODalmighty · 08/03/2007 15:50

so you come to post on...........................................MUMSNET!!

Original poster

kks · 08/03/2007 15:52

I just wish my troll of a health visitor would stop trying to force me to go to all these clubs. I think i will go if i decide to not cause shes told me too.

OP posts:

KezzaG · 08/03/2007 15:52

I see some mums and the only thing we have in common is children so that is what we talk about. however, with 2 of my friends we actually like each other for who we are and probaby would be friends anyway without dc's. Go to the mum and baby groups and just see who you gel with as a person rather than a mum.

I have found the pro's of being friends with people with similar age dc's is that you have a sanity check when you need it and an instant babysitter in a crisis.

compo · 08/03/2007 15:53

I see what you are getting out but how old is your baby?
Being with childless friends all the time is ok until they are toddlers imo cos you can't just do what you want all day - you have to entertain them and that iseasier to do with other kids around

TeeCee · 08/03/2007 15:55

i've never made friends with anyone just cos they were a mum! I went to active birth classes to do yoga and have time for me. I got friendly with a couple of girls cos they really made me luagh and we kept in touch. i don't know anyone except people knew to a village or something that are desperate to make freinds so the joing NTC classes as an obvious first choicer. HV's always suggest these all new mums togehter classes, I just nodded and said, not for me but thanks, i've got enough friends and am happy'.

Original poster

kks · 08/03/2007 15:55

I find some of the nicknames a bit strange on here. I come on here to try and change my attitude about the whole thing. How come no one uses the word baby or boy/girl etc. I find all this DS and DD stuff abit confusing.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 08/03/2007 15:56

It's shorthand.

How old's your baby?

compo · 08/03/2007 15:57

(teecee - i started a thread for you)

kks - check out acronym list at vtop of page

oranges · 08/03/2007 15:57

is this more about not liking baby and toddler groups? they are great for mothers who feel a little isolated or stuck at home, but if you have childless friends who are happy to meet you, then that's great.

Original poster

kks · 08/03/2007 15:58

Well i go to under 1s and its ok but only cause my friend who i have known since school goes there. I went an under 1s somewhere else and everyone was a bit cold and were in their own little click

OP posts:

oranges · 08/03/2007 16:00

I don;t like those groups either tbh, but I do sometimes feel a little stuck on days off, when I am at home and would love to meet someone for a coffee but all my friends are at work. Are you a sahm mum at the moment?

Original poster

kks · 08/03/2007 16:00

My baby is 5 months. I only have a few friends who i hardly ever see, they have children who are grown up

OP posts:

CODalmighty · 08/03/2007 16:01

its a "CLique"not a click

TeeCee · 08/03/2007 16:02

Compo - where mate, can't see it?

hunkermunker · 08/03/2007 16:02

Go to a group where you have something to focus on other than nattering - so baby swimming, signing, etc. Then if you make friends, good, if not, you and your baby will be learning something useful.

Or post in meet-ups on here and see if there's anyone near you.

It's nice to have friends.

Original poster

kks · 08/03/2007 16:04

Well i will be doing three afternoons aweek soon at the shop while my partner has the baby

OP posts:

TeeCee · 08/03/2007 16:04

Yeah i do things with my girls where i meet other mums doing the same thing. Sometimes I get on witht he mums and sometim,es i ignore everyone else!

oranges · 08/03/2007 16:05

lol at compo and teecee having a conversation on a thread where the op feels everyone is in a clique. But honestly, at 5 months,its hard to redefine yourself as a mother. Can you get time for yourself at all? Teecee's idea of yoga, or something else that interests you that is not baby related is a good one.

Original poster

kks · 08/03/2007 16:06

Yeah i wanna take the baby swimming. I just got here a swimming costume and its sooo cute.

OP posts:

nh101 · 08/03/2007 16:06

I have been to mum and toddler groups and people are scared to talk to new people sometimes, so it seems they are in a clique. My friend has three-month-old and just loves it being her and the baby, they hardly do anything else. If you are happy then forget what anyone else says.

Would you say you are happy?

beckybrastraps · 08/03/2007 16:07

You don't want to sit around talking about babies all day. So why do you assume all other mothers do? If you are happy as you are, then great. But I can assure you that there are women out there who have other things to talk about.

I wonder if by 'own little clique' you mean people who have got to know each other pretty well and enjoy each other's company. I sometimes wonder if my friends and I come over this way. We have known each other a long time. We are now the ones running the groups. We chat to newcomers and try to make them welcome, and some we get on with better than others, so I guess they would be seen as joing our 'clique', and others find other people they get on with more. It's the way of the world. Surely most workplaces are the same?

TheDudAvocado · 08/03/2007 16:09

but oranges all you've done is confirm why the clique criticism is so stoopid. tc and compo are allowed to talk to each other, they obviously know each other in advance of this conversation. but they are also very welcoming to new people.
tbh, kks, it sounds to me like you are maybe shyer than you give yourself credit for. mother and baby groups aren't a test. you like some, and not others. but swimming or signing or yoga are great ways to make friends.

franca70 · 08/03/2007 16:09

kks, I felt very isolated when ds was born. I tried the toddler's groups, but didn't like it, I felt even more isolated if you like. but hunker is right, choose something that it's more focused on the baby, like swimming etc. I love to take dd to gym tots, now, she loves it and most of the mums are really nice.

Original poster

kks · 08/03/2007 16:09

The baby has grandparents who praticaly beg me to have her so i do get time to myself. Although while most sing nursery rhymes to their kids, i play Madonna and stuff to mine

OP posts:

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